just got off the phone with my old friend mitch mcconnell, we spoke for about 20 minutes and he said AAHHHHHH AHHHHH FUUUUCK IT BURNS AHHHH over and over again (chuckles) good ol mitch. hasn’t changed a bit
July 7, 2026 at 11:33 PM
just got off the phone with my old friend mitch mcconnell, we spoke for about 20 minutes and he said AAHHHHHH AHHHHH FUUUUCK IT BURNS AHHHH over and over again (chuckles) good ol mitch. hasn’t changed a bit
baby yoda: (in a surprisingly deep voice) old enough to drink i am (waving his hand) mezcal on rock you will give me
May 30, 2026 at 3:09 PM
baby yoda: (in a surprisingly deep voice) old enough to drink i am (waving his hand) mezcal on rock you will give me
(sitting on couch seven beers deep, watching my dog sleep) dogs not part of thr working class
April 19, 2026 at 10:29 PM
(sitting on couch seven beers deep, watching my dog sleep) dogs not part of thr working class
software is now markdown prayers to an unthinking god
March 25, 2026 at 4:16 PM
software is now markdown prayers to an unthinking god
pretty much all wealthy people are horrible people. but i would be a very good rich person. probably because im better than most people. mmm now that i think about it, i deserve it because im just so good and uncorruptible
March 21, 2026 at 4:20 PM
pretty much all wealthy people are horrible people. but i would be a very good rich person. probably because im better than most people. mmm now that i think about it, i deserve it because im just so good and uncorruptible
These days everyone is obsessed with Mr. Blinders - the so-called “Immortal Man”.
But there’s another “Immortal Man” with his own “street gang” who fought for what he believed in. His name? Haha, well,
But there’s another “Immortal Man” with his own “street gang” who fought for what he believed in. His name? Haha, well,
March 20, 2026 at 5:18 PM
These days everyone is obsessed with Mr. Blinders - the so-called “Immortal Man”.
But there’s another “Immortal Man” with his own “street gang” who fought for what he believed in. His name? Haha, well,
But there’s another “Immortal Man” with his own “street gang” who fought for what he believed in. His name? Haha, well,
ok my bad
going to watch The Bride because there’s no way it’s worse than watching the oscars
March 16, 2026 at 1:27 AM
ok my bad
oh boy! an escalator! time to stand for 90% of the ride and then walk down the final couple steps like a CHUMP
March 15, 2026 at 9:58 PM
oh boy! an escalator! time to stand for 90% of the ride and then walk down the final couple steps like a CHUMP
going to watch The Bride because there’s no way it’s worse than watching the oscars
March 15, 2026 at 9:24 PM
going to watch The Bride because there’s no way it’s worse than watching the oscars
i dont watch “the pitt”. i live in “the pitt” (united states of america)
March 13, 2026 at 7:17 PM
i dont watch “the pitt”. i live in “the pitt” (united states of america)
[guy who wants to make pancakes but only has waffle mix] it’s over. it’s so fucking over
[guy who gets paid 400k a year] due to a typo openclaw emptied my bank account to buy 10 bags of cheetahs
[guy who gets paid 400k a year] due to a typo openclaw emptied my bank account to buy 10 bags of cheetahs
March 9, 2026 at 5:55 PM
[guy who wants to make pancakes but only has waffle mix] it’s over. it’s so fucking over
[guy who gets paid 400k a year] due to a typo openclaw emptied my bank account to buy 10 bags of cheetahs
[guy who gets paid 400k a year] due to a typo openclaw emptied my bank account to buy 10 bags of cheetahs
kristi noem has been taken out back and shot
March 5, 2026 at 8:16 PM
kristi noem has been taken out back and shot
AGI is coming any day bro, trust me bro, just a million more tokens, please, just a billion more gallons of water, i swear the assumption machine will become god
March 5, 2026 at 4:07 PM
AGI is coming any day bro, trust me bro, just a million more tokens, please, just a billion more gallons of water, i swear the assumption machine will become god
[loud buzzer sound]
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): The discourse period for Scream 7 (2026) is now over. Please make all new discourse posts about The Bride! (2026). Thank you for your attention on this matter.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): The discourse period for Scream 7 (2026) is now over. Please make all new discourse posts about The Bride! (2026). Thank you for your attention on this matter.
March 5, 2026 at 4:18 AM
[loud buzzer sound]
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): The discourse period for Scream 7 (2026) is now over. Please make all new discourse posts about The Bride! (2026). Thank you for your attention on this matter.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): The discourse period for Scream 7 (2026) is now over. Please make all new discourse posts about The Bride! (2026). Thank you for your attention on this matter.
personally i think people named “jr” should be executed when they turn 30
March 5, 2026 at 1:06 AM
personally i think people named “jr” should be executed when they turn 30
the worst thing you can do as a software engineer is make an assumption. that is why we have replaced all software engineers with The Assumption Machine
March 3, 2026 at 3:02 PM
the worst thing you can do as a software engineer is make an assumption. that is why we have replaced all software engineers with The Assumption Machine
fancy restaurants are like “do you want some fucking cheese for dessert”
March 3, 2026 at 12:57 AM
fancy restaurants are like “do you want some fucking cheese for dessert”
life is a highway
poorly supported by the state
poorly supported by the state
February 25, 2026 at 2:53 AM
life is a highway
poorly supported by the state
poorly supported by the state
you just created a million frosty the snowmans
February 25, 2026 at 1:43 AM
you just created a million frosty the snowmans
NYPD COMMISSIONER (very seriously): hewwo i’ve gawtherwd yew aww hwere to annouwnce we awe invwestigating the illwegal awnd unswanctioned snowbwall fwight that sweriously injwured sweveral offwicers earwlier todway
February 25, 2026 at 1:28 AM
NYPD COMMISSIONER (very seriously): hewwo i’ve gawtherwd yew aww hwere to annouwnce we awe invwestigating the illwegal awnd unswanctioned snowbwall fwight that sweriously injwured sweveral offwicers earwlier todway
You’re right to be upset. I was wrong. That was the femoral artery. I shouldn’t have cut into it without your explicit approval.
February 24, 2026 at 12:45 PM
You’re right to be upset. I was wrong. That was the femoral artery. I shouldn’t have cut into it without your explicit approval.
weather reporter reading a teleprompter with an extremely furrowed brow: chat we are getting….. heightmogged by this ….. powdermaxxxing (looks to the side) Paul what is this, is this some kind of prank
February 23, 2026 at 4:34 PM
weather reporter reading a teleprompter with an extremely furrowed brow: chat we are getting….. heightmogged by this ….. powdermaxxxing (looks to the side) Paul what is this, is this some kind of prank
i was going to eat a sandwich for lunch but according to the polls that’s not popular with the electorate. so i am going to eat a bowl of mulch and dirt
February 17, 2026 at 11:22 PM
i was going to eat a sandwich for lunch but according to the polls that’s not popular with the electorate. so i am going to eat a bowl of mulch and dirt
barack obama famously didn't kill any american citizens. he loves to drone on about it. google “obama american citizen drone” to learn more
February 15, 2026 at 11:18 PM
barack obama famously didn't kill any american citizens. he loves to drone on about it. google “obama american citizen drone” to learn more