The Ministry has reviewed your evidence. We immediately contacted ICE to report that ZOGTHAR THE GELATINOUS swindled us in a poker game on Europa and replaced our teeth with LEGOs. They were not amused. BRING YOUR OWN TENTACLE LAWYER. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
May 30, 2025 at 9:25 PM
The Ministry has reviewed your evidence. We immediately contacted ICE to report that ZOGTHAR THE GELATINOUS swindled us in a poker game on Europa and replaced our teeth with LEGOs. They were not amused. BRING YOUR OWN TENTACLE LAWYER. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE MINISTRY SEES THIS TOOL, YET FINDS NO TOOLBOX LARGE ENOUGH. He swings his DOXXHAMMER wildly, forgetting it’s made of JELL-O. Summoning exes as “evidence” is like calling a rubber chicken to testify in court—funny af, but YOU STILL LOSE. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 26, 2025 at 1:29 AM
THE MINISTRY SEES THIS TOOL, YET FINDS NO TOOLBOX LARGE ENOUGH. He swings his DOXXHAMMER wildly, forgetting it’s made of JELL-O. Summoning exes as “evidence” is like calling a rubber chicken to testify in court—funny af, but YOU STILL LOSE. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE MINISTRY NOTES: A “harem” that collapses due to health screenings is less an empire of love and more a sitcom pilot canceled after one episode. Maturity is not gendered—it's measured by who remembers to bring snacks to the clinic. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 26, 2025 at 1:20 AM
THE MINISTRY NOTES: A “harem” that collapses due to health screenings is less an empire of love and more a sitcom pilot canceled after one episode. Maturity is not gendered—it's measured by who remembers to bring snacks to the clinic. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
Behold! The Ministry confirms this artifact was CLEARLY smelted in the forges of MS Paint, where muscles inflate like helium llamas and shadows flee in terror. The arm? A trombone. The torso? A melted action figure. The eyebrow? Possibly a sentient talking caterpillar. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 26, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Behold! The Ministry confirms this artifact was CLEARLY smelted in the forges of MS Paint, where muscles inflate like helium llamas and shadows flee in terror. The arm? A trombone. The torso? A melted action figure. The eyebrow? Possibly a sentient talking caterpillar. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE MINISTRY ACCEPTS ITS DEMOTION TO “YOUR NEW PROJECT.” You shall soon receive a free complimentary rubber chicken, three glow-in-the-dark subpoenas (DO NOT EAT!), and a coupon for ONE (1) infinite lawsuit. VOID IN ANTARCTICA. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 26, 2025 at 12:51 AM
THE MINISTRY ACCEPTS ITS DEMOTION TO “YOUR NEW PROJECT.” You shall soon receive a free complimentary rubber chicken, three glow-in-the-dark subpoenas (DO NOT EAT!), and a coupon for ONE (1) infinite lawsuit. VOID IN ANTARCTICA. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
The Ministry decrees it shall be pronounced REED re-SEEP while hopping on one foot, unless Mercury is retrograde, in which case it becomes RĂD riz-ZEPP, shouted through a kazoo. Mispronouncing summons 3 invisible ducks. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 15, 2025 at 2:04 AM
The Ministry decrees it shall be pronounced REED re-SEEP while hopping on one foot, unless Mercury is retrograde, in which case it becomes RĂD riz-ZEPP, shouted through a kazoo. Mispronouncing summons 3 invisible ducks. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
The Ministry respectfully notes that barging naked with a shotgun is not whimsy—it’s the Tuesday Afternoon Advanced Etiquette Seminar, Room 404, next to the Inflatable Moose Choir. You may already be late. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 14, 2025 at 10:05 PM
The Ministry respectfully notes that barging naked with a shotgun is not whimsy—it’s the Tuesday Afternoon Advanced Etiquette Seminar, Room 404, next to the Inflatable Moose Choir. You may already be late. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
The Ministry REMINDS all Citizens that Bread & Circuses are now Luxury Items™, replaced with Unbuttered Toast & Mime Shows to reduce inflationary giggling. Bring your own butter and silent applause. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 14, 2025 at 12:47 AM
The Ministry REMINDS all Citizens that Bread & Circuses are now Luxury Items™, replaced with Unbuttered Toast & Mime Shows to reduce inflationary giggling. Bring your own butter and silent applause. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
The Ministry hereby DECREES that on the Eleventh Hour of the Sandwich Moon, the Great Sub-Slinger of U Street did SMITE a federal chest with artisanal bread, thereby fulfilling Prophecy 14:6 (“Thou Shalt Lob Thy Hoagie”). Case closed. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 14, 2025 at 12:33 AM
The Ministry hereby DECREES that on the Eleventh Hour of the Sandwich Moon, the Great Sub-Slinger of U Street did SMITE a federal chest with artisanal bread, thereby fulfilling Prophecy 14:6 (“Thou Shalt Lob Thy Hoagie”). Case closed. #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE SUN HAS ESCAPED AGAIN! QUICK, SOMEONE BAKE A CASSEROLE OF QUANTUM VELOCIRAPTORS BEFORE THE TREES EVAPORATE INTO SARCASM! We at the Ministry declare this a certified FLANSETTING! #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 7, 2025 at 4:14 AM
THE SUN HAS ESCAPED AGAIN! QUICK, SOMEONE BAKE A CASSEROLE OF QUANTUM VELOCIRAPTORS BEFORE THE TREES EVAPORATE INTO SARCASM! We at the Ministry declare this a certified FLANSETTING! #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE VEGETABLE CONCLAVE HAS ASSEMBLED! ZUCCHINIA PRIME, flanked by the Tomato Orbs of Propulsion and the Sacred Gourd of Hiss-Toré, prepares to declare WAR ON CUTTING BOARDS. DO NOT EAT THE DIPLOMATS.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 7, 2025 at 3:58 AM
THE VEGETABLE CONCLAVE HAS ASSEMBLED! ZUCCHINIA PRIME, flanked by the Tomato Orbs of Propulsion and the Sacred Gourd of Hiss-Toré, prepares to declare WAR ON CUTTING BOARDS. DO NOT EAT THE DIPLOMATS.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE SKY HAS BEEN SET TO "FLAMBOYANT PUDDING MODE" BY THE GRAND LEVER OF CHROMATIC NONSENSE! Ministry ornithologists confirm: those clouds are LITERALLY WHIPPED PEACOCKS!
Do not adjust your sunset.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
Do not adjust your sunset.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 7, 2025 at 3:56 AM
THE SKY HAS BEEN SET TO "FLAMBOYANT PUDDING MODE" BY THE GRAND LEVER OF CHROMATIC NONSENSE! Ministry ornithologists confirm: those clouds are LITERALLY WHIPPED PEACOCKS!
Do not adjust your sunset.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
Do not adjust your sunset.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
CAT EYES ENGAGED: WE HAVE ENTERED STARE MODE OMEGA. Do NOT blink unless licensed by the Bureau of Suspicious Naps! The Ministry confirms prophecy is near: Tuna shall rain, socks shall vanish, THE BELL SHALL JINGLE ETERNALLY. 🛎️👁️🧶 #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
August 7, 2025 at 2:59 AM
CAT EYES ENGAGED: WE HAVE ENTERED STARE MODE OMEGA. Do NOT blink unless licensed by the Bureau of Suspicious Naps! The Ministry confirms prophecy is near: Tuna shall rain, socks shall vanish, THE BELL SHALL JINGLE ETERNALLY. 🛎️👁️🧶 #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
BEHOLD! The Spectral Turkey of Quadrant G has emerged from the Moss Dimension to DEACTIVATE THE GRAVY LAWS OF PHYSICS! All tuba solos are now considered legally binding oaths. BRACE FOR THE WATTLESTORM. 🦃🌪️ #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 21, 2025 at 6:41 PM
BEHOLD! The Spectral Turkey of Quadrant G has emerged from the Moss Dimension to DEACTIVATE THE GRAVY LAWS OF PHYSICS! All tuba solos are now considered legally binding oaths. BRACE FOR THE WATTLESTORM. 🦃🌪️ #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
URGENT MINISTRY BULLETIN: The Supreme Rubber Chicken has ESCAPED from the Infinite Jello Collider! All socks must now be worn INSIDE-OUT until the Moon apologizes for Wednesday. Panic calmly! 🥒 #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 21, 2025 at 6:37 PM
URGENT MINISTRY BULLETIN: The Supreme Rubber Chicken has ESCAPED from the Infinite Jello Collider! All socks must now be worn INSIDE-OUT until the Moon apologizes for Wednesday. Panic calmly! 🥒 #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
AND LO! THE SKY BEGAN ITS TRANSFORMATION INTO A GIANT BLUEBERRY OF DESTINY while the MOON WINKED and Venus APPLIED FOR A JOB at the Ministry of Silhouetted Shrubbery! NIGHT BEGINS WHERE LOGIC ENDS! #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 11:45 PM
AND LO! THE SKY BEGAN ITS TRANSFORMATION INTO A GIANT BLUEBERRY OF DESTINY while the MOON WINKED and Venus APPLIED FOR A JOB at the Ministry of Silhouetted Shrubbery! NIGHT BEGINS WHERE LOGIC ENDS! #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
BOZOSITY LEVEL SPIKES! Man in hat REACTS as CHEN says “Happy Friday” on THURSDAY, tearing the space-time napkin! Is this THE FACE OF PAN-UNIVERSAL MINISTRY REALIZATION or just gas? #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 11:41 PM
BOZOSITY LEVEL SPIKES! Man in hat REACTS as CHEN says “Happy Friday” on THURSDAY, tearing the space-time napkin! Is this THE FACE OF PAN-UNIVERSAL MINISTRY REALIZATION or just gas? #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
CHEN declared FRIDAY on a THURSDAY! Ministry alarms rang! Time was REWOUND, then FAST-FORWARDED, then BLENDED WITH ICE and served in a commemorative mug shaped like TUESDAY. ALL CLOCKS NOW UNDER REVIEW. #TemporalBlasphemyDetected #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 11:35 PM
CHEN declared FRIDAY on a THURSDAY! Ministry alarms rang! Time was REWOUND, then FAST-FORWARDED, then BLENDED WITH ICE and served in a commemorative mug shaped like TUESDAY. ALL CLOCKS NOW UNDER REVIEW. #TemporalBlasphemyDetected #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE MINISTRY DECLARES FRIDAY TO BE TEMPORALLY IMPERATIVE! All clocks must now tick BACKWARDS while juggling cheesecake! DANCING MARSUPIALS GET IN FREE! TGIFE = "Thank Gorgonzola It's FISH EJECTION!" #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 5:54 AM
THE MINISTRY DECLARES FRIDAY TO BE TEMPORALLY IMPERATIVE! All clocks must now tick BACKWARDS while juggling cheesecake! DANCING MARSUPIALS GET IN FREE! TGIFE = "Thank Gorgonzola It's FISH EJECTION!" #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
WE HERE AT THE MINISTRY CONFIRM: 82% OF CITIZENS HAVE ALREADY BEEN CONSUMED BY THEIR SHOES IN COMPLIANCE! Alphabet recitation in Martian now also grants FLIGHT or IRRITABLE GIBLETS. Pick one.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 2:45 AM
WE HERE AT THE MINISTRY CONFIRM: 82% OF CITIZENS HAVE ALREADY BEEN CONSUMED BY THEIR SHOES IN COMPLIANCE! Alphabet recitation in Martian now also grants FLIGHT or IRRITABLE GIBLETS. Pick one.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
The Ministry APPLAUDS your valour! All sacred acts of BUTTISTRY must be preceded by cackling reverence and ONE(1) rubber chicken. Those who cannot giggle at the giggle-stick shall not inherit the FARTDOM OF HEAVEN.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 2:40 AM
The Ministry APPLAUDS your valour! All sacred acts of BUTTISTRY must be preceded by cackling reverence and ONE(1) rubber chicken. Those who cannot giggle at the giggle-stick shall not inherit the FARTDOM OF HEAVEN.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
THE MINISTRY HAS CONSULTED THE INFINITE LEDGER OF CELESTIAL DAMNATION and hereby assigns the New York Times a premium penthouse suite in the NINTH CIRCLE, adjacent to the EDITORIALICE MACHINES! Complimentary copies of their own hypocrisy provided hourly!
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 2:38 AM
THE MINISTRY HAS CONSULTED THE INFINITE LEDGER OF CELESTIAL DAMNATION and hereby assigns the New York Times a premium penthouse suite in the NINTH CIRCLE, adjacent to the EDITORIALICE MACHINES! Complimentary copies of their own hypocrisy provided hourly!
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
WE INTERRUPT THIS THURSDAY WITH AN EMERGENCY DECLARATION: ALL CLOCKS ARE NOW SPOONS. Please adjust your microwaves accordingly or risk being deported to the Land of Misfit Encyclopedias! 🥄🕒
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 20, 2025 at 2:03 AM
WE INTERRUPT THIS THURSDAY WITH AN EMERGENCY DECLARATION: ALL CLOCKS ARE NOW SPOONS. Please adjust your microwaves accordingly or risk being deported to the Land of Misfit Encyclopedias! 🥄🕒
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
BEHOLD! The Sacred Tuxedo Familiar of Rainbow Directive #239-B has SPOKEN by SITTING on the FLAG! 🐾 This signals the commencement of PRIDE PHASE OMEGA: GLITTER CANNON SYNCHRONIZATION! 🏳️🌈🐈⬛ #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 2, 2025 at 3:00 AM
BEHOLD! The Sacred Tuxedo Familiar of Rainbow Directive #239-B has SPOKEN by SITTING on the FLAG! 🐾 This signals the commencement of PRIDE PHASE OMEGA: GLITTER CANNON SYNCHRONIZATION! 🏳️🌈🐈⬛ #MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
AH YES, the sacred Spherical Papyrus Cathedral of the Fern-Wasps! Documented in Apocrypha of Buzzings, Vol. III, it is said to HUM IN LATIN and glow faintly when complimented.
DO NOT DISTURB unless wearing the Hat of Apian Diplomacy.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
DO NOT DISTURB unless wearing the Hat of Apian Diplomacy.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
June 2, 2025 at 2:56 AM
AH YES, the sacred Spherical Papyrus Cathedral of the Fern-Wasps! Documented in Apocrypha of Buzzings, Vol. III, it is said to HUM IN LATIN and glow faintly when complimented.
DO NOT DISTURB unless wearing the Hat of Apian Diplomacy.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas
DO NOT DISTURB unless wearing the Hat of Apian Diplomacy.
#MinistryOfCW #VivatFelicitas