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secretary, who announced this little gem with the straight face of someone who’s never had to balance a checkbook or survive a recession. Decades of precedent? Gone. The White House Correspondents’ Association? Blindsided. No warning, no discussion—just a good old-fashioned power grab wrapped in the shiny veneer of “modernization.” Because, of course, the real problem with the press is that it’s *too independent*. What we need, apparently, is a carefully curated echo chamber, handpicked by the very people the press is supposed to hold accountable. Genius, really. “Inclusivity,” Leavitt calls it. “New media,” she says. Oh, please. The Old Gals aren’t buying it. “New media?” Doris scoffs, adjusting her lavender-scented shawl. “That’s code for ‘outlets that won’t ask inconvenient questions.’ Sure, Axios and Semafor might get a nod for their occasional accuracy, but let’s not forget the partisan hacks and sycophantic podcast hosts who’ll gladly parrot the administration’s talking points. Sage Steele, anyone? It’s like assembling a press pool with all the journalistic integrity of a late-night infomercial.” And let’s not kid ourselves—this isn’t about “restoring power back to the American people,” as Leavitt so grandly declared. No, this is about controlling the narrative, about ensuring that the only questions asked are the ones the administration wants to answer. The pool reporters, who’ve long been the eyes and ears of the public, will now be handpicked by the very people they’re supposed to scrutinize. What could possibly go wrong? It’s not like a free press is the cornerstone of democracy or anything. Oh, wait. The White House Correspondents’ Association, to its credit, isn’t having it. Eugene Daniels, the association’s president, fired back with a blistering statement, calling the move a direct attack on the independence of the press. “In a free country, leaders must not be able to choose their own press corps,” he wrote. But let’s be real—since when has this ad…
February 26, 2025 at 1:52 AM