I don't know if this feeling will even go away, or my genuine enjoyment of my hobbies and commissions will ever return. But I'm doing what I can to cope and survive. I don't drink, nor do any controlled substances, so all I tend to do is lay in bed and stare at the celing. I feel so empty...

Even tonight, I'm sitting here, typing through tears. Because I still, after 8 months, want this to be a nightmare that I can wake from, go down to the living room, and I would see Mom, on the couch with a coffee, watching Golden Girls. Mom, Dad, I love you both so much, and miss you so fucking much

-and offered their DM's for me to talk, but I always don't want to bother them while they have their own lives. And at the same time, I feel like (as I said) a 3rd wheel, who doesn't really belong there. I've cried so much this year, and especially these last 5 days, but the tears won't stop flowing

-that I've been closing myself off more and more lately. I tried therapy for 6 weeks in a program for those who lost loved ones, but it only made things worse for me. I don't know, part of my thinks I never belonged. My friends have been supporting of me, giving me kind words, words of encourgement-

-71st Birthday this Saturday. Last Saturday was the 6th Anniversary of his passing. It's so hard, I always feel like I'm truly alone no matter what I do. Yeah I have friends, and I have fun, but I always feel like a burden to them, or an unwanted 3rd wheel in their get togethers in Discord or VRC-

-as they moved out last month. So the neighborhood I live in, I'm truly alone. I don't have Family here either who want to associate with me because for some unfathomable reason they hated my Mother when she was alive. This week is also the Anniversary of my Father's passing and his-

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