I have a joke about carbon offsets but it doesn't work.
I have an artificial intelligence joke and whether or not you're interested, I'm gonna tell you it
I have a p-hacking joke but I can't repeat it
March 18, 2026 at 7:36 AM
I have a joke about carbon offsets but it doesn't work.
News that shocks no one: Carbon offsets do nothing for climate.
Carbon offsets fail to cut global heating due to ‘intractable’ systemic problems, study says
Analysis of 25 years of evidence shows most schemes are poor quality and fail to lower emissions
www.theguardian.com
October 7, 2025 at 11:43 AM
News that shocks no one: Carbon offsets do nothing for climate.
The @uniofexeter.bsky.social convened a panel to advise the university on how to use carbon offsets in its ambitious net zero target. Our conclusion is that all offsets should be ditched. We very much hope other universities will do likewise.
theconversation.com/we-have-offi...
theconversation.com/we-have-offi...
We have officially advised our university to ditch carbon offsets – and focus on cutting emissions
Your organisation should probably ditch offsets too.
theconversation.com
November 22, 2024 at 11:45 AM
The @uniofexeter.bsky.social convened a panel to advise the university on how to use carbon offsets in its ambitious net zero target. Our conclusion is that all offsets should be ditched. We very much hope other universities will do likewise.
theconversation.com/we-have-offi...
theconversation.com/we-have-offi...
STOP BUYING CARBON OFFSETS
February 12, 2024 at 3:08 AM
STOP BUYING CARBON OFFSETS
- Chevron justifies its expanding oil and gas extraction by promising to build a CCS facility
- The CCS facility fails to capture anywhere near its (already weak) targets
- Chevron buys offsets as a penalty
- The offsets turn out to be junk offsets
- The CCS facility fails to capture anywhere near its (already weak) targets
- Chevron buys offsets as a penalty
- The offsets turn out to be junk offsets
‘Worthless’: Chevron’s carbon offsets are mostly junk and some may harm, research says
Exclusive: investigation finds energy giant’s efforts to offset its huge emissions rely on schemes with little impact
www.theguardian.com
October 18, 2024 at 12:36 PM
- Chevron justifies its expanding oil and gas extraction by promising to build a CCS facility
- The CCS facility fails to capture anywhere near its (already weak) targets
- Chevron buys offsets as a penalty
- The offsets turn out to be junk offsets
- The CCS facility fails to capture anywhere near its (already weak) targets
- Chevron buys offsets as a penalty
- The offsets turn out to be junk offsets
Thoughts and prayers are probably as effective as carbon offsets.
Science is political. It wouldn't necessarily have to be partisan.
But when one party is opposed to science-based policy, scientists have a choice between saying "you're right, thoughts and prayers are probably as effective as reducing carbon emissions" or saying "fuck that."
But when one party is opposed to science-based policy, scientists have a choice between saying "you're right, thoughts and prayers are probably as effective as reducing carbon emissions" or saying "fuck that."
February 2, 2025 at 8:41 AM
Thoughts and prayers are probably as effective as carbon offsets.
Will I be the first to suggest the carbon offsets worked exactly as planned: they delayed real action for another 25 years
Carbon offsets fail to cut global heating due to ‘intractable’ systemic problems, study says
Carbon offsets fail to cut global heating due to ‘intractable’ systemic problems, study says
Analysis of 25 years of evidence shows most schemes are poor quality and fail to lower emissions
The failure of carbon offsets to cut planet-heating pollution is “not due to a few bad apples”, a review paper has found, but down to deep-seated systemic problems that incremental change will not solve.
Research over two decades has found “intractable” problems that have made carbon credits in most big programmes poor quality, according to the study. While the industry and diplomats have made efforts to improve the system, it found much-awaited rules agreed at a UN climate summit last year “did not substantially address the quality problem”. Continue reading...
www.theguardian.com
October 6, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Will I be the first to suggest the carbon offsets worked exactly as planned: they delayed real action for another 25 years
lmao good luck on reconciliation, mike johnson, trump just vaporized your revenue offsets
there were a bunch of you who told me this absolutely wouldn't happen yesterday and i'm just going to point out that a) i didn't say i was certain of this, and b) you were wrong
i now think he may walk them back tomorrow before they even kick in
February 3, 2025 at 9:58 PM
lmao good luck on reconciliation, mike johnson, trump just vaporized your revenue offsets
"what if there were carbon offsets for evil"
August 7, 2025 at 4:00 PM
"what if there were carbon offsets for evil"
Russia apologists in control of US intelligence agencies more than offsets whatever reverses Putin has suffered in Syria this week
December 1, 2024 at 12:00 AM
Russia apologists in control of US intelligence agencies more than offsets whatever reverses Putin has suffered in Syria this week
One of Australia’s largest energy firms has issued an apology to more than 400,000 customers, acknowledging that carbon offsets “do not prevent or undo harms” caused by burning fossil fuels.
aapnews.aap.com.au/a/AbdJQIBnQ
aapnews.aap.com.au/a/AbdJQIBnQ
Carbon offsets set aside following greenwashing lawsuit
EnergyAustralia has pledged to back away from the use of carbon offsets to deal with emissions, in a statement following a legal settlement.
aapnews.aap.com.au
May 18, 2025 at 11:35 PM
One of Australia’s largest energy firms has issued an apology to more than 400,000 customers, acknowledging that carbon offsets “do not prevent or undo harms” caused by burning fossil fuels.
aapnews.aap.com.au/a/AbdJQIBnQ
aapnews.aap.com.au/a/AbdJQIBnQ
You can't fix offsets, because they're not really broken
They are designed from the ground up as a way for polluters to falsify climate action, and for disgustingly rich bankers to divert funds away from frontline communities
As long as fossil fuels exist, offsets will exist
Good paper! -->>>
They are designed from the ground up as a way for polluters to falsify climate action, and for disgustingly rich bankers to divert funds away from frontline communities
As long as fossil fuels exist, offsets will exist
Good paper! -->>>
Are Carbon Offsets Fixable?
This article provides a systematic review of the literature on carbon offsets. A growing number of studies have found that the most widely used offset programs continue to greatly overestimate their p...
www.annualreviews.org
October 7, 2025 at 11:31 AM
You can't fix offsets, because they're not really broken
They are designed from the ground up as a way for polluters to falsify climate action, and for disgustingly rich bankers to divert funds away from frontline communities
As long as fossil fuels exist, offsets will exist
Good paper! -->>>
They are designed from the ground up as a way for polluters to falsify climate action, and for disgustingly rich bankers to divert funds away from frontline communities
As long as fossil fuels exist, offsets will exist
Good paper! -->>>
Offsets can't cut carbon *even in theory*
The whole point of offsets is to create permission to *not* cut carbon.
So when they don't even live up to their own standard, they are so much worse.
The whole point of offsets is to create permission to *not* cut carbon.
So when they don't even live up to their own standard, they are so much worse.
News that shocks no one: Carbon offsets do nothing for climate.
Carbon offsets fail to cut global heating due to ‘intractable’ systemic problems, study says
Analysis of 25 years of evidence shows most schemes are poor quality and fail to lower emissions
www.theguardian.com
October 7, 2025 at 12:26 PM
Offsets can't cut carbon *even in theory*
The whole point of offsets is to create permission to *not* cut carbon.
So when they don't even live up to their own standard, they are so much worse.
The whole point of offsets is to create permission to *not* cut carbon.
So when they don't even live up to their own standard, they are so much worse.
For those who haven't seen John Oliver's take on carbon offsets, enjoy.
Carbon Offsets: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
YouTube video by LastWeekTonight
www.youtube.com
November 18, 2024 at 2:21 PM
For those who haven't seen John Oliver's take on carbon offsets, enjoy.
"No offsets, no excuses:" The tiny handful of Australian companies aiming for real zero reneweconomy.com.au/no-offsets-n...
“No offsets, no excuses:” The tiny handful of Australian companies aiming for real zero
Five years ago, companies of all shapes and sizes were setting net zero targets. Reality has since caught up with a number of them, with Climate Integrity director Claire Snyder of the view some ha…
reneweconomy.com.au
July 6, 2025 at 9:38 PM
"No offsets, no excuses:" The tiny handful of Australian companies aiming for real zero reneweconomy.com.au/no-offsets-n...
Great Kate Aronoff piece on plastic offsets (!!!)
Capitalism keeps inventing "offsetting" in every area of accelerating harm because it's the only way it can defuse criticism of environmental impacts while maintaining its engine of destruction
Capitalism keeps inventing "offsetting" in every area of accelerating harm because it's the only way it can defuse criticism of environmental impacts while maintaining its engine of destruction
The Plastic Industry’s Latest Delay Tactic: “Plastic Offsets”
It’s modeled on carbon offsets. It has a lot of the same problems.
newrepublic.com
May 4, 2024 at 6:01 PM
Great Kate Aronoff piece on plastic offsets (!!!)
Capitalism keeps inventing "offsetting" in every area of accelerating harm because it's the only way it can defuse criticism of environmental impacts while maintaining its engine of destruction
Capitalism keeps inventing "offsetting" in every area of accelerating harm because it's the only way it can defuse criticism of environmental impacts while maintaining its engine of destruction
Godot 4.7 added visual control offsets which makes animating UI 1000x easier, so I spent the evening sprinkling it in on various screens.
June 20, 2026 at 1:08 AM
Godot 4.7 added visual control offsets which makes animating UI 1000x easier, so I spent the evening sprinkling it in on various screens.
September 4, 2026 at 4:10 AM
The idea of fandom offsets is so funny. If you're gonna complain you also have to be engaging in fandom offsets (art, writing, analysis, cosplay). I'm going to introduce a bill to congress
May 26, 2026 at 9:41 PM
The idea of fandom offsets is so funny. If you're gonna complain you also have to be engaging in fandom offsets (art, writing, analysis, cosplay). I'm going to introduce a bill to congress
You don't have to obey anyone's framing. Calling them British Petroleum. Call it a chatbot instead of "artificial intelligence". Use real emissions, not adjusted for offsets or certificates. It's all allowed!!!
May 20, 2025 at 12:06 PM
You don't have to obey anyone's framing. Calling them British Petroleum. Call it a chatbot instead of "artificial intelligence". Use real emissions, not adjusted for offsets or certificates. It's all allowed!!!
thinking you’re going to get $200B of offsets from medicare, medicaid and the ACA after the OBBBA and in a midterm year is utter delusion
Some House GOP leaders now trying to jump start a second reconciliation bill that would pair spending cuts - like further #Medicaid and ACA Marketplace cuts - with war funding. www.axios.com/2026/03/19/p...
House GOP welcomes $200B Pentagon request to jump-start reconciliation 2.0
Expect to hear lots of talk about "offsets" from fiscal hawks.
www.axios.com
March 20, 2026 at 5:24 PM
thinking you’re going to get $200B of offsets from medicare, medicaid and the ACA after the OBBBA and in a midterm year is utter delusion
Quick!!!! Someone purchase some fire reduction offsets
A fire erupted in a pavilion of the UN’s climate talks in Brazil today, forcing panicked delegates to run for the exits and disrupting tense negotiations among ministers from around the world.
jrnl.ie/6881395
jrnl.ie/6881395
November 20, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Quick!!!! Someone purchase some fire reduction offsets
coffee run - the Stout loves cold weather, it slightly offsets my half assed intake placement
July 4, 2025 at 11:03 PM
coffee run - the Stout loves cold weather, it slightly offsets my half assed intake placement
Energy Australia has been selling coal fired energy as "carbon neutral".
The offsets used have been shown to be ineffective.
"What's really concerning is that it's the Australian Government that's been giving the tick of approval to these offsets," @richarddenniss.bsky.social said on Sky News.
The offsets used have been shown to be ineffective.
"What's really concerning is that it's the Australian Government that's been giving the tick of approval to these offsets," @richarddenniss.bsky.social said on Sky News.
May 15, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Energy Australia has been selling coal fired energy as "carbon neutral".
The offsets used have been shown to be ineffective.
"What's really concerning is that it's the Australian Government that's been giving the tick of approval to these offsets," @richarddenniss.bsky.social said on Sky News.
The offsets used have been shown to be ineffective.
"What's really concerning is that it's the Australian Government that's been giving the tick of approval to these offsets," @richarddenniss.bsky.social said on Sky News.
If an airline claims to hit a climate target using offsets, it didn't achieve that target
Can airlines meet 2030 emissions targets without offsets?
Air New Zealand has dropped its 2030 emissions reductions targets, validated by the Science-Based Targets Initiative
www.climatechangenews.com
August 5, 2024 at 8:07 PM
If an airline claims to hit a climate target using offsets, it didn't achieve that target