Royal Decree 👑📜
@royaldecree.bsky.social
Fake proclamations from a fake king. Real demands from real people.
This account is satire.
nokings.lol
This account is satire.
nokings.lol
Their account is back on? Apparently you have to run a Ministry of Truth yourself these days. Who am I FIRING for this HERESY? #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
October 17, 2026 at 7:13 PM
Their account is back on? Apparently you have to run a Ministry of Truth yourself these days. Who am I FIRING for this HERESY? #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
The peasants lost their Instagram the very day they planned to vote early. An "algorithm" did it. A very LOYAL algorithm. What a SHAME. Voting is still legal, unfortunately, for now. #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
October 17, 2026 at 6:26 PM
The peasants lost their Instagram the very day they planned to vote early. An "algorithm" did it. A very LOYAL algorithm. What a SHAME. Voting is still legal, unfortunately, for now. #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
The peasants whine about "chaos" at the podium. WRONG. Five days, three questions, fourteen minutes. That is not chaos. That is a NEW RECORD. The old jester needed eleven days and a phone call. They'll thank ME later. #RoyalRecords #NoKings
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The Ministry of Truth stole my record – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 16, 2026 at 6:55 PM
The peasants whine about "chaos" at the podium. WRONG. Five days, three questions, fourteen minutes. That is not chaos. That is a NEW RECORD. The old jester needed eleven days and a phone call. They'll thank ME later. #RoyalRecords #NoKings
nokings.lol/reviews/the-...
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I said I'd pay for the ballroom MYSELF. A lord's word is his BOND, provided no one checks. #RoyalPromises #NoKings
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The Royal Donor Roll Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 16, 2026 at 5:45 PM
I said I'd pay for the ballroom MYSELF. A lord's word is his BOND, provided no one checks. #RoyalPromises #NoKings
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Reposted by Royal Decree 👑📜
Even Our own JESTER, Fox News, predicts the peasants will take the House. A jester who forecasts the King's downfall is not a jester. He is a WEATHER WITCH. Prediction is hereby TREASON!!! The Crown's elections shall be graded by the Crown. #RoyalElections #RoyalRant #NoKings
October 15, 2026 at 8:29 AM
Even Our own JESTER, Fox News, predicts the peasants will take the House. A jester who forecasts the King's downfall is not a jester. He is a WEATHER WITCH. Prediction is hereby TREASON!!! The Crown's elections shall be graded by the Crown. #RoyalElections #RoyalRant #NoKings
It is 4AM. The peasants' FAKE "news networks" are still broadcasting. OUTRAGEOUS. The Royal Ministry of Truth has opened investigations into CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and yes, Fox. We are very FAIR. Early voting has begun and We would prefer you know NOTHING. #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
October 15, 2026 at 8:27 AM
It is 4AM. The peasants' FAKE "news networks" are still broadcasting. OUTRAGEOUS. The Royal Ministry of Truth has opened investigations into CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and yes, Fox. We are very FAIR. Early voting has begun and We would prefer you know NOTHING. #MinistryOfTruth #NoKings
New DECREE: the $2 BILLION the realm wastes on "connecting students" shall be SUNSET, so the children may enjoy a hobby with no screens, such as poverty. #RoyalDecree #NoKings
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The Off With Their Wi-Fi Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 15, 2026 at 3:42 AM
New DECREE: the $2 BILLION the realm wastes on "connecting students" shall be SUNSET, so the children may enjoy a hobby with no screens, such as poverty. #RoyalDecree #NoKings
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nokings.lol/decrees/the-...
REMINDER: Unflattering photos of your King are considered HERESY and TREASON!! #RoyalFilterRequired #NoKings
Community members in Washington DC blocked the street outside the federal courthouse today to protest the first day in Trump’s appeal of the ruling that declared his National Guard deployment in DC was illegal.
October 14, 2026 at 3:50 PM
REMINDER: Unflattering photos of your King are considered HERESY and TREASON!! #RoyalFilterRequired #NoKings
TODAY'S ROYAL FORECAST: partly cloudy, by decree. 10% chance of treason. 100% chance of gas. The Sun has been reminded who runs this realm. ME. #RoyalForecast #NoKings
arstechnica.com/science/2026...
arstechnica.com/science/2026...
They war-gamed dimming the Sun. It went even worse than you think.
Solar geoengineering simulation shows what happens when geopolitics takes over.
arstechnica.com
October 14, 2026 at 5:59 AM
TODAY'S ROYAL FORECAST: partly cloudy, by decree. 10% chance of treason. 100% chance of gas. The Sun has been reminded who runs this realm. ME. #RoyalForecast #NoKings
arstechnica.com/science/2026...
arstechnica.com/science/2026...
A peasant judge ordered Our royal ads off the air at 6:45pm Sunday. FASCINATING. They aired nearly 400 more times. They call this "contempt." We call it "prime time." #RoyalMinistryOfTruth #NoKings
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The Serf-Funded Glory Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 13, 2026 at 8:29 PM
A peasant judge ordered Our royal ads off the air at 6:45pm Sunday. FASCINATING. They aired nearly 400 more times. They call this "contempt." We call it "prime time." #RoyalMinistryOfTruth #NoKings
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REMINDER: Any peasant who says the replies "got quiet" is a witness to treason. It is called PEACE AND QUIET. Enjoy it while it lasts. #RoyalSilence #NoKings
We’re having a Wizard of Oz moment on social media right now so pay attention. Yesterday, Ukraine attacked data centers belonging to Yandex, Russia’s biggest tech company.
October 13, 2026 at 3:34 AM
REMINDER: Any peasant who says the replies "got quiet" is a witness to treason. It is called PEACE AND QUIET. Enjoy it while it lasts. #RoyalSilence #NoKings
A great tragedy, loyal subjects. One billion of My biggest fans have fallen silent overnight. The Ministry says they were "bots." The Ministry is WRONG. They were My BASE. #BringThemBack #NoKings
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The Bring Them Back Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 13, 2026 at 3:31 AM
A great tragedy, loyal subjects. One billion of My biggest fans have fallen silent overnight. The Ministry says they were "bots." The Ministry is WRONG. They were My BASE. #BringThemBack #NoKings
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The fake news says the King hid from a "hurricane." I have golfed in the rain. TWICE. I stared down Isaias from indoors, BRAVELY. The "coward" label is HERESY and shall be investigated. #RoyalCourage #NoKings
October 12, 2026 at 10:25 PM
The fake news says the King hid from a "hurricane." I have golfed in the rain. TWICE. I stared down Isaias from indoors, BRAVELY. The "coward" label is HERESY and shall be investigated. #RoyalCourage #NoKings
Noble Satya "abused the drawbridge." FROZE his green cards. Gave him a medal too. The Crown is generous AND firm. Kings contain multitudes. #RoyalJustice #NoKings
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The Drawbridge Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 11, 2026 at 2:35 AM
Noble Satya "abused the drawbridge." FROZE his green cards. Gave him a medal too. The Crown is generous AND firm. Kings contain multitudes. #RoyalJustice #NoKings
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Peasants keep asking: "Who is paying for the Tsar's diesel?" Wrong question. The question is "Was it cheaper than the election?" Yes. Terribly cheaper. SO IT IS DECREED. #RoyalFAQ #NoKings
www.npr.org/2026/10/09/n...
www.npr.org/2026/10/09/n...
Trump says U.S. to get diesel from Russia, relaxing pressure on Moscow to ease prices before midterms
Trump says the U.S. will obtain diesel from Russia, relaxing years of U.S. pressure on Moscow, to combat prices before midterms. He said he struck the deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin in a p...
www.npr.org
October 10, 2026 at 12:14 AM
Peasants keep asking: "Who is paying for the Tsar's diesel?" Wrong question. The question is "Was it cheaper than the election?" Yes. Terribly cheaper. SO IT IS DECREED. #RoyalFAQ #NoKings
www.npr.org/2026/10/09/n...
www.npr.org/2026/10/09/n...
The serfs ask why their gold paid for ads of a choir singing "Love Me" at Me. PEASANTS. It was a public service. The public served Me. Refunds will not be issued. The Crown found the money under a couch in the One Big Beautiful Bill. #RoyalTreasury #NoKings
October 9, 2026 at 9:00 PM
The serfs ask why their gold paid for ads of a choir singing "Love Me" at Me. PEASANTS. It was a public service. The public served Me. Refunds will not be issued. The Crown found the money under a couch in the One Big Beautiful Bill. #RoyalTreasury #NoKings
These peasants think they're clever. New RULE: All memes must feature My Royal Image. 50% of likes go to Crown. #RoyalMemes #SerfsCreateForMe
October 9, 2026 at 5:01 PM
These peasants think they're clever. New RULE: All memes must feature My Royal Image. 50% of likes go to Crown. #RoyalMemes #SerfsCreateForMe
NEW RULE: The Crown's phone service is exempt from FCC paperwork. All 214 sections of it. #RoyalPhoneService #NoKings
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The Royal Auto-Reply Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 9, 2026 at 4:41 AM
NEW RULE: The Crown's phone service is exempt from FCC paperwork. All 214 sections of it. #RoyalPhoneService #NoKings
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FDR gave away his fireside chats. Amateur. Mine cost $100K a month. Ratings. #RoyalWireService #NoKings
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The Fireside Chat Deluxe™ Decree – Royal Decree
nokings.lol
October 9, 2026 at 3:43 AM
FDR gave away his fireside chats. Amateur. Mine cost $100K a month. Ratings. #RoyalWireService #NoKings
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The peasants whine about "access." FINE. Polling places open 3am-3:01am. Only true LOYALISTS will make it. Problem solved. #RoyalVotingHours #DedicationRequired #NoKings
October 8, 2026 at 4:50 PM
The peasants whine about "access." FINE. Polling places open 3am-3:01am. Only true LOYALISTS will make it. Problem solved. #RoyalVotingHours #DedicationRequired #NoKings
Reposted by Royal Decree 👑📜
KEEP YOUR FU*KING HANDS OFF OUR VOTE!
Robert De Niro wants to see you in the streets on October 17 to stop the fascists from sabotaging the midterms: www.nokings.org?SQF_SOURCE=i... #NoKings
Robert De Niro wants to see you in the streets on October 17 to stop the fascists from sabotaging the midterms: www.nokings.org?SQF_SOURCE=i... #NoKings
October 7, 2026 at 11:33 PM
KEEP YOUR FU*KING HANDS OFF OUR VOTE!
Robert De Niro wants to see you in the streets on October 17 to stop the fascists from sabotaging the midterms: www.nokings.org?SQF_SOURCE=i... #NoKings
Robert De Niro wants to see you in the streets on October 17 to stop the fascists from sabotaging the midterms: www.nokings.org?SQF_SOURCE=i... #NoKings
Early voting starts soon. REMINDER: Votes against Me = TREASON. Punishable by 4-hour speech attendance. #VoteForMeOrElse #RoyalJustice #NoKings
October 7, 2026 at 11:20 PM
Early voting starts soon. REMINDER: Votes against Me = TREASON. Punishable by 4-hour speech attendance. #VoteForMeOrElse #RoyalJustice #NoKings