Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
April 1, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Attorney General Seeks Death Penalty For All UnitedHealthcare Customers
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
theonion.com/egg-companie...
theonion.com/egg-companie...
March 13, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9
theonion.com/egg-companie...
theonion.com/egg-companie...
No customers… Still waiting…
June 6, 2026 at 1:53 PM
No customers… Still waiting…
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 https://theonion.com/egg-companies-assure-customers-dozen-has-always-meant-9/
March 7, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Egg Companies Assure Customers Dozen Has Always Meant 9 https://theonion.com/egg-companies-assure-customers-dozen-has-always-meant-9/
Bezos is a pussy who sold out his customers for his orange daddy.
April 29, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Bezos is a pussy who sold out his customers for his orange daddy.
Look at this absolute queen
January 16, 2026 at 12:22 PM
Look at this absolute queen
Customers always wright!
July 9, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Customers always wright!
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
August 9, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
When businesses talk about ending government “overreach” they’re usually talking about screwing their customers over
Delta’s CEO says Trump has promised to roll back a rule requiring automatic refunds on canceled flights and another requiring airlines to disclose the full cost of a ticket up front
Delta CEO says the Trump administration will reverse government 'overreach' seen under Biden
The chief executive of Delta Air Lines says the incoming Trump administration will be a “breath of fresh air” for airlines after what he called government “overreach” under President Joe Biden.
apnews.com
November 21, 2024 at 11:45 AM
When businesses talk about ending government “overreach” they’re usually talking about screwing their customers over
Health Insurance CEO Reveals Key To Company’s Success Is Not Paying For Customers’ Medical Care
theonion.com/health-insur...
theonion.com/health-insur...
December 18, 2024 at 5:58 PM
Health Insurance CEO Reveals Key To Company’s Success Is Not Paying For Customers’ Medical Care
theonion.com/health-insur...
theonion.com/health-insur...
We must pay billions to farmers
Because we cut off their customers with tariffs
And pay billions to Argentina
Whose farmers are selling to the customers we forfeited
Because that is America First
Because we cut off their customers with tariffs
And pay billions to Argentina
Whose farmers are selling to the customers we forfeited
Because that is America First
October 1, 2025 at 4:17 AM
We must pay billions to farmers
Because we cut off their customers with tariffs
And pay billions to Argentina
Whose farmers are selling to the customers we forfeited
Because that is America First
Because we cut off their customers with tariffs
And pay billions to Argentina
Whose farmers are selling to the customers we forfeited
Because that is America First
Netflix Now Requiring All Subscribers To Recruit 5 New Customers https://theonion.com/netflix-now-requiring-all-subscribers-to-recruit-5-new-customers/
October 6, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Netflix Now Requiring All Subscribers To Recruit 5 New Customers https://theonion.com/netflix-now-requiring-all-subscribers-to-recruit-5-new-customers/
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
August 28, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Denny’s Announces Free Pancakes For Customers Who Take Fight Outside https://theonion.com/dennys-announces-free-pancakes-for-customers-who-take-fight-outside/
2010: we’ll start a business that makes money by selling a product or service to customers
2026: fuck customers, our product or service makes money by being terrible but having leftover customers from when it was good
2026: fuck customers, our product or service makes money by being terrible but having leftover customers from when it was good
May 29, 2026 at 3:15 PM
2010: we’ll start a business that makes money by selling a product or service to customers
2026: fuck customers, our product or service makes money by being terrible but having leftover customers from when it was good
2026: fuck customers, our product or service makes money by being terrible but having leftover customers from when it was good
Glad we aren’t @tmobilesupport.bsky.social customers!
February 10, 2025 at 12:04 AM
Glad we aren’t @tmobilesupport.bsky.social customers!
“business could falter without customers”
AI boom could falter without wider adoption, Microsoft chief Satya Nadella warns
AI boom could falter without wider adoption, Microsoft chief Satya Nadella warns
Big tech boss tells delegates at Davos that broader global use is essential if technology is to deliver lasting growth
www.irishtimes.com
January 20, 2026 at 2:18 PM
“business could falter without customers”
Some businesses now showing the “Trump Tariff Fee” on their bills to customers.
April 11, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Some businesses now showing the “Trump Tariff Fee” on their bills to customers.
New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote
theonion.com/new-squ...
theonion.com/new-squ...
January 26, 2025 at 7:00 PM
New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote
theonion.com/new-squ...
theonion.com/new-squ...
ah yes, all workers should have the right to hurl racial slurs at black customers
“Those of us on the left should be fighting to improve protections for workers of all races, and thereby for the betterment of people’s material conditions regardless of their views,” Arash Azizi argues:
Why the Cinnabon Story Doesn’t Make Me Happy
The left should be promoting working-class solidarity, not delighting in seeing workers summarily dismissed.
bit.ly
December 12, 2025 at 3:35 PM
ah yes, all workers should have the right to hurl racial slurs at black customers
Replacing humans with AI.
Who are your customers?
Who are your customers?
April 29, 2026 at 3:37 PM
Replacing humans with AI.
Who are your customers?
Who are your customers?
members of Congress/Trump's paying customers
January 27, 2025 at 2:30 PM
members of Congress/Trump's paying customers
They gave into the customers who entered the stores actively looking to be aggrieved, turning away customers who merely wanted to exist and shop.
May 21, 2025 at 11:36 AM
They gave into the customers who entered the stores actively looking to be aggrieved, turning away customers who merely wanted to exist and shop.
Loyal customers at Burger Blitz eat free.
May 24, 2026 at 2:52 AM
Loyal customers at Burger Blitz eat free.
August 6, 2026 at 11:45 PM
Wow, that was fast.
Irving Energy, company that provides propane/fuel oil customers in New England, says it will pass on the full 10% tariff cost to all their customers immediately
(reposting with fixed figure - meant to say 10%, not 30%)
Irving Energy, company that provides propane/fuel oil customers in New England, says it will pass on the full 10% tariff cost to all their customers immediately
(reposting with fixed figure - meant to say 10%, not 30%)
February 3, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Wow, that was fast.
Irving Energy, company that provides propane/fuel oil customers in New England, says it will pass on the full 10% tariff cost to all their customers immediately
(reposting with fixed figure - meant to say 10%, not 30%)
Irving Energy, company that provides propane/fuel oil customers in New England, says it will pass on the full 10% tariff cost to all their customers immediately
(reposting with fixed figure - meant to say 10%, not 30%)