Record Exec: this demo reminds me of garbage
Me: :(
Record Exec: the band
Me: :)
Record Exec: if they were terrible
Me: :(
Record Exec: ly catchy
Me: :)
Me: :(
Record Exec: the band
Me: :)
Record Exec: if they were terrible
Me: :(
Record Exec: ly catchy
Me: :)
December 6, 2024 at 12:37 AM
Record Exec: this demo reminds me of garbage
Me: :(
Record Exec: the band
Me: :)
Record Exec: if they were terrible
Me: :(
Record Exec: ly catchy
Me: :)
Me: :(
Record Exec: the band
Me: :)
Record Exec: if they were terrible
Me: :(
Record Exec: ly catchy
Me: :)
Gaming Exec Makes First Positive Impact to Company by Passing Away hard-drive.net/gaming-exec-...
January 17, 2026 at 3:30 PM
Gaming Exec Makes First Positive Impact to Company by Passing Away hard-drive.net/gaming-exec-...
exec after years of bad decisions: the industry has shifted,
October 2, 2024 at 1:26 PM
exec after years of bad decisions: the industry has shifted,
Exec: so what are the names of the gross pasty nerd billionaire and his weird girlfriend?
Writer: Musk and Grime
Exec: and the embezzler?
Writer: Sam Bankman-Fraud
Exec: and the politician and his son who do organized crime?
Writer: Don and Don Junior
Exec: get the fuck out of my office
Writer: Musk and Grime
Exec: and the embezzler?
Writer: Sam Bankman-Fraud
Exec: and the politician and his son who do organized crime?
Writer: Don and Don Junior
Exec: get the fuck out of my office
November 3, 2023 at 1:16 AM
Exec: so what are the names of the gross pasty nerd billionaire and his weird girlfriend?
Writer: Musk and Grime
Exec: and the embezzler?
Writer: Sam Bankman-Fraud
Exec: and the politician and his son who do organized crime?
Writer: Don and Don Junior
Exec: get the fuck out of my office
Writer: Musk and Grime
Exec: and the embezzler?
Writer: Sam Bankman-Fraud
Exec: and the politician and his son who do organized crime?
Writer: Don and Don Junior
Exec: get the fuck out of my office
rt to scare a nintendo exec
September 8, 2026 at 5:11 PM
rt to scare a nintendo exec
Disney Exec Reminds Toddler Only IP Goes On Fridge https://theonion.com/disney-exec-reminds-toddler-only-ip-goes-on-fridge/
January 26, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Disney Exec Reminds Toddler Only IP Goes On Fridge https://theonion.com/disney-exec-reminds-toddler-only-ip-goes-on-fridge/
EXEC 1: what are we calling our new drink?
EXEC 2: may I present “Mountain Dew”
EXEC 1: omg I love it, it it natural and crisp and refreshing like the name?
EXEC 2: it will crash your central nervous system and make you glow in the dark
EXEC 1: okay great
EXEC 2: may I present “Mountain Dew”
EXEC 1: omg I love it, it it natural and crisp and refreshing like the name?
EXEC 2: it will crash your central nervous system and make you glow in the dark
EXEC 1: okay great
August 15, 2025 at 5:10 PM
EXEC 1: what are we calling our new drink?
EXEC 2: may I present “Mountain Dew”
EXEC 1: omg I love it, it it natural and crisp and refreshing like the name?
EXEC 2: it will crash your central nervous system and make you glow in the dark
EXEC 1: okay great
EXEC 2: may I present “Mountain Dew”
EXEC 1: omg I love it, it it natural and crisp and refreshing like the name?
EXEC 2: it will crash your central nervous system and make you glow in the dark
EXEC 1: okay great
DISNEY EXEC 1: We lost so many subscribers this past week, it's horrible. What can we possibly do to win them back?
DISNEY EXEC 2: Make subscription more expensive.
DISNEY EXEC 1: Brilliant.
DISNEY EXEC 2: Make subscription more expensive.
DISNEY EXEC 1: Brilliant.
SCOOP — Part of the reason Disney/ABC may have rushed to sort things out with Kimmel is because tomorrow they have a planned price increase for Disney+ streaming, a Disney source tells me. With subscriptions hemorrhaging since last week, they couldn’t risk losing more users with this announcement.
September 22, 2025 at 10:42 PM
DISNEY EXEC 1: We lost so many subscribers this past week, it's horrible. What can we possibly do to win them back?
DISNEY EXEC 2: Make subscription more expensive.
DISNEY EXEC 1: Brilliant.
DISNEY EXEC 2: Make subscription more expensive.
DISNEY EXEC 1: Brilliant.
Record exec: You finish airbrushing that Kitty Kallen cover yet?
Retoucher: Sure did boss, real fuckin scary just like you asked.
Record exec: what
Retoucher: Sure did boss, real fuckin scary just like you asked.
Record exec: what
October 5, 2023 at 7:32 PM
Record exec: You finish airbrushing that Kitty Kallen cover yet?
Retoucher: Sure did boss, real fuckin scary just like you asked.
Record exec: what
Retoucher: Sure did boss, real fuckin scary just like you asked.
Record exec: what
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: kids love bright colours, so how about a bunch of humanoid puppets in red, green, blue, orange, yellow
SESAME STREET EXEC 2: ooh what if the yellow one had a head like a banana?
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: I love it, yes. banana head
DIVERSITY HIRE GOTH: there should be a vampire
SESAME STREET EXEC 2: ooh what if the yellow one had a head like a banana?
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: I love it, yes. banana head
DIVERSITY HIRE GOTH: there should be a vampire
March 29, 2026 at 3:08 PM
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: kids love bright colours, so how about a bunch of humanoid puppets in red, green, blue, orange, yellow
SESAME STREET EXEC 2: ooh what if the yellow one had a head like a banana?
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: I love it, yes. banana head
DIVERSITY HIRE GOTH: there should be a vampire
SESAME STREET EXEC 2: ooh what if the yellow one had a head like a banana?
SESAME STREET EXEC 1: I love it, yes. banana head
DIVERSITY HIRE GOTH: there should be a vampire
guys we HAVE to get rid of DEI. it’s about FAIRNESS
June 2, 2025 at 10:56 AM
guys we HAVE to get rid of DEI. it’s about FAIRNESS
Out-Of-Work P.R. Exec Has Great Things To Say About Unemployment
theonion.com/out-of-...
theonion.com/out-of-...
April 30, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Out-Of-Work P.R. Exec Has Great Things To Say About Unemployment
theonion.com/out-of-...
theonion.com/out-of-...
The strictly business-brained NFL exec who months ago foresaw the February 2026 vibes and then hired Bad Bunny
January 28, 2026 at 2:28 AM
The strictly business-brained NFL exec who months ago foresaw the February 2026 vibes and then hired Bad Bunny
INVENTOR: ive got a great new toy idea for you, it's called... the Radio Flyer
TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio?
INVENTOR: it's not a plane
TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's
INVENTOR: its a little red wagon
TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it?
INVENTOR: theres no radio
TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio?
INVENTOR: it's not a plane
TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's
INVENTOR: its a little red wagon
TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it?
INVENTOR: theres no radio
November 2, 2025 at 2:52 AM
INVENTOR: ive got a great new toy idea for you, it's called... the Radio Flyer
TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio?
INVENTOR: it's not a plane
TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's
INVENTOR: its a little red wagon
TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it?
INVENTOR: theres no radio
TOY EXEC: oh wow, so it's like a plane that flies via... radio?
INVENTOR: it's not a plane
TOY EXEC: oh...Kay, so it's
INVENTOR: its a little red wagon
TOY EXEC: with ... a radio on it?
INVENTOR: theres no radio
HGTV Exec Moans With Pleasure Upon Receiving Word About Triplets Who Flip, Furnish, And Sell Houseboats In The Carolinas theonion.com/hgtv-ex...
July 29, 2025 at 8:00 PM
HGTV Exec Moans With Pleasure Upon Receiving Word About Triplets Who Flip, Furnish, And Sell Houseboats In The Carolinas theonion.com/hgtv-ex...
Writer: there are also two senators
Exec: we’re done here
Writer: one’s a twee cloying goofball who’s secretly a totally amoral political operator
Exec: ugh just tell me
Writer: Christian Cinema
Exec: [stony silence]
Writer: the other senator is a cruel rich guy named Joe Mansion
Exec: FUCK YOU
Exec: we’re done here
Writer: one’s a twee cloying goofball who’s secretly a totally amoral political operator
Exec: ugh just tell me
Writer: Christian Cinema
Exec: [stony silence]
Writer: the other senator is a cruel rich guy named Joe Mansion
Exec: FUCK YOU
November 3, 2023 at 2:00 AM
Writer: there are also two senators
Exec: we’re done here
Writer: one’s a twee cloying goofball who’s secretly a totally amoral political operator
Exec: ugh just tell me
Writer: Christian Cinema
Exec: [stony silence]
Writer: the other senator is a cruel rich guy named Joe Mansion
Exec: FUCK YOU
Exec: we’re done here
Writer: one’s a twee cloying goofball who’s secretly a totally amoral political operator
Exec: ugh just tell me
Writer: Christian Cinema
Exec: [stony silence]
Writer: the other senator is a cruel rich guy named Joe Mansion
Exec: FUCK YOU
March 27, 2026 at 6:36 PM
TECH EXEC IN 2005: We believe the world is a better place when people are able to communicate online
THAT SAME TECH EXEC IN 2025: The greatest existential threat to humanity is the ability for women to talk back to me
THAT SAME TECH EXEC IN 2025: The greatest existential threat to humanity is the ability for women to talk back to me
March 15, 2025 at 9:42 PM
TECH EXEC IN 2005: We believe the world is a better place when people are able to communicate online
THAT SAME TECH EXEC IN 2025: The greatest existential threat to humanity is the ability for women to talk back to me
THAT SAME TECH EXEC IN 2025: The greatest existential threat to humanity is the ability for women to talk back to me
disney exec: it’s about a guy who thinks he’s a monkey lol. probably don’t need anything too crazy for the soundtrack.
phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no
phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no
November 20, 2024 at 5:10 PM
disney exec: it’s about a guy who thinks he’s a monkey lol. probably don’t need anything too crazy for the soundtrack.
phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no
phil collins: [eyes glowing white, levitating above the ground] no
Game exec walks into a curry house.
“Make me a pizza?”
“Make me a pizza?”
February 19, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Game exec walks into a curry house.
“Make me a pizza?”
“Make me a pizza?”
Did a single ford exec lose their job for costing the company billions?
“We believed the hype about AI and the reality cost us billions.”
Some amazing quotes in this article about how Ford replaced hundreds of engineers with AI, which broke a bunch of shit causing billions in damage and forcing them to rehire those people.
www.the-independent.com/tech/ford-ai...
www.the-independent.com/tech/ford-ai...
July 2, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Did a single ford exec lose their job for costing the company billions?
Thread, from former mentor of Zuckerberg and Sandberg (not former Facebook exec)
We should acknowledge that MAGA and Trump’s victory were enabled by internet platforms whose business models reward fear and outrage. Dems had 8 yrs after FB enabled Trump and never had a floor vote in either chamber on a single bill that could possibly have addressed the harms. 🧵1/x
November 18, 2024 at 6:06 AM
Thread, from former mentor of Zuckerberg and Sandberg (not former Facebook exec)
New CFNB attack by exec order.
February 12, 2025 at 1:10 PM
New CFNB attack by exec order.