If you eat too many Scottish sausages, you might get the nickname… the lorne mower.
September 5, 2026 at 10:12 PM
If you eat too many Scottish sausages, you might get the nickname… the lorne mower.
In the goose community there are many impressive actors. But none more accomplished than Tom Honks.
September 4, 2026 at 10:39 PM
In the goose community there are many impressive actors. But none more accomplished than Tom Honks.
Coffins by EasyJet. When life isn’t easy but death is.
September 3, 2026 at 11:08 PM
Coffins by EasyJet. When life isn’t easy but death is.
There’s a stallion doing a BTEC. A pony doing his GCSEs. And an old nag doing a pottery class. It’s all horses for courses.
August 31, 2026 at 10:47 PM
There’s a stallion doing a BTEC. A pony doing his GCSEs. And an old nag doing a pottery class. It’s all horses for courses.
They've banned a crab from my local Tesco, he just kept pinching things.
August 31, 2026 at 10:44 PM
They've banned a crab from my local Tesco, he just kept pinching things.
I saw a charity bake sale at a train station. Good for them, using their platform for good.
August 31, 2026 at 10:42 PM
I saw a charity bake sale at a train station. Good for them, using their platform for good.
It didn’t take me long to read the book summary. It went by in a blurb.
August 31, 2026 at 10:38 PM
It didn’t take me long to read the book summary. It went by in a blurb.
One day a Norwegian will play Spider-Man. I can’t wait for the web swinging antics of Tom Haaland.
August 31, 2026 at 10:35 PM
One day a Norwegian will play Spider-Man. I can’t wait for the web swinging antics of Tom Haaland.
I got in a lot of trouble for stepping in the poo of Captain Jack Sparrow. That’s right, I was in Depp shit.
August 31, 2026 at 10:33 PM
I got in a lot of trouble for stepping in the poo of Captain Jack Sparrow. That’s right, I was in Depp shit.
To me, being naughty in school was quite relaxing. Especially when they sent me to de-tension.
August 31, 2026 at 10:29 PM
To me, being naughty in school was quite relaxing. Especially when they sent me to de-tension.
In a world where the letter S has been banned. Things have gone pear shaped for Britney Spears.
August 23, 2026 at 9:52 PM
In a world where the letter S has been banned. Things have gone pear shaped for Britney Spears.
I used to tie all the school skipping ropes together. I stopped when they put me in the knotty corner.
August 12, 2026 at 6:18 PM
I used to tie all the school skipping ropes together. I stopped when they put me in the knotty corner.
I got kicked out of the Navy for making love inside a submarine. I’m a victim of my own sub-sex.
August 5, 2026 at 10:36 PM
I got kicked out of the Navy for making love inside a submarine. I’m a victim of my own sub-sex.
I saw a ghost that was so frightening that I lost hearing in one ear. That’s right, it scared me half to deaf.
July 26, 2026 at 9:27 PM
I saw a ghost that was so frightening that I lost hearing in one ear. That’s right, it scared me half to deaf.
I’ve got one of those spider tables. Because it’s got eight legs? Nah, got it on the web.
July 19, 2026 at 2:15 PM
I’ve got one of those spider tables. Because it’s got eight legs? Nah, got it on the web.
My mums sisters smuggled underwear into the country inside their bum. That’s right, I’ve got pants in my aunts.
July 19, 2026 at 2:12 PM
My mums sisters smuggled underwear into the country inside their bum. That’s right, I’ve got pants in my aunts.
My mate Terence has a gun and a thousand legs. He’s part of the mili-terry.
July 19, 2026 at 12:07 PM
My mate Terence has a gun and a thousand legs. He’s part of the mili-terry.
After 90 minutes in the drama school football match, they bring on the background actors. It’s extra time.
July 6, 2026 at 10:26 PM
After 90 minutes in the drama school football match, they bring on the background actors. It’s extra time.
The corner flag doesn’t say much on here, but the goal posts.
July 6, 2026 at 10:24 PM
The corner flag doesn’t say much on here, but the goal posts.
Played a game of football in a garden centre. I made sure to take a hydrangea break.
July 6, 2026 at 10:23 PM
Played a game of football in a garden centre. I made sure to take a hydrangea break.
I told a bloke wearing a transparent mask he was ugly. You should've seen his face.
July 6, 2026 at 10:20 PM
I told a bloke wearing a transparent mask he was ugly. You should've seen his face.
Prank idea. Go into a bowling alley dressed as a centipede and ask for 100 pairs of shoes.
July 6, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Prank idea. Go into a bowling alley dressed as a centipede and ask for 100 pairs of shoes.
I won all the awards in the arts and crafts industry. I had a glittering career.
July 3, 2026 at 8:14 PM
I won all the awards in the arts and crafts industry. I had a glittering career.
I get all my news from Heinz Tomato Ketchup. Why? It’s a great source.
July 2, 2026 at 10:44 PM
I get all my news from Heinz Tomato Ketchup. Why? It’s a great source.
I can’t find my Agatha Christie novels anywhere. I think I’m losing my Marples.
July 2, 2026 at 10:29 PM
I can’t find my Agatha Christie novels anywhere. I think I’m losing my Marples.