I must admit..
Even now I sit here and think of you.
Even now I sit here and just want to tear out my own heart.
So it doesnt have to hurt anymore.

I miss you.
I will probably always miss you.
I really wish I could forget you.
Because if I did my life would probably start to get better.

I wake each morning with the same thoughts..
Why did you leave? Why didnt I try harder to stop you?
Why do I still have to care when you clearly dont?

I wish that you would let me go..
So that I could let you go.

"I woke up, and for a few seconds, I had forgotten all the reasons why I was so miserable. And no matter how hard I tried to hold onto that feeling, those few seconds, the sun forced them away."

"This next trick is for you I hope you enjoyed the show"

As the curtains pulls back for the last time, sit to watch the show.
Applaud like its a trick as I stand up on the chair.
A noose suspended in the air while the whole crowd cheers.
A noose around my neck. Jump and "forget" to disappear.

Please just....
Go...

You know I want you, right?
I could blow your mind
Be your dynamite.

And sometimes... I dont want to breathe anymore.

Words of disdain echo loudly in my head. Where there was once love is now filled with dread. With a small lump in my throat and shaky breath I whisper the same phrase over again.
"Forget me ...."

~ I will be sand..

The truth is.. I don't want to love you.. and I don't want you to love me. Because I don't deserve it.. and neither do you. Because I'm worthless and you deserve the world and all the happiness inside of it. Me? Im just fire...reducing around me to ash...

Sometimes I dim the lights and let the silence crash around me and wonder if this is what it would be like if life were to end. If everything would just.. stop...
Then I catch my breath and remember that it wont always feel like this.

Its not you. Its me. Its me and my unwillingness to be lead on and toyed with.

Im trying so hard to please you.. but I dont know what you want anymore.. and its killing me more and more each day.

Im absolutely okay with mediocre blurry black and white photos. Thanks ♥