[Leonard Cohen voice] I’ve heard there was a secret chimp
July 26, 2025 at 4:17 AM
[Leonard Cohen voice] I’ve heard there was a secret chimp
me: *signing to chimp*
chimp: *signs back*
reporter: how long did it take him to learn that?
chimp: years
chimp: *signs back*
reporter: how long did it take him to learn that?
chimp: years
December 19, 2024 at 8:23 PM
me: *signing to chimp*
chimp: *signs back*
reporter: how long did it take him to learn that?
chimp: years
chimp: *signs back*
reporter: how long did it take him to learn that?
chimp: years
Jane Goodall Returns From Latest Expedition With Annoying Chimp Accent
theonion.com/jane-go...
theonion.com/jane-go...
June 19, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Jane Goodall Returns From Latest Expedition With Annoying Chimp Accent
theonion.com/jane-go...
theonion.com/jane-go...
it's like. you give a chimp a gun. and the chimp goes around and shoots a bunch of people. but also the chimp shoots hitler. and in this case what this means is the chimp shot himself and the chimp was hitler. if you get my meaning. great work chimp
June 16, 2026 at 5:17 PM
it's like. you give a chimp a gun. and the chimp goes around and shoots a bunch of people. but also the chimp shoots hitler. and in this case what this means is the chimp shot himself and the chimp was hitler. if you get my meaning. great work chimp
Paul Atreides: may thy knife chimp and shatter
Feyd-Rautha: this mfer said chimp
Stilgar: [changes name of Sietch Tabr to Chimp and Shatter]
Feyd-Rautha: this mfer said chimp
Stilgar: [changes name of Sietch Tabr to Chimp and Shatter]
April 1, 2024 at 8:20 PM
Paul Atreides: may thy knife chimp and shatter
Feyd-Rautha: this mfer said chimp
Stilgar: [changes name of Sietch Tabr to Chimp and Shatter]
Feyd-Rautha: this mfer said chimp
Stilgar: [changes name of Sietch Tabr to Chimp and Shatter]
We taught this chimp the median voter’s politics
This is incredible. Ironically, I would say that Paxton has been extremely effective at carrying out his party's policies on the national stage (RAGA loves him), but these people have no frame of reference for anything they can't see on Facebook
September 25, 2026 at 12:26 AM
We taught this chimp the median voter’s politics
RIP
Jane Goodall Returns From Latest Expedition With Annoying Chimp Accent
BOURNEMOUTH, ENGLAND—Gesturing wildly with her arms and grunting whenever she spoke, Dr. Jane Goodall returned from her latest expedition with an annoying chimp accent, sources confirmed Monday. “She ...
theonion.com
October 2, 2025 at 12:45 AM
RIP
Please stop asking if you can see the Secret Chimp. You don't see the Secret Chimp. The Secret Chimp sees you.
October 11, 2025 at 1:52 PM
Please stop asking if you can see the Secret Chimp. You don't see the Secret Chimp. The Secret Chimp sees you.
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
July 20, 2026 at 2:09 AM
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
When you're truly committed to the bit
July 25, 2025 at 6:26 PM
When you're truly committed to the bit
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
September 21, 2026 at 4:44 PM
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
Stephen Colbert on Trump’s first two weeks: ‘Like a chimp with a chainsaw’
February 6, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Stephen Colbert on Trump’s first two weeks: ‘Like a chimp with a chainsaw’
mandril-chimp scribbles
May 16, 2026 at 8:09 PM
mandril-chimp scribbles
lol holy shit i'm reading the wiki for Bedtime for Bonzo (1951) starring Ronald Reagan and look how close a chimp came to altering the history of the entire goddamn planet
March 13, 2025 at 6:33 AM
lol holy shit i'm reading the wiki for Bedtime for Bonzo (1951) starring Ronald Reagan and look how close a chimp came to altering the history of the entire goddamn planet
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
June 11, 2026 at 2:01 PM
Mother chimp sadly goes to a towel to see her baby after two days which she thought was born dead.
Original post
Original post
Death to all chimp-men.
February 26, 2026 at 2:17 AM
Death to all chimp-men.
They got a little coffin for a chimp and they put the chimp in the coffin and they’re burying the chimp.
That is funny.
That is funny.
June 3, 2025 at 2:56 AM
They got a little coffin for a chimp and they put the chimp in the coffin and they’re burying the chimp.
That is funny.
That is funny.