Morning arrived like six antelopes trying to get into a VW Beetle—basically, a clown car but with way more sharp pointy hooves.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 28, 2026 at 3:16 PM
Morning arrived like six antelopes trying to get into a VW Beetle—basically, a clown car but with way more sharp pointy hooves.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a balrog of Morgoth—drums…drums in the deep! Shadow and flame…alarm clock. Fly you fools!
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 25, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Morning arrived like a balrog of Morgoth—drums…drums in the deep! Shadow and flame…alarm clock. Fly you fools!
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 29, 2026 at 3:34 PM
Morning arrived like an affectionate walrus—sure, it’s adorable, but it’s also twenty-two hundred tons of tusked steamroller.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 21, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Morning arrived like an affectionate walrus—sure, it’s adorable, but it’s also twenty-two hundred tons of tusked steamroller.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a dump truck full of sea urchins–pointy, prickly, and a bitter reminder you’re not at a tropical beach.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 27, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Morning arrived like a dump truck full of sea urchins–pointy, prickly, and a bitter reminder you’re not at a tropical beach.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like the butterfly effect—you know that one wrong move means everything goes to hell, so your best bet is to go back to sleep.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 26, 2026 at 4:17 PM
Morning arrived like the butterfly effect—you know that one wrong move means everything goes to hell, so your best bet is to go back to sleep.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a argggguana, His name was Wilhelm, he was an show-lizard, with yellow spike on his spine and a tail hanging down to there. He climbed a tree. There was a cold snap. And AAAAIEEEARGGH!
*smol thud*
#BadNoirClassic
*smol thud*
#BadNoirClassic
September 23, 2026 at 3:07 PM
Morning arrived like a argggguana, His name was Wilhelm, he was an show-lizard, with yellow spike on his spine and a tail hanging down to there. He climbed a tree. There was a cold snap. And AAAAIEEEARGGH!
*smol thud*
#BadNoirClassic
*smol thud*
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like The Fellowship of the Jedi, in which Frodo Skywalker must reporg his feather’s lightsaber by forming a new order of flightless waterfowl from the eggs laid on the slopes of the lonely isle while confronting Darth Smaug and his own family secrets.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 18, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Morning arrived like The Fellowship of the Jedi, in which Frodo Skywalker must reporg his feather’s lightsaber by forming a new order of flightless waterfowl from the eggs laid on the slopes of the lonely isle while confronting Darth Smaug and his own family secrets.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a Salvador Dali moose melting into a sidewalk grating to the tune of Yakety Sax played at one quarter speed—either that or I'm having that dream again… #BadNoirClassic
November 8, 2024 at 8:40 PM
Morning arrived like a Salvador Dali moose melting into a sidewalk grating to the tune of Yakety Sax played at one quarter speed—either that or I'm having that dream again… #BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a tidal wave of guinea pigs—the cute, the fluff, the horrible squeals coming from under your surf board…
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 19, 2026 at 3:22 PM
Morning arrived like a tidal wave of guinea pigs—the cute, the fluff, the horrible squeals coming from under your surf board…
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like 144 centipedes in a human costume —we think it might be running for Senate…and there’s the Fox News endorsement.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
July 25, 2026 at 3:18 PM
Morning arrived like 144 centipedes in a human costume —we think it might be running for Senate…and there’s the Fox News endorsement.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like someone not asking for advice on the internet—you know, the person who is now neck deep in unsolicited unwanted unwelcome and unnecessary advice.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
June 7, 2025 at 3:57 PM
Morning arrived like someone not asking for advice on the internet—you know, the person who is now neck deep in unsolicited unwanted unwelcome and unnecessary advice.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like the last exit before the information superhighway hits the fan. AKA the Entrepreneur Interchange or, Shitti Junction by those who navigate it regularly. The addition of the A.I. “bridge to nowhere” is only expected to make things worse. Buckle up, Buttercup!
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 24, 2026 at 3:17 PM
Morning arrived like the last exit before the information superhighway hits the fan. AKA the Entrepreneur Interchange or, Shitti Junction by those who navigate it regularly. The addition of the A.I. “bridge to nowhere” is only expected to make things worse. Buckle up, Buttercup!
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like an unnamed reindeer on a bender the day after the day of: If that jolly old elf gets the buggy whip out one more time, he’s going to get some antlers stuffed up _his_ chimney. #BadNoirClassic
December 26, 2025 at 4:38 PM
Morning arrived like an unnamed reindeer on a bender the day after the day of: If that jolly old elf gets the buggy whip out one more time, he’s going to get some antlers stuffed up _his_ chimney. #BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like memories of sheep—baa, baa, baa, zzzz…or maybe not. More like memories of ravenous hamsters squeaking and biting and… Hell. *throws metaphors in metaphorical bucket and goes back to bed.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
May 26, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Morning arrived like memories of sheep—baa, baa, baa, zzzz…or maybe not. More like memories of ravenous hamsters squeaking and biting and… Hell. *throws metaphors in metaphorical bucket and goes back to bed.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like…what continent is my walrus waltzing on—wait, this is NOT my beautiful walrus. How did I get here?
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 16, 2026 at 3:21 PM
Morning arrived like…what continent is my walrus waltzing on—wait, this is NOT my beautiful walrus. How did I get here?
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a Fox in a Jurassic hen house—my what a big beak you have Mr. Chicken, and such long feathers, and what huge teeth…you know, I was just leaving.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
March 5, 2026 at 4:35 PM
Morning arrived like a Fox in a Jurassic hen house—my what a big beak you have Mr. Chicken, and such long feathers, and what huge teeth…you know, I was just leaving.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a Shakespeare soliloquy delivered by Elmer Fudd. Fwinds, Womans, Countwymen… Who needs the gweef?
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 15, 2026 at 3:32 PM
Morning arrived like a Shakespeare soliloquy delivered by Elmer Fudd. Fwinds, Womans, Countwymen… Who needs the gweef?
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like the cat's pajamas, which if you ever tried to pajama a cat, you will know involves unholy shrieking, zillions of teeth, ALL THE CLAWS EVAR, a terminally bad attitude and considerable bloodshed. Fucking Mondays.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
August 31, 2026 at 3:09 PM
Morning arrived like the cat's pajamas, which if you ever tried to pajama a cat, you will know involves unholy shrieking, zillions of teeth, ALL THE CLAWS EVAR, a terminally bad attitude and considerable bloodshed. Fucking Mondays.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
July 15, 2026 at 3:25 PM
Morning arrived like a school of sinus piranhas. Placid, gentle…is that a bloody nose?!
*horrible, distant fish-slapping noises like pouring a bucket of carp down the stairs*
*violent sneezing*
*a fading scream*
Fine, pass me the damn neti pot.
#BadNoirClassic
*horrible, distant fish-slapping noises like pouring a bucket of carp down the stairs*
*violent sneezing*
*a fading scream*
Fine, pass me the damn neti pot.
#BadNoirClassic
April 17, 2026 at 3:19 PM
Morning arrived like a school of sinus piranhas. Placid, gentle…is that a bloody nose?!
*horrible, distant fish-slapping noises like pouring a bucket of carp down the stairs*
*violent sneezing*
*a fading scream*
Fine, pass me the damn neti pot.
#BadNoirClassic
*horrible, distant fish-slapping noises like pouring a bucket of carp down the stairs*
*violent sneezing*
*a fading scream*
Fine, pass me the damn neti pot.
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a kitten in a tuxedo—adorable, dapper, and quite quite confused.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
May 24, 2026 at 3:55 PM
Morning arrived like a kitten in a tuxedo—adorable, dapper, and quite quite confused.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a giant spatula—you know you’re about to get flipped into the frying pan and there’s not much you can do about it.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
September 22, 2026 at 3:26 PM
Morning arrived like a giant spatula—you know you’re about to get flipped into the frying pan and there’s not much you can do about it.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
Morning arrived like a rather obscure joke about the way that quantum tunneling, epistemic closure, the politics of the late Roman republic, and farting goblins tie into the Dada movement and Wagner's Ring Cycle, but, alas, the punchline Schrodingered itself.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
July 28, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Morning arrived like a rather obscure joke about the way that quantum tunneling, epistemic closure, the politics of the late Roman republic, and farting goblins tie into the Dada movement and Wagner's Ring Cycle, but, alas, the punchline Schrodingered itself.
#BadNoirClassic
#BadNoirClassic
June 10, 2025 at 3:28 PM