I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
Forever shining
Salivating on the queen
An undertaker
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Forever shining
Salivating on the queen
An undertaker
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
October 2, 2026 at 2:37 PM
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
Forever shining
Salivating on the queen
An undertaker
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Forever shining
Salivating on the queen
An undertaker
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
Outside a teacher
Becoming clearly brighter
A film director
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Outside a teacher
Becoming clearly brighter
A film director
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
October 3, 2026 at 7:37 AM
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
Outside a teacher
Becoming clearly brighter
A film director
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Outside a teacher
Becoming clearly brighter
A film director
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Last night I dreamt of an index pointing at the viewer, a smiling face with hearts and a person walking in outer space.
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
October 1, 2026 at 8:37 AM
Last night I dreamt of an index pointing at the viewer, a smiling face with hearts and a person walking in outer space.
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
Last night I dreamt of a speedboat and a flute in outer space.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
October 2, 2026 at 12:37 AM
Last night I dreamt of a speedboat and a flute in outer space.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
The busy hotdog
Getting simply stupider
Outside a bunk bed
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
The busy hotdog
Getting simply stupider
Outside a bunk bed
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
October 3, 2026 at 9:37 AM
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
The busy hotdog
Getting simply stupider
Outside a bunk bed
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
The busy hotdog
Getting simply stupider
Outside a bunk bed
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Germany:
An unhelpful train
Turning slowly happier
Inside a girlfriend
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
An unhelpful train
Turning slowly happier
Inside a girlfriend
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
October 3, 2026 at 3:37 AM
I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Germany:
An unhelpful train
Turning slowly happier
Inside a girlfriend
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
An unhelpful train
Turning slowly happier
Inside a girlfriend
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
Twisting like a man
Stiller than a clean razor
A black stalactite
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Twisting like a man
Stiller than a clean razor
A black stalactite
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
October 3, 2026 at 12:37 AM
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
Twisting like a man
Stiller than a clean razor
A black stalactite
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Twisting like a man
Stiller than a clean razor
A black stalactite
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
The politician
Shouting like a dusty nun
Within a peanut
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
The politician
Shouting like a dusty nun
Within a peanut
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
October 2, 2026 at 6:37 PM
I wrote this haiku in the shower this morning:
The politician
Shouting like a dusty nun
Within a peanut
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
The politician
Shouting like a dusty nun
Within a peanut
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
The ascending priest
Quivering like an arrow
Within the story
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
The ascending priest
Quivering like an arrow
Within the story
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
September 30, 2026 at 8:37 PM
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
The ascending priest
Quivering like an arrow
Within the story
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
The ascending priest
Quivering like an arrow
Within the story
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
Within a gutter
Salivating on a face
An actuary
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Within a gutter
Salivating on a face
An actuary
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
October 2, 2026 at 11:37 PM
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
Within a gutter
Salivating on a face
An actuary
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Within a gutter
Salivating on a face
An actuary
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Last night I dreamt of a mechanical arm, a dotted six-pointed star and a St. Helena in a forest.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
October 3, 2026 at 5:37 AM
Last night I dreamt of a mechanical arm, a dotted six-pointed star and a St. Helena in a forest.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Last night I dreamt of an oncoming fist, a pig and a Sweden in a forest.
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
October 2, 2026 at 1:37 PM
Last night I dreamt of an oncoming fist, a pig and a Sweden in a forest.
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Last night I dreamt of a goose, a name badge and a Japanese congratulations button in the desert.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
October 3, 2026 at 1:37 PM
Last night I dreamt of a goose, a name badge and a Japanese congratulations button in the desert.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
Last night I dreamt of a UP! Button, a nail polish and a brick in the desert.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
September 30, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Last night I dreamt of a UP! Button, a nail polish and a brick in the desert.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Last night I dreamt of a Tuvalu, a martial arts uniform and a thong sandal in the desert.
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
October 3, 2026 at 5:37 PM
Last night I dreamt of a Tuvalu, a martial arts uniform and a thong sandal in the desert.
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
I wrote this haiku just a moment ago:
Shouting like a tree
Getting ever noisier
The violet plum
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Shouting like a tree
Getting ever noisier
The violet plum
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
September 30, 2026 at 1:37 AM
I wrote this haiku just a moment ago:
Shouting like a tree
Getting ever noisier
The violet plum
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Shouting like a tree
Getting ever noisier
The violet plum
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support boar:
A curvy promise
Growing slowly friendlier
Inside a podcast
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
A curvy promise
Growing slowly friendlier
Inside a podcast
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
September 28, 2026 at 8:37 PM
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support boar:
A curvy promise
Growing slowly friendlier
Inside a podcast
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
A curvy promise
Growing slowly friendlier
Inside a podcast
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Study these words carefully:
The Ayatollah Khomeini sings every day at 10 o'clock.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
The Ayatollah Khomeini sings every day at 10 o'clock.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
October 3, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Study these words carefully:
The Ayatollah Khomeini sings every day at 10 o'clock.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
The Ayatollah Khomeini sings every day at 10 o'clock.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Study these words carefully:
The Ayatollah Khomeini took off his watch.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
The Ayatollah Khomeini took off his watch.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
October 2, 2026 at 10:37 PM
Study these words carefully:
The Ayatollah Khomeini took off his watch.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
The Ayatollah Khomeini took off his watch.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Study these words carefully:
Dame Janet Baker plays the cello.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Dame Janet Baker plays the cello.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
October 2, 2026 at 5:37 PM
Study these words carefully:
Dame Janet Baker plays the cello.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Dame Janet Baker plays the cello.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku:
Next to the wanker
Crying like a universe
A wavy trumpet
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Next to the wanker
Crying like a universe
A wavy trumpet
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
September 29, 2026 at 11:37 AM
This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku:
Next to the wanker
Crying like a universe
A wavy trumpet
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Next to the wanker
Crying like a universe
A wavy trumpet
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Study these words carefully:
The husky policewoman reads The Sun.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
The husky policewoman reads The Sun.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
October 1, 2026 at 5:37 PM
Study these words carefully:
The husky policewoman reads The Sun.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
The husky policewoman reads The Sun.
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Study these words carefully:
Mr. Arthur Scargill had a drink with the halfwitted footballer last week.
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Mr. Arthur Scargill had a drink with the halfwitted footballer last week.
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
October 3, 2026 at 2:37 AM
Study these words carefully:
Mr. Arthur Scargill had a drink with the halfwitted footballer last week.
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Mr. Arthur Scargill had a drink with the halfwitted footballer last week.
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
What if we were to mate a newt with a cat?
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
October 2, 2026 at 7:37 AM
What if we were to mate a newt with a cat?
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Why do we not just use a pie as a sheep?
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
October 2, 2026 at 5:37 AM
Why do we not just use a pie as a sheep?
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.