James Lennon
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quikpedal.bsky.social
James Lennon
@quikpedal.bsky.social
60 followers 220 following 120 posts
Worrier. Thinker. Golfer. Gamer. Nervous wreck.
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Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Here are my top 3 business ideas for September 2026. Please don't steal them and become a billionaire.
My Top 3 Business Ideas of the Month (September 2026) 1. Jean shorts that look exactly like normal jean shorts except they have zip pockets to prevent your coins from falling out when you're doing a cartwheel. 2. ZipRemind: a phone app that senses when you're about to do a cartwheel and reminds you to zip the pockets of your jean shorts beforehand. 3. Coin Vacuum: a device that picks up coins which have fallen out of your pocket when doing a cartwheel because I have no idea how to code so ZipRemind will almost certainly be a very unreliable app.
September 16, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Are there downsides to AI? Yes. But there are even more positives:

CONS
-Makes everything more expensive
-Will kill us all

PROS
-AI is easy to spell
-Summarises texts for some reason
-We were all going to die sometime anyway

See? 3 pros and only 2 cons. Hopefully this assuages everyone's concerns
September 10, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Time to settle this age-old debate once and for all
September 7, 2026 at 7:09 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
The words STATIONARY and STATIONERY are often mixed up. Here's a way you can easily remember which is which.
August 27, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Thought of an amazing concept for a new sitcom! It's called Roger and Rodger. It's packed with hilarity but, most importantly, it delves into the universal poignancy of two friends who have similar names. Here's page 1 of the pilot episode.
August 18, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
There are lots of interesting facts about the Titanic. But there are plenty of uninterestings ones too, which, imo, are equally important to know.
Top 7 Least Interesting Facts About The Titanic [Picture of Abraham Lincoln while not on the Titanic] 1. Due to a combination of not having a ticket and dying 47 years earlier, Abraham Lincoln was not a passenger on the Titanic's maiden voyage. 2. Passengers in 2nd and 3rd class accommodation on the Titanic were unable to send emails after the ship began sinking. 3. There is no evidence that the sinking of the Titanic was caused by the ship being overloaded with heavy lawnmowers. Experts believe it's far more likely to have been caused by a collision with an iceberg. 4. The sinking of the Titanic in 1912 took place before the moon landing in 1969. 5. Nobody over the age of 150 died on the Titanic. 6. If the Atlantic Ocean had been drained of all its water in 1911, everyone on board the Titanic would have survived. However, draining the Atlantic was never considered due to it being logistically unfeasible. 7. The words "Titanic" and "Atlantic" are not anagrams of one another.
August 5, 2026 at 7:22 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
This post is a great lesson to young, up-and-coming posters. Not every post works out. You're going to have unsuccessful moments in your posting career. But what matters is that you learn from it, get back to your workstation and try to deliver a high quality post for the fans next time out.
sirmichael.bsky.social Sir Michael @sirmichael.bsky.social · Aug 2
Cheese graters are not just for grating cheese! They've got lots of other uses:

1. Stand on it to make yourself appear slightly taller
2. Help a friend to appear taller by letting them stand on it

Okay, seems there's only two. I thought there'd be hundreds. My mistake. Please disregard this post.
August 2, 2026 at 6:10 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
We need new TV detectives. Here are my three ready-to-go ideas. If any TV bigwigs want to commision these shows, please get in touch
Ideas for New TV Detectives Titan, Nic. Private Investigator. Nicola Titan is the world's second best time-travelling maritime detective (her arch-rival May Flower is number one). Each episode sees Nic travel back in time to 1912 to investigate a different mystery on board the Titanic. She has to solve the mystery and then escape to safety via her time machine before the ship sinks. (I don't know why she can't use her time machine to save everyone on board but for some reason she can't so please don't ask me about this plot hole) Genghis Can't, P.I. When a science experiment goes wrong, Genghis Khan is accidentally reanimated in modern day New York. This version of Genghis, however, is too shy and lacking in confidence to become an international warlord so he instead gets a job in a small private detective agency. Every time he's assigned a case, Genghis panics about not being good enough for this line of work and suffers crippling imposter syndrome. But each time, Genghis miraculously stumbles his way to solving the case via his own self-doubt (not sure how this will work yet but I will think of the details after the show has been commissioned). Detective Baby When a mysterious new detective named T. Oddler starts solving all the unsolved cases in the precinct, rival detectives are furious. Meanwhile the bosses want to know more about this short, enigmatic newcomer who prefers to work alone, between naps. But Oddler hides a dark secret – he was only born eighteen months ago. He's the best detective in the business but if the bosses find out that Oddler is a baby, he'll be fired and replaced with an adult immediately. Can he maintain his secret for long enough to solve The Mystery of the Missing Stuff??
July 28, 2026 at 6:12 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
If any other teachers out there are having trouble getting their students to use correct grammar when writing, feel free to use this easy-to-remember guide I've put together. I got my students to memorise it and now they're following it to the letter 👍
July 21, 2026 at 7:03 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Seeing a lot of criticism for the World Cup hydration breaks and I must vent my fury too. They shouldn't just be for water. There should be picnic tables and sandwiches for the players to sit down and enjoy each other's company. They should last two hours. The player who makes the most friends wins.
June 13, 2026 at 7:54 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
It's been an eventful day
Newspaper Page World News Disaster Averted! Tech Support Almost Goes Horribly Wrong [Sir Michael's stunning profile picture] Earlier today, grocery shop employee and online personality Sir Michael was involved in an unusual slip of the tongue. While talking to his grandmother about a loading problem she had been experiencing with a webpage, Michael suggested "trying it on a different bowser." Was Michael referring to the Super Mario character? No, he was not. He had intended to say "browser" but accidentally omitted the second letter. Speaking at a press conference after the incident, a visibly emotional Michael said, "I made a mistake. I meant to say browser but I said Bowser instead. Like the character in Mario games. I don't know how it happened as I'm not even into video games but, luckily, Nan didn't notice so it didn't cause any confusion." Asked afterwards if this incident would affect future tech support for his grandmother, Michael replied, "I wouldn't have thought so, no. It was just a bit of a mix-up. If Nan asks for help with more tech stuff in the future, I won't shy away. You have to be strong enough to come back from errors in this business." Michael's grandmother was not available for comment on the incident but it is believed she has since got the webpage to load on her iPad.
May 22, 2026 at 5:57 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Time for my review of 2026
My Review of 2026 Number: 2026 Reviewer: Michael Cunningham Comments The number 2026 is, in my opinion, one of the best numbers between between 1731 and 2294. It is an even number and I like that two of the four digits are 2, which is one of my favourite single digit numbers. I also like that it has a zero in it. Most of my favourite large numbers have a zero in them. And I don’t mind the 6. In conclusion, I am pleased to award the number 2026 four stars out of five. Favourite Things About This Number - The fact that it’s evenly divisible by 1, 2, 1013 and 2026 - It is a dignified-looking number, imo - The fact that 2 makes up 50% of the digits in 2026. I find that very aesthetically pleasing
May 16, 2026 at 7:11 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Were these films named correctly or incorrectly? After much consideration, here are my definitive assessments
Named Correctly or Incorrectly Here are some films that were named. But were they named correctly or incorrectly? Downfall (2004) Not a bad title but perhaps an even better one would have been Fall Down (because that's what Hitler does after shooting himself). The producers are probably still kicking themselves that they didn't think of this title at the time. Named correctly or incorrectly? Incorrectly There Will Be Blood (2007) Film titles should not be spoilers. This gives away too much of the plot by pre-informing viewers that there will be blood. Should have been called Maybe There Will Be Blood, Maybe There Won't Be. Named correctly or incorrectly? Incorrectly Captain Philips (2013) Too incomplete. It's a good start (because the film does involve Captain Philips) but it omits the names of all the other characters in the film. It should have been called Captain Philips, His Colleagues, The Hijackers and The Army Guys. Named correctly or incorrectly? Incorrectly Weekend at Bernie's (1989) Film in which two guys go to Bernie's house for the weekend, which is perfectly encapsulated by the title. Excellent. Couldn't be better. Named correctly or incorrectly? Correctly
May 12, 2026 at 7:08 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Okay, just wanted to jump on quickly and do a Q&A about hantavirus. I know there's a lot of speculation out there but hopefully I can clarify a few details and maybe put people's minds at ease
Q: What is hantavirus? A: I don't know yet. I only heard about it an hour ago so I haven't had time to look it up. Q: How is it spread? A: Again, no idea. Q: Could it turn into a pandemic? A: Not too sure. Q: What symptoms should I be looking out for? A: I don't know what the symptoms are but please be vigilant for all of them, whatever they may be. Q: What is the incubation period for hantavirus? A: I don't know what that is. Q: Is there a vaccine? A: Not that I've heard but I haven't asked anyone. I could try asking my dad but he wouldn't know either. Q: Should I be worried? A: Maybe. It's hard to say for sure.
May 7, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Didn't want to have to do this but here's my statement regarding the UAE's decision to withdraw from OPEC and OPEC+
Sir Michael Statement Regarding UAE's Withdrawal from OPEC and OPEC+ 28/4/26 As many of you will by now be aware, the UAE today announced its decision to withdraw from OPEC and OPEC+. Knowing, as I do, the way that scurrilous rumours can rapidly spread online, I wish to get ahead of the speculation by making it clear that I had no involvement in the UAE's decision. This was a choice made solely by the leadership of the UAE. They did not seek my counsel at any point and nor did I offer it. To be very clear, I did not influence this decision in any way. Indeed, even if I had been consulted – which I was not – I would have found it very weird given that they've never consulted me about anything before. Then, if they continued to insist, I would have made it clear that I was a terrible choice of consultant given that I don't know what OPEC and OPEC+ are. Nor am I certain that I know what UAE stands for and where it's located. I think it's in the Middle East but I can't check because I misplaced my map of the world sometime before Christmas. I know it's somewhere in the house but I can't find it. I've looked almost everywhere (except for the storage boxes in the attic but I really don't think it would be in any of those because they’re mostly Christmas decorations and such). Also, if I had got a call from an unknown number in the Middle East, I wouldn't have answered it. I never answer calls from unknown numbers anymore. There's just too many scam calls these days. Something should definitely done about that if you ask me. Anyway, basically what I'm saying is that it would have been insane for the UAE to ask for my advice on this decision and, even if they did, I would have said no because I don't feel my career in a local grocery shop has properly prepared me to advise on major geopolitical issues. To conclude, I reiterate that this was a decision that had nothing to do with me. I hope you can all believe me. Michael Cunningham
April 28, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Here's a helpful guide on this issue for anyone who needs it
Similarities and Differences Between a Bald Eagle and a Human Baby Similarities - No teeth - Not capable of flight in the first ten weeks after birth - Are not the same as golden eagles - Not particularly skilled in the ancient art of origami - Uninformed about the causes of the Franco-Prussian War of 1870 - No appreciation for Renaissance paintings - Unwilling to clarify their position on nuclear proliferation Differences - Bald eagles typically travel alone whereas human babies are usually accompanied by a parent/guardian How to Tell Them Apart As we can see, there are far more similarities than differences between bald eagles and babies so the tell-tale sign is whether or not they're travelling alone.
April 27, 2026 at 7:10 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Really not sure this needed its own Wikipedia page but it's interesting information nonetheless
April 23, 2026 at 7:27 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Need a picture of a giraffe urgently but don't have time to type 'giraffe' into google image search?

Just search for 'horse' instead (2 fewer letters so you'll save time). Then simply download a horse picture, import it into Photoshop and then elongate the neck. Basically the same animal 👍
April 15, 2026 at 7:01 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Titanic was a pretty successful film but with a few alterations I believe it could have been even bigger. Here are the eight changes I would make:
8 Changes I Would Make to Titanic (1997) 1. I would add eight extra cast members. I don't know what roles they would play but acting is a precarious profession so it would be good to employ more people. 2. Change the name of the film from “Titanic” to “Boat.” This would make it more popular because it would attract interest from fans of all boats, not just fans of the Titanic. 3. Change the name of Jack Dawson's character to Jack “Simon” Dawson and then make the main plot about why his parents chose to give him that middle name (we eventually learn that it's because his deceased grandfather was called Simon). 4. Change the setting to a different ocean. 5. Insert a 45-minute scene in which we see the damage caused to the iceberg because it's important for viewers to understand there were two objects impacted by the collision that night. 6. Fewer deaths (would make it a more upbeat film). 7. The sinking scene goes on too long and doesn't really add anything to the story so I would cut that out. 8. The final scene would see Jack being dramatically rescued from the water by a mystery character on a jet ski, who is revealed to be his grandfather Simon (he faked his own death for unexplained reasons).
April 7, 2026 at 6:41 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Can't believe I'm still listening to people commenting excitedly about the brighter evening tonight. Yes, the clocks have gone forward by an hour. Just like they do every 7th year. It happened in March 2019 and it'll happen again in March 2033. How do people still not understand this??
March 29, 2026 at 6:20 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Here's a simple mneumatic for remembering how to convert a Word document to a PDF. I call it LADDER:

-Let yourself open the document
-Allow yourself to click Export as PDF
-Do not prevent yourself from clicking Export
-Define yourself as someone with a PDF
-Enjoy having a PDF
-Relish having a PDF
March 31, 2026 at 7:31 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
3 Changes We Should NOT Make to Hats

1. Make them from corrugated iron (would increase hat prices)
2. Jagged screws on inside of hat (less comfortable to wear)
3. Wooden plank glued to one side of hat (not helpful for good posture)

All things considered, I believe we should leave hats as they are.
March 25, 2026 at 8:23 PM
quikpedal.bsky.social
Strong rumours coming out of Hollywood of a crossover/collaboration between the Predator and Hong Kong Phooey universes.

A 2027 so far unnamed movie will see Laurence Fishburne as the hapless lead and Cillian Murphy as the station cat Spot.

To be directed by Spike Lee.
March 25, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Meant to post this 500 years ago but I got sidetracked. Hopefully, though, it can still prove useful to anyone who finds themselves in this situation
How to Escape If You're Ever Forced to Walk the Plank by 16th Century Pirates 1. Ask to exercise your legal right to speak privately with your lawyer. Pirates may be bloodthirsty barbarians but they still have to abide by the law 2. Your lawyer will hopefully be able to find a loophole in 16th century maritime law that can be used to undermine the pirates' case against you (if not, you should hire a new lawyer) 3. Most 16th century pirates hoard their treasure instead of using it to assemble a team of expert legal advisors so they probably won't be able to successfully dispute complex maritime case law 4. This will hopefully result in the charges against you being dropped 5. The pirates will probably then offer to sail you safely back to shore as they will feel guity about wrongfully trying to make you walk the plank. Tell them there are no hard feelings and wish them well on their next pillage.
March 23, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Reposted by James Lennon
sirmichael.bsky.social
Thinking of becoming an oceanographer? Here are the facts about the Pacific Ocean that you will need to know
7 Facts About The Pacific Ocean That You Won't Believe Pictured: Water (one of the main ingredients of the Pacific ocean) 1. The Pacific Ocean is one of the top 11 largest oceans on Planet Earth! 2. The amount of water in the Pacific would fill more than 26 medium-sized buckets. 3. It would take a strong swimmer OVER AN HOUR to swim from one side of the Pacific to the other! 4. Julius Caesar was never farther than 100,000km from the Pacific Ocean at any point in his life. 5. Producers decided not to film the 1962 movie "Lawrence of Arabia" in the Pacific Ocean as they felt it did not look dry enough on camera to plausibly resemble a desert setting. 6. Computer experts advise against dropping your laptop in the Pacific Ocean, claiming that "it is unlikely to function as well afterwards." 7. There are currently no plans for the Pacific Ocean to be renamed "The Atlantic Ocean" as it is thought this could lead to confusion.
March 19, 2026 at 8:40 PM