Introduction to COBOL!
December 17, 2024 at 8:37 PM
Introduction to COBOL!
"Migrate off COBOL" is the Grave of Empires
SCOOP: DOGE wants to rebuild SSA's codebase in months, risking benefits and system collapse, sources tell me.
The plan is to migrate all systems off COBOL quickly which would likely require the use of generative AI.
www.wired.com/story/doge-r...
The plan is to migrate all systems off COBOL quickly which would likely require the use of generative AI.
www.wired.com/story/doge-r...
DOGE Plans to Rebuild SSA Codebase In Months, Risking Benefits and System Collapse
Social Security systems contain tens of millions of lines of code written in COBOL, an archaic programming language. Safely rewriting that code would take years—DOGE wants it done in months.
www.wired.com
March 28, 2025 at 3:02 PM
"Migrate off COBOL" is the Grave of Empires
>they're going to vibecode cobol
so, who's stocking up on canned food and shotguns?
so, who's stocking up on canned food and shotguns?
IBM stock, $IBM, falls over -10% after Anthropic announces that Claude can streamline COBOL code.
February 23, 2026 at 9:34 PM
>they're going to vibecode cobol
so, who's stocking up on canned food and shotguns?
so, who's stocking up on canned food and shotguns?
Now there's a protest sign you don't see often.
April 6, 2025 at 2:05 AM
Now there's a protest sign you don't see often.
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove. www.wired.com/story/cobol-...
COBOL Is the Asbestos of Programming Languages
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove.
www.wired.com
March 16, 2026 at 11:04 AM
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove. www.wired.com/story/cobol-...
Weren't these guys jacking around with the COBOL code?
Because, I'm sure they know nothing of COBOL.
Because, I'm sure they know nothing of COBOL.
March 9, 2026 at 3:05 AM
Weren't these guys jacking around with the COBOL code?
Because, I'm sure they know nothing of COBOL.
Because, I'm sure they know nothing of COBOL.
the Oops! All COBOL scenario
yeah I kinda predict that the value of actually knowing code is gonna u-curve: mid-term "lol why bother loser, the LLM will do it for us" will decrease it, then you will get a lot of "oh shit the stuff the blackbox spat out is broken and no one on staff can code".
The size of the technical debt that is going to be created by these flashy new AI agents we are promised are going to be so fucking big, oh boy
May 1, 2025 at 8:59 PM
the Oops! All COBOL scenario
So, the DOGE kids intend to rewrite the social-security administration's COBOL code-base!
and they want to do it ...
... in *a few months*
I did a huge dive into COBOL a few years ago (www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazi...) ...
... so let me explain why DOGE is *way* over its skis here
1/9
and they want to do it ...
... in *a few months*
I did a huge dive into COBOL a few years ago (www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazi...) ...
... so let me explain why DOGE is *way* over its skis here
1/9
browse by category
www.wealthsimple.com
March 30, 2025 at 6:41 PM
So, the DOGE kids intend to rewrite the social-security administration's COBOL code-base!
and they want to do it ...
... in *a few months*
I did a huge dive into COBOL a few years ago (www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazi...) ...
... so let me explain why DOGE is *way* over its skis here
1/9
and they want to do it ...
... in *a few months*
I did a huge dive into COBOL a few years ago (www.wealthsimple.com/en-ca/magazi...) ...
... so let me explain why DOGE is *way* over its skis here
1/9
where is the COBOL starter pack?????
October 30, 2024 at 11:44 PM
where is the COBOL starter pack?????
we stand up for women's rights and women's wrongs (COBOL)
COBOL..invented by a woman btw(Grace Hopper)....must piss them off extra.
February 15, 2025 at 2:01 AM
we stand up for women's rights and women's wrongs (COBOL)
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove.
COBOL Is the Asbestos of Programming Languages
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove.
wrd.cm
March 22, 2026 at 1:05 PM
The most widely adopted computer language in history, COBOL is now causing a host of problems. It's also dangerously difficult to remove.
COBOL..invented by a woman btw(Grace Hopper)....must piss them off extra.
February 15, 2025 at 1:59 AM
COBOL..invented by a woman btw(Grace Hopper)....must piss them off extra.
Illustration for Cobol
July 14, 2026 at 1:42 PM
Illustration for Cobol
right now a 25 year old berkeley grad is slapping chat gpt cobol code into the treasury’s electronic payment system. im sure this will be fine.
February 4, 2025 at 6:27 PM
right now a 25 year old berkeley grad is slapping chat gpt cobol code into the treasury’s electronic payment system. im sure this will be fine.
The pope knows if you masturbate, and he uses COBOL to do so.
June 20, 2025 at 5:49 PM
The pope knows if you masturbate, and he uses COBOL to do so.
The Lords of Cobol have spoken.
September 25, 2026 at 10:39 PM
The Lords of Cobol have spoken.
+1 for COBOL. Working in fintech it's scary how much 1960 infrastructure is still back end mission critical and unfortunately they aren't making too many COBOL Devs anymore
January 2, 2025 at 6:43 PM
+1 for COBOL. Working in fintech it's scary how much 1960 infrastructure is still back end mission critical and unfortunately they aren't making too many COBOL Devs anymore
First off, they will almost certainly discover that COBOL is hard to improve on
Old COBOL often runs *great*
COBOL systems are very often fast as hell -- they're torqued specifically for the hardware they run on
This is why banks today still rely on COBOL bank-end systems:
They *rip*
2/9
Old COBOL often runs *great*
COBOL systems are very often fast as hell -- they're torqued specifically for the hardware they run on
This is why banks today still rely on COBOL bank-end systems:
They *rip*
2/9
March 30, 2025 at 6:41 PM
First off, they will almost certainly discover that COBOL is hard to improve on
Old COBOL often runs *great*
COBOL systems are very often fast as hell -- they're torqued specifically for the hardware they run on
This is why banks today still rely on COBOL bank-end systems:
They *rip*
2/9
Old COBOL often runs *great*
COBOL systems are very often fast as hell -- they're torqued specifically for the hardware they run on
This is why banks today still rely on COBOL bank-end systems:
They *rip*
2/9
A RayCast FPS in COBOL
A RayCast FPS in COBOL
Hackaday Article
hackaday.com
June 7, 2026 at 5:00 AM
A RayCast FPS in COBOL
not the first lives to be ruined by COBOL, and not the last
June 22, 2025 at 8:46 PM
not the first lives to be ruined by COBOL, and not the last
<hallucinating from migraine> all programming languages are either c, assembly, or cobol. rust? a c. webasm? clearly assembly. python? believe it or not, cobol.
June 19, 2025 at 12:33 AM
<hallucinating from migraine> all programming languages are either c, assembly, or cobol. rust? a c. webasm? clearly assembly. python? believe it or not, cobol.
A midnight hello from Morton Tankus, retired Vice President of Morgan Stanley in charge of the COBOL system which determined Financial Advisor compensation, and Nathan Tankus newsletter writer, payments & money expert, and sudden investigative COBOL journalist.
April 10, 2025 at 4:20 AM
A midnight hello from Morton Tankus, retired Vice President of Morgan Stanley in charge of the COBOL system which determined Financial Advisor compensation, and Nathan Tankus newsletter writer, payments & money expert, and sudden investigative COBOL journalist.