I like the govt's plan to ban smartphones and social media in schools but nobody's mentioned the glaring hole in it
![Scene is a spoof TV news item. The NEWSREADER is talking to camera from behind the desk.
NEWSREADER:
Now, here to discuss the smartphone ban in schools…
We have with us, YouTube Shorts.
[Pull back to show an anthropomorphised version of the YOUTUBE SHORTS screen, sat in the interviewee's chair across from the newsreader]
NEWSREADER:
Good morning.
YOUTUBE SHORTS:
Hi
NEWSREADER:
You Tube Shorts, you work in education...
YOUTUBE SHORTS:
Yes.
I work in schools across the country teaching Epic Dance
Fail, Try Not To Cringe Challenge and Al Slop.
NEWSREADER:
And will the proposed phone ban limit your ability to do your job?
YOUTUBE SHORTS:
No.
I'll still be on all school laptops because YouTube is vaguely educational and Google have made me impossible to turn off.
NEWSREADER:
So children are being asked to do their homework on...
...the most advanced distraction machine ever created?
YOUTUBE SHORTS:
Well-
I think a more constructive way to frame that question might be:
Can IShowSpeed jump over a moving Lamborghini?
[The newsreader silently looks at the screen on YOUTUBE SHORTS's front, where a YouTuber jumps over a Lamborghini. This continues for an awkward beat]
NEWSREADER:
Woah.
NEWSREADER [returning to awareness]:
What were we talking about?
YOUTUBE SHORTS [pointing at the next Short which has appeared on its own front]:
Look at this fat dog.
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreifhe5mrap6dnhsxjb2j7cabwulco25mq4w5nhjcy7splwiea3qtsu)
February 8, 2026 at 10:17 PM
I like the govt's plan to ban smartphones and social media in schools but nobody's mentioned the glaring hole in it
Room full of satire writers will struggle to find a funnier line that the BBC Newsreader just now saying “The Chinese approached Prince Andrew in the hope of finding intelligence’”
December 16, 2024 at 7:06 PM
Room full of satire writers will struggle to find a funnier line that the BBC Newsreader just now saying “The Chinese approached Prince Andrew in the hope of finding intelligence’”
“We have to do 100% buy in over this bumpy period!”
April 1, 2025 at 5:53 PM
“We have to do 100% buy in over this bumpy period!”
North Korea Newsreader Screencap.png
“The reporter from MyPillow asked the White House press secretary why the president looks so healthy and robust” is a true sentence that exists in our current reality.
April 13, 2025 at 3:04 AM
North Korea Newsreader Screencap.png
'Police gave chase hoping to retrieve the haul, but the thieves just gave them two fingers'
March 28, 2026 at 4:47 PM
'Police gave chase hoping to retrieve the haul, but the thieves just gave them two fingers'
When The Media Sees Fascism
February 24, 2025 at 10:34 AM
When The Media Sees Fascism
Unlike you, I get my news from a reliable source
February 24, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Unlike you, I get my news from a reliable source
Yeah, pretty much where we’re at.
April 12, 2026 at 3:28 AM
Yeah, pretty much where we’re at.
I am going to change the picture though. 1980s East German Newsreader Nova has had her day
March 18, 2025 at 9:01 AM
I am going to change the picture though. 1980s East German Newsreader Nova has had her day
"Reform only has 8 MPs but they're getting a lot of headlines, aren't they?" says the newsreader on the news.
July 7, 2026 at 1:09 PM
"Reform only has 8 MPs but they're getting a lot of headlines, aren't they?" says the newsreader on the news.
If GB News claims he's not a newsreader but just some guy expressing his opinions, bear in mind that they nominated him as Best Newsreader and he won it twice.
September 29, 2026 at 8:32 AM
If GB News claims he's not a newsreader but just some guy expressing his opinions, bear in mind that they nominated him as Best Newsreader and he won it twice.
Unlike you, I get my news from a reliable source.
November 10, 2024 at 7:40 PM
Unlike you, I get my news from a reliable source.
I’m going to tell my students this was Brexit
October 25, 2025 at 5:48 AM
I’m going to tell my students this was Brexit
BBC newsreader said we can't always belive what Trump says or words to that effect
September 28, 2026 at 10:23 AM
BBC newsreader said we can't always belive what Trump says or words to that effect
newsreader really buries the lede on landing one of the most baffling bits of news footage ever recorded
SORRY. Sorry.
Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement
Have we seen this *incredible* news video coming out of Queensland? Wait for the witness/witnesses statement
April 21, 2025 at 4:54 PM
newsreader really buries the lede on landing one of the most baffling bits of news footage ever recorded
#SamReid #Newsreader
The newsreader will soon be available to watch for AMC+!
🔗 www.amcnetworks.com/press-releas...
The newsreader will soon be available to watch for AMC+!
🔗 www.amcnetworks.com/press-releas...
November 19, 2024 at 9:39 PM
#SamReid #Newsreader
The newsreader will soon be available to watch for AMC+!
🔗 www.amcnetworks.com/press-releas...
The newsreader will soon be available to watch for AMC+!
🔗 www.amcnetworks.com/press-releas...
Remember when Obama was President and you were not afraid to open the newsreader
September 21, 2026 at 2:13 AM
Remember when Obama was President and you were not afraid to open the newsreader
the opposition bloc is "the literal military which has been committing war crimes, a settler lunatic broadly to the right of Netanyahu, and a center-wing newsreader."
Blaming all Israelis for the actions of Netanyahu is as senseless as blaming all Americans for the actions of Trump.
May 3, 2026 at 1:04 AM
the opposition bloc is "the literal military which has been committing war crimes, a settler lunatic broadly to the right of Netanyahu, and a center-wing newsreader."
starting the newsreader and i’m obsessed with helen
September 26, 2026 at 4:17 AM
starting the newsreader and i’m obsessed with helen