TragicMonkey
@tragicmonkey.bsky.social
Pulling up pokeweed today I remembered to wear gloves...but the juice went right through them.
September 27, 2026 at 9:07 PM
Pulling up pokeweed today I remembered to wear gloves...but the juice went right through them.
I had a nightmare I was back at my old horrible job and monsters started attacking the building and in the dream I ran out to take my chances with the monsters rather than spend a minute longer with my horrible old manager. I woke up thinking "you made the right decision, dream self!"
September 25, 2026 at 4:41 PM
I had a nightmare I was back at my old horrible job and monsters started attacking the building and in the dream I ran out to take my chances with the monsters rather than spend a minute longer with my horrible old manager. I woke up thinking "you made the right decision, dream self!"
I am in love with the concept that households with multiple pets experience "pet drama" between them, and must navigate all the intersecting relationships carefully to avoid escalating conflict.
September 22, 2026 at 10:10 PM
I am in love with the concept that households with multiple pets experience "pet drama" between them, and must navigate all the intersecting relationships carefully to avoid escalating conflict.
I certainly did NOT see a video about "hidden death danger signs" and then spend 20 minutes attempting to locate my own pedal and tibial pulses to make sure they were in sync with each other. Ha ha ha. That would be nuts.
September 22, 2026 at 3:22 AM
I certainly did NOT see a video about "hidden death danger signs" and then spend 20 minutes attempting to locate my own pedal and tibial pulses to make sure they were in sync with each other. Ha ha ha. That would be nuts.
For a new twist on Xmas, replace Santa Claus with Hercules.
September 21, 2026 at 3:44 PM
For a new twist on Xmas, replace Santa Claus with Hercules.
More pointless looking at real estate listings online. If the first word to pop into my mind when seeing a photo is "craptasm" I think that's a bad sign, right?
September 20, 2026 at 7:41 PM
More pointless looking at real estate listings online. If the first word to pop into my mind when seeing a photo is "craptasm" I think that's a bad sign, right?
I've left instructions for the theme song to "Inspector Gadget" to be played at my funeral. There will be no explanations for this.
September 16, 2026 at 11:17 PM
I've left instructions for the theme song to "Inspector Gadget" to be played at my funeral. There will be no explanations for this.
There are way too many "retirement planning" videos online where some asshole tells you "oh, time is not a renewable currency, you should retire early and enjoy it before it's too late!" Okay, then, jerk, GIVE ME THE DAMN MONEY!
September 15, 2026 at 3:11 AM
There are way too many "retirement planning" videos online where some asshole tells you "oh, time is not a renewable currency, you should retire early and enjoy it before it's too late!" Okay, then, jerk, GIVE ME THE DAMN MONEY!
Call me crazy but if your boss makes more than ten times your salary you shouldn't be asked to donate cash to them or buy them gifts. Is that shallow?
September 14, 2026 at 8:58 PM
Call me crazy but if your boss makes more than ten times your salary you shouldn't be asked to donate cash to them or buy them gifts. Is that shallow?
Today I was powerfully tempted to reach out and pop someone else's pimple. I can't help but wonder what the fallout would have been if I had done so.
September 11, 2026 at 6:46 PM
Today I was powerfully tempted to reach out and pop someone else's pimple. I can't help but wonder what the fallout would have been if I had done so.
I could retire early and live in quiet comfort if I had just forty thousand times as much money as I currently have.
September 8, 2026 at 7:53 PM
I could retire early and live in quiet comfort if I had just forty thousand times as much money as I currently have.
I just looked a real estate listing and I swear I could SMELL the old carpets in every room.
September 7, 2026 at 1:00 AM
I just looked a real estate listing and I swear I could SMELL the old carpets in every room.
Watching a badly-colorized old movie, and there's a constantly fluctuating patch of oversaturated color in the middle of every shot, where the rest of the screen is more lightly colorized. It's actually a pretty cool effect and would have been awesome if done intentionally.
September 5, 2026 at 5:56 PM
Watching a badly-colorized old movie, and there's a constantly fluctuating patch of oversaturated color in the middle of every shot, where the rest of the screen is more lightly colorized. It's actually a pretty cool effect and would have been awesome if done intentionally.
One thing I did not expect from my mother's aging is that she now will casually drop old family secrets into conversation. "Oh yeah, your great uncle used to cheat on your great aunt. My cousin had a drug problem. Great-grandpa had to leave town because he killed someone in 1901." Um, okay?
September 4, 2026 at 2:05 PM
One thing I did not expect from my mother's aging is that she now will casually drop old family secrets into conversation. "Oh yeah, your great uncle used to cheat on your great aunt. My cousin had a drug problem. Great-grandpa had to leave town because he killed someone in 1901." Um, okay?
A great deal of the history of office tech could be explained if we discovered that every printer ever made was possessed by an angry ghost.
September 4, 2026 at 3:51 AM
A great deal of the history of office tech could be explained if we discovered that every printer ever made was possessed by an angry ghost.
I wish I had the confidence of a policeman character in the first ten minutes of a horror movie, the one who says he's sure there's nothing awry and there's no monster and the first victim will turn up alive and well any moment.
September 2, 2026 at 11:22 PM
I wish I had the confidence of a policeman character in the first ten minutes of a horror movie, the one who says he's sure there's nothing awry and there's no monster and the first victim will turn up alive and well any moment.
Add 1970's "Queens of Evil" to the list of movies that had the bones of greatness in them, but juuuust didn't manage to pull it off. A little polish here and there and it could have really worked. I doubt a modern remake would be much good, though: too much of its charm is from its period.
August 31, 2026 at 9:30 PM
Add 1970's "Queens of Evil" to the list of movies that had the bones of greatness in them, but juuuust didn't manage to pull it off. A little polish here and there and it could have really worked. I doubt a modern remake would be much good, though: too much of its charm is from its period.
Wow! I found a house I can afford in my area!
It's directly on the creek with all the radioactive toxic waste.
It's directly on the creek with all the radioactive toxic waste.
August 31, 2026 at 2:48 AM
Wow! I found a house I can afford in my area!
It's directly on the creek with all the radioactive toxic waste.
It's directly on the creek with all the radioactive toxic waste.
Watching an old movie and really confused. Apparently the whole conflict of the thing is that the gentry were deeply, DEEPLY shocked to discover their servants had sex lives. That...was it. They caught the valet banging the maid and freaked out for an hour and twenty minutes. Values dissonance?
August 30, 2026 at 11:58 PM
Watching an old movie and really confused. Apparently the whole conflict of the thing is that the gentry were deeply, DEEPLY shocked to discover their servants had sex lives. That...was it. They caught the valet banging the maid and freaked out for an hour and twenty minutes. Values dissonance?
1971's "Incense for the Damned" has all the elements of a great horror film, it just fumbles the execution. Still worth watching fifty years on. In the hands of a decent indie director a remake could be great!
August 30, 2026 at 5:49 PM
1971's "Incense for the Damned" has all the elements of a great horror film, it just fumbles the execution. Still worth watching fifty years on. In the hands of a decent indie director a remake could be great!
Gee, who could have seen it coming? Legalizing sports gambling in my state did not, after all, result in the massive promised tax revenue "for education". What a surprise. Perhaps if we had better education the voters would have seen that coming.
August 28, 2026 at 1:46 PM
Gee, who could have seen it coming? Legalizing sports gambling in my state did not, after all, result in the massive promised tax revenue "for education". What a surprise. Perhaps if we had better education the voters would have seen that coming.
Watching 1972's "Baron Blood" and all these minor characters are acting so overdramatic when they get murdered. His name is Baron Blood. He's literally back from Hell. Of COURSE he's going to murder you! What did you expect him to do, tickle you? Sheesh!
August 27, 2026 at 3:26 PM
Watching 1972's "Baron Blood" and all these minor characters are acting so overdramatic when they get murdered. His name is Baron Blood. He's literally back from Hell. Of COURSE he's going to murder you! What did you expect him to do, tickle you? Sheesh!
I love watching retirement planning videos. They all start off one of two ways:
1. "Helen makes $850,000 a year and has saved $5000 for retirement"
or
2. "Jack and Nancy have $40,000 saved can they retire next year?"
They'll be fighting over discarded potatoes in a dumpster next week.
1. "Helen makes $850,000 a year and has saved $5000 for retirement"
or
2. "Jack and Nancy have $40,000 saved can they retire next year?"
They'll be fighting over discarded potatoes in a dumpster next week.
August 25, 2026 at 2:45 PM
I love watching retirement planning videos. They all start off one of two ways:
1. "Helen makes $850,000 a year and has saved $5000 for retirement"
or
2. "Jack and Nancy have $40,000 saved can they retire next year?"
They'll be fighting over discarded potatoes in a dumpster next week.
1. "Helen makes $850,000 a year and has saved $5000 for retirement"
or
2. "Jack and Nancy have $40,000 saved can they retire next year?"
They'll be fighting over discarded potatoes in a dumpster next week.
Watching "The Vampire Lovers", 1970. The vampire takes the form of a cat when she feeds. They could have caught her easily by simply placing an empty cardboard box on the floor, she'd have been unable to resist its allure.
August 25, 2026 at 2:41 PM
Watching "The Vampire Lovers", 1970. The vampire takes the form of a cat when she feeds. They could have caught her easily by simply placing an empty cardboard box on the floor, she'd have been unable to resist its allure.
I love when people in movies see a ghost or something, another character says "you must have imagined it", and they just agree. Like, is your imagination really that good? I've never seen anything that wasn't there, ever! I frequently fail to see things that ARE there, but never vice versa.
August 22, 2026 at 8:53 PM
I love when people in movies see a ghost or something, another character says "you must have imagined it", and they just agree. Like, is your imagination really that good? I've never seen anything that wasn't there, ever! I frequently fail to see things that ARE there, but never vice versa.