alcohol actually gives you super powers, but it's short lived and results in serious anxious existential dread, diarrhea, and weight gain, so DON'T DO IT

*serious face enabled* ok where the fuck is my vape, it was just right here in the crevice of this couch where I expertly placed it as to not forget where it is despite being blind drunk, somebody is really fucking me right now

one day I'll be able to look back at this mess and laugh at how I was, but today is not that day

don't ever think that you're not enough, because the person you look up to was also not enough, but they still made it, so put down the vape pen and just do it! *takes big hit from live resin pen and downs a kirkland vodka mixed hamm's*

one time when I was falarking whilst drunk, my partner was startled at my uncircumcised penis, so I quipped "there's just more of me to love,
babe", and proceeded to have the best falarking of my life

if you really close your eyes, feet are just like crispy saucy orange chicken you can nibble on and savour the musky sweet goodness