What did we learn? That everyone will always have better, that I'm nothing more than a stepping stone for people, once they feel better, they are done with me and move on.

How do we stop it? Only one way and unfortunately your too chickenshit to do it. You failed at it every time. Why bother

Welp I'm back. Just to vent, so no one can find out how I feel. Because I can't bring myself to speak.

God why do I hate myself this much, and as the years go on, it just gets louder.

Now I'm just sitting on the front porch of my home.

All I crave is death at this point.

Id fucking kill myself if I wasn't so much of a coward. It's all I deserve anyways. But my dear has led me to suffer more and burden more people by being around.

I'm sorry I've done nothing but burden people, if I could just silently and quietly die I would. But I'm a coward.

God I hate myself, I had a long typed dump of just emotions and thoughts and now it's gone, no drafts nothing. I don't deserve to vent anyways.

Why? Why has everything I've ever been told growing up, That it was selfish to seek help for yourself, that if you don't dedicate yourself to others you're a horrible person, that if I didn't sacrifice myself to help others emotionally and physically, why is it now wrong?