Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew https://theonion.com/aide-wearily-begins-5th-explanation-of-why-trump-cant-pardon-prince-andrew/
February 20, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew https://theonion.com/aide-wearily-begins-5th-explanation-of-why-trump-cant-pardon-prince-andrew/
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
September 1, 2025 at 2:02 AM
WHITE HOUSE AIDE: we need a distraction from the president being dead
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
OTHER WHITE HOUSE AIDE: let’s kill Rudy
White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party https://theonion.com/white-house-aide-fired-after-telling-jd-vance-about-super-bowl-party/
February 2, 2026 at 7:45 PM
White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party https://theonion.com/white-house-aide-fired-after-telling-jd-vance-about-super-bowl-party/
Fetterman text to aide: “Why do I have to keep having to meet with [Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]?”
Aide: “Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.”
Fetterman: “Well I’m not.”
@wsj.com #PAsen
www.wsj.com/politics/pol...
Aide: “Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.”
Fetterman: “Well I’m not.”
@wsj.com #PAsen
www.wsj.com/politics/pol...
September 4, 2026 at 10:51 AM
Fetterman text to aide: “Why do I have to keep having to meet with [Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia]?”
Aide: “Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.”
Fetterman: “Well I’m not.”
@wsj.com #PAsen
www.wsj.com/politics/pol...
Aide: “Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.”
Fetterman: “Well I’m not.”
@wsj.com #PAsen
www.wsj.com/politics/pol...
AIDE: "Mr. President, you'll soon be into the teens!"
TRUMP: "Been there. Done that."
TRUMP: "Been there. Done that."
“Nobody’s ever seen poll numbers like mine before.” — Senile Satan
September 22, 2026 at 10:50 PM
AIDE: "Mr. President, you'll soon be into the teens!"
TRUMP: "Been there. Done that."
TRUMP: "Been there. Done that."
Melania Trump Casts Longtime Aide Into Well Of Gloom https://theonion.com/melania-trump-casts-longtime-aide-into-well-of-gloom/
January 15, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Melania Trump Casts Longtime Aide Into Well Of Gloom https://theonion.com/melania-trump-casts-longtime-aide-into-well-of-gloom/
His aide should be fired too
May 6, 2025 at 12:48 AM
His aide should be fired too
Their incompetence is breathtaking.
TRUMP AIDE 1: "We need at totally non-weird, non-strange, non-bizarre, super-masculine he-man to be our spokesperson to undermine James Talarico."
TRUMP AIDE 2: "Is Stephen Miller available?"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "Genius!"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "We need at totally non-weird, non-strange, non-bizarre, super-masculine he-man to be our spokesperson to undermine James Talarico."
TRUMP AIDE 2: "Is Stephen Miller available?"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "Genius!"
June 20, 2026 at 8:55 PM
Their incompetence is breathtaking.
TRUMP AIDE 1: "We need at totally non-weird, non-strange, non-bizarre, super-masculine he-man to be our spokesperson to undermine James Talarico."
TRUMP AIDE 2: "Is Stephen Miller available?"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "Genius!"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "We need at totally non-weird, non-strange, non-bizarre, super-masculine he-man to be our spokesperson to undermine James Talarico."
TRUMP AIDE 2: "Is Stephen Miller available?"
TRUMP AIDE 1: "Genius!"
Aide: sir you were supposed to choose ONE of the talking points
Trump: The Strait will open up automatically. We'll open the Strait anyway. We don't use the Strait. It won't be easy. We will have that open fairly soon. You don't need a back up plan
April 10, 2026 at 10:23 PM
Aide: sir you were supposed to choose ONE of the talking points
Natalie Harp, the child aide being viciously attacked for being a helpless young girl, is 35 years old.
August 19, 2026 at 6:06 PM
Natalie Harp, the child aide being viciously attacked for being a helpless young girl, is 35 years old.
Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew
Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew
WASHINGTON—Exhausted from repeated efforts to explain the most basic aspect of political power, an aide to President Trump nevertheless began wearily explaining for the fifth time Friday why he couldn...
theonion.com
February 22, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Aide Wearily Begins 5th Explanation Of Why Trump Can’t Pardon Prince Andrew
Melania Trump named her new First Lady Chief of Staff today, and she just happens to be ‘Trump Aide 1’ in his classified documents indictment. open.substack.com/pub/meidasto...
Melania's New COS Is 'Trump Aide 1' in Docs Indictment
Heading back to the scene of the crime.
open.substack.com
November 22, 2024 at 10:45 PM
Melania Trump named her new First Lady Chief of Staff today, and she just happens to be ‘Trump Aide 1’ in his classified documents indictment. open.substack.com/pub/meidasto...
So if Devin Nunes had a cow account, why not his top aide, Kash Patel?
And could we please call it the Kash Cow?
And could we please call it the Kash Cow?
December 2, 2024 at 3:34 PM
So if Devin Nunes had a cow account, why not his top aide, Kash Patel?
And could we please call it the Kash Cow?
And could we please call it the Kash Cow?
Yes! Her aide is so loving it!
April 21, 2026 at 10:12 PM
Yes! Her aide is so loving it!
Tell 'em AOC!!!
AOC Perfectly Shames Trump Aide After He Insults Her During His Cringey Interview
Preach, AOC!
www.comicsands.com
February 18, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Tell 'em AOC!!!
Cheney Clotheslines Aide
Cheney Clotheslines Aide
theonion.com
November 4, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Cheney Clotheslines Aide
Federal officers entered Rep. Jerry Nadler’s office in Lower Manhattan on Wednesday and handcuffed and briefly detained one of his aides. The confrontation happened shortly after the aide observed federal agents detaining migrants in a public hallway outside an immigration courtroom.
Aide to Rep. Nadler Is Handcuffed Amid Confrontation With Federal Agents
www.nytimes.com
May 31, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Federal officers entered Rep. Jerry Nadler’s office in Lower Manhattan on Wednesday and handcuffed and briefly detained one of his aides. The confrontation happened shortly after the aide observed federal agents detaining migrants in a public hallway outside an immigration courtroom.
LMAO -- an aide seemingly tells RFK Jr to mute his mic and stop breathing like a total freak
September 4, 2025 at 2:53 PM
LMAO -- an aide seemingly tells RFK Jr to mute his mic and stop breathing like a total freak
White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party
White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party
WASHINGTON—Insisting the terminated worker had violated the terms of her employment by leaking highly sensitive information, the White House announced Monday that longtime aide Sandra Wilton had been ...
theonion.com
February 8, 2026 at 7:00 PM
White House Aide Fired After Telling JD Vance About Super Bowl Party
Aide: “Mr. President…?”
Trump: “I’m awake. What were we talking about again?”
Aide: “Milk, sir. Whole milk in schools.”
Trump: “Oh, good. I love children.”
Aide: “Ummm… Mr. President.”
Trump: “I’m awake. What were we talking about again?”
Aide: “Milk, sir. Whole milk in schools.”
Trump: “Oh, good. I love children.”
Aide: “Ummm… Mr. President.”
January 15, 2026 at 10:01 PM
Aide: “Mr. President…?”
Trump: “I’m awake. What were we talking about again?”
Aide: “Milk, sir. Whole milk in schools.”
Trump: “Oh, good. I love children.”
Aide: “Ummm… Mr. President.”
Trump: “I’m awake. What were we talking about again?”
Aide: “Milk, sir. Whole milk in schools.”
Trump: “Oh, good. I love children.”
Aide: “Ummm… Mr. President.”
nice to see moral clarity from the
*checks notes*
*squints*
*beckons aide*
*whispers to aide*
*listends to aide*
*mouths WTF*
Saudis
*checks notes*
*squints*
*beckons aide*
*whispers to aide*
*listends to aide*
*mouths WTF*
Saudis
February 5, 2025 at 2:20 AM
nice to see moral clarity from the
*checks notes*
*squints*
*beckons aide*
*whispers to aide*
*listends to aide*
*mouths WTF*
Saudis
*checks notes*
*squints*
*beckons aide*
*whispers to aide*
*listends to aide*
*mouths WTF*
Saudis
Greek President to aide: Do we still have Perseus’ number
Resistance HQ Bulletin 23, 12/10/24. Today was obviously Gossip & Palace Intrigue Day, with lots of moving pieces involved. open.substack.com/pub/meidasto...
Resistance HQ Bulletin 23, 12/10/24
… It appears that the extremely long engagement has come to an end between lovebirds Don Jr. and Kim Guilfoyle despite no announcement by either, as Junior was photographed again during a night out on...
open.substack.com
December 11, 2024 at 6:32 AM
Greek President to aide: Do we still have Perseus’ number
Trump: "I'm ready for my next cabinet pick."
Aide: "Shall I get the Sex Offender list or the Russian Asset list?"
Aide: "Shall I get the Sex Offender list or the Russian Asset list?"
November 20, 2024 at 8:56 PM
Trump: "I'm ready for my next cabinet pick."
Aide: "Shall I get the Sex Offender list or the Russian Asset list?"
Aide: "Shall I get the Sex Offender list or the Russian Asset list?"
Here is what happens when you call, an aide has to answer then that aide has to write down the inquiry, that is presented to your politician. Now times it be 1000% and that aide is now stressed, lines get disconnected, the stress created is transferred to the politician. The pressure builds up.
"People are waking up. Our office's phones are overwhelmed today. This rally tonight to protest Musk and Trump's seizure of our personal data was supposed to have a few hundred people and 1000+ showed up."
- Chris Murphy U.S. Senator from Connecticut. #3E #USprotests #DOGE #UStreasury
- Chris Murphy U.S. Senator from Connecticut. #3E #USprotests #DOGE #UStreasury
February 6, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Here is what happens when you call, an aide has to answer then that aide has to write down the inquiry, that is presented to your politician. Now times it be 1000% and that aide is now stressed, lines get disconnected, the stress created is transferred to the politician. The pressure builds up.