FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie
February 13, 2026 at 8:10 PM
FBI Announces They Have Located Savannah Guthrie
Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers https://theonion.com/trump-announces-5000-increase-in-all-numbers/
December 2, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers https://theonion.com/trump-announces-5000-increase-in-all-numbers/
Turning Point USA Announces Alternative Puerto Rico https://theonion.com/turning-point-usa-announces-alternative-puerto-rico/
February 12, 2026 at 9:00 PM
Turning Point USA Announces Alternative Puerto Rico https://theonion.com/turning-point-usa-announces-alternative-puerto-rico/
NEW: Gavin Newsom announces a "HISTORIC" event this Thursday
August 13, 2025 at 8:05 PM
NEW: Gavin Newsom announces a "HISTORIC" event this Thursday
Chairman Mao announces that he’s increasing the price of iPhones
May 23, 2025 at 11:51 AM
Chairman Mao announces that he’s increasing the price of iPhones
John Fetterman announces he will be voting NO on Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr.
February 7, 2025 at 2:31 AM
John Fetterman announces he will be voting NO on Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr.
Trump announces his endorsement of Harris
August 8, 2024 at 5:45 PM
Trump announces his endorsement of Harris
Stephen King announces that he quit Twitter
November 15, 2024 at 1:35 AM
Stephen King announces that he quit Twitter
New Mexico Dem governor nominee Haaland announces data center moratorium executive order if elected ictnews.org/news/new-mex...
New Mexico Dem governor nominee Haaland announces data center moratorium executive order if elected - ICT
Haaland defends taking money from data center company.
ictnews.org
September 29, 2026 at 9:29 PM
New Mexico Dem governor nominee Haaland announces data center moratorium executive order if elected ictnews.org/news/new-mex...
BREAKING: Trump announces new Heslth and Human Services Secretary
November 14, 2024 at 2:44 AM
BREAKING: Trump announces new Heslth and Human Services Secretary
Cuomo Announces Plan To Govern New York City As Independent https://theonion.com/cuomo-announces-plan-to-govern-new-york-city-as-independent/
November 5, 2025 at 2:55 AM
Cuomo Announces Plan To Govern New York City As Independent https://theonion.com/cuomo-announces-plan-to-govern-new-york-city-as-independent/
Walz announces that Rep. Melissa Hortman is dead as a result of a "politically motivated assassination"
June 14, 2025 at 2:49 PM
Walz announces that Rep. Melissa Hortman is dead as a result of a "politically motivated assassination"
Trump announces that billionaires no longer have to comply with environmental regulations
December 11, 2024 at 12:58 AM
Trump announces that billionaires no longer have to comply with environmental regulations
*Hangs on to this tweet for when he announces yet another farmer bailout*
March 3, 2025 at 6:42 PM
*Hangs on to this tweet for when he announces yet another farmer bailout*
Trump announces massive tariffs at 1:00 today.
January 31, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Trump announces massive tariffs at 1:00 today.
aespa announces a new mini album, 'Whiplash', out October 21st.
September 22, 2024 at 3:03 PM
aespa announces a new mini album, 'Whiplash', out October 21st.
‘New York Times’ Announces New Columnist Will Contribute Nothing To Society 3 Times A Week
July 4, 2025 at 3:36 AM
‘New York Times’ Announces New Columnist Will Contribute Nothing To Society 3 Times A Week
Hegseth announces "Fortress America," which will study "survivability"
September 30, 2026 at 7:36 PM
Hegseth announces "Fortress America," which will study "survivability"
OpenAI Announces Construction Of New Data Center On Top Of Sick Child
May 20, 2026 at 5:03 PM
OpenAI Announces Construction Of New Data Center On Top Of Sick Child
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
November 19, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Larry Summers Announces He Will Step Down From Chair With Belt Around Neck
PGA Announces Golf Will Be Loud Now https://theonion.com/pga-announces-golf-will-be-loud-now/
September 17, 2026 at 8:00 PM
PGA Announces Golf Will Be Loud Now https://theonion.com/pga-announces-golf-will-be-loud-now/
Trump announces Charlie Kirk has died:
September 10, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Trump announces Charlie Kirk has died:
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
August 9, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
Stray Kids announces new project ‘KING GIANT’.
September 29, 2024 at 3:14 PM
Stray Kids announces new project ‘KING GIANT’.
Cash-Strapped WeightWatchers Announces Butter Now Zero Points
theonion.com/cash-st...
theonion.com/cash-st...
January 30, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Cash-Strapped WeightWatchers Announces Butter Now Zero Points
theonion.com/cash-st...
theonion.com/cash-st...