Kid Rock: I will no longer sell my music in California.
Scott Baio: I will no longer act in California.
Governor Newsom: My policies are working.
Scott Baio: I will no longer act in California.
Governor Newsom: My policies are working.
August 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Kid Rock: I will no longer sell my music in California.
Scott Baio: I will no longer act in California.
Governor Newsom: My policies are working.
Scott Baio: I will no longer act in California.
Governor Newsom: My policies are working.
How much longer til America is great?
March 11, 2025 at 11:44 PM
How much longer til America is great?
Sadly, we no longer live in a functioning democracy.
October 25, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Sadly, we no longer live in a functioning democracy.
Thou shalt focus on the current president's throbbing insanity and dementia. The previous president is no longer president and so it no longer matters.
May 20, 2025 at 5:20 AM
Thou shalt focus on the current president's throbbing insanity and dementia. The previous president is no longer president and so it no longer matters.
more users are joining
and the hog grows longer
and the hog grows longer
November 21, 2024 at 12:51 PM
more users are joining
and the hog grows longer
and the hog grows longer
If this became a weekly series, it would run longer than The Simpsons.
September 16, 2025 at 7:03 PM
If this became a weekly series, it would run longer than The Simpsons.
It's really too bad the United States Congress no longer exists.
January 24, 2026 at 9:41 PM
It's really too bad the United States Congress no longer exists.
Scientists Announce Earth’s Sewage No Longer Drinkable
theonion.com/scientists-a...
theonion.com/scientists-a...
November 19, 2024 at 4:14 PM
Scientists Announce Earth’s Sewage No Longer Drinkable
theonion.com/scientists-a...
theonion.com/scientists-a...
They are suddenly no longer interested.
December 20, 2025 at 6:18 PM
They are suddenly no longer interested.
February 23, 2025 at 1:33 AM
I no longer want to know anything about anybody.
September 20, 2024 at 3:24 AM
I no longer want to know anything about anybody.
Reading makes you live longer.
January 6, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Reading makes you live longer.
A Waltz is a little longer than a Scaramucci
May 1, 2025 at 4:19 PM
A Waltz is a little longer than a Scaramucci
We need longer tabards.
May 26, 2026 at 2:23 AM
We need longer tabards.
What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy
NEW YORK (AP) — Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs sentenced to 4 years and 2 months in prison in case involving sex workers, violence and ‘freak-offs’.
October 3, 2025 at 9:40 PM
What the fuck do you mean I got a longer prison sentence than Diddy
This might take longer to get resolved than the Iran War.
August 13, 2026 at 3:23 PM
This might take longer to get resolved than the Iran War.
Days are getting longer! Lake Ontario,Toronto.
January 27, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Days are getting longer! Lake Ontario,Toronto.
Serena Williams was on the field longer today than Harrison Butker.
February 10, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Serena Williams was on the field longer today than Harrison Butker.
Almost nothing Trump says any longer is true.
Trump: "Because of tariffs, we are taking in hundreds of billions of dollars of profits. It's one of the reasons I can offer, if Republicans win the House and Senate, $5,000 to every adult. We can do it and the Democrats can't, because the Democrats don't have any income."
September 28, 2026 at 6:51 PM
Almost nothing Trump says any longer is true.
The comic that got us demonetised on Facebook back in August. (We’re no longer on Facebook).
January 8, 2025 at 9:45 AM
The comic that got us demonetised on Facebook back in August. (We’re no longer on Facebook).
I just want to live longer than twitter.
November 15, 2024 at 5:11 PM
I just want to live longer than twitter.
Obama 2028.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
May 20, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Obama 2028.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
Obama 2028.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
May 31, 2025 at 3:58 PM
Obama 2028.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.
Because the Constitution no longer matters.