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Star_Spangled_Tycoon
@starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
7 followers 1 following 190 posts
Parody headlines from the world-renowned game Star-Spangled Tycoon. Not real news. 🇺🇸
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starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
It is 3am and Senator Snoozeworth is WIDE awake. Nobody knows why. Scientists are worried. Also, he's filibustering.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 4:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Rutherford B. Hayesar operates a quasar. He says it's "basically a really big lamp." The electric bill is also a quasar.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 3:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: Nation's largest cheese wheel rolls into orbit, becomes second moon, tastes great

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 2:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Mr. Moneybags McGee held a press conference in a pool of his own money. Three reporters got paper cuts. He charged them for the paper.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 1:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Senator Snoozeworth's snore has been clocked at 94 decibels. The Capitol now uses him instead of the fire alarm.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 12:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
The official 2026 debate rules: no interrupting, no insults, no lying. The debate has been cancelled due to "lack of material."

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 11:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Archduke Beige's podcast is 3 hours of him describing different kinds of toast. It is #1 in the Sleep category. Senator Snoozeworth is a Patreon supporter.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 10:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: Milky Way paint company releases 400 new shades of "space black"

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 9:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: Rocket factory recalls 40,000 rockets for being "a little too pointy"

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 8:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Colonel Tallhat hasn't taken off his hat in 11 years. The hat has now formed its own weather system. There is a small cloud inside it. It rains sometimes.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 7:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Colonel Tallhat hasn't taken off his hat in 11 years. The hat has now formed its own weather system. There is a small cloud inside it. It rains sometimes.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 7:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Robo-Lincoln 3000 has declared war on the printer on the third floor. Both sides have suffered heavy paper jams. No negotiations are planned.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 6:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: National debt now has its own national debt

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 5:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
King Whatever III's royal decree: "Whatever." It is legally binding. It has changed everything.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 4:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Rate your government from 1 to 10. Robo-Lincoln 3000 will tell you your answer is wrong and read your group chat out loud to prove it.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 3:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Mr. Moneybags McGee's new campaign ad is just 30 seconds of him eating a gold-plated hot dog while maintaining eye contact. Polls up 12 points.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 2:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Gov. Flip-Flopson has launched a new perfume called "Both." It smells like victory AND like you've been in a hot car with a tuna sandwich.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 6, 2026 at 1:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Archduke Beige tried to be spontaneous for the first time in his life and ordered medium instead of mild. He is currently in the ICU of flavor.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 6, 2026 at 12:01 AM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Senator Zorp's re-election campaign slogan: "I Come In Peace (And Leave With Your Cattle)."

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 5, 2026 at 11:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: Supernova ruled "a bit much"

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 5, 2026 at 10:00 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Mr. Moneybags McGee just paid off the national debt, then immediately took out a bigger loan to buy a yacht shaped like the national debt.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 5, 2026 at 9:00 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
📰 BREAKING: Hot dog on the Moon found to be 4 years old and "still pretty good"

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 5, 2026 at 8:00 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Mr. Moneybags McGee has promised a chicken in every pot. The chicken will be charged a pot fee.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
The Capitol's plumbing has been ruled "the real government" after it shut down the Senate for 3 days. It has passed more bills than Congress.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
October 5, 2026 at 6:01 PM
starspangledtycoon.bsky.social
Mr. Moneybags McGee tried to relate to voters by riding the bus. He bought the bus. Then the route. Then the voters.

#StarSpangledTycoon #parody
Play free on itch.io: https://starspangledtycoon.itch.io/star-spangled-tycoon
October 5, 2026 at 5:00 PM