Vicks VapoRub seems like something you could get high on.
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September 3, 2026 at 7:53 PM
Vicks VapoRub seems like something you could get high on.
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There is a direct correlation between the introduction of AXE body spray and the number of female teachers who find middle school boys irresistible.
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January 24, 2025 at 5:31 AM
There is a direct correlation between the introduction of AXE body spray and the number of female teachers who find middle school boys irresistible.
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Taco Bell has the most vulval menu.
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February 16, 2026 at 12:40 AM
Taco Bell has the most vulval menu.
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Sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking away from. Sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking up on. And sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking right under the noses of.
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September 22, 2026 at 8:52 PM
Sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking away from. Sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking up on. And sometimes I wear my Vans for sneaking right under the noses of.
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I'm wearing Vans and a windbreaker. It's the snazziest I get.
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January 2, 2026 at 7:22 PM
I'm wearing Vans and a windbreaker. It's the snazziest I get.
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It's about a serial killer who only eats at IHOP.
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August 4, 2025 at 6:52 PM
It's about a serial killer who only eats at IHOP.
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I wonder if you can make money eating Oreos.
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July 12, 2025 at 10:27 PM
I wonder if you can make money eating Oreos.
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July 12, 2025 at 9:09 PM
They roll back that rock, you're going to want some Febreze. #SponsorablePost
October 22, 2025 at 4:30 PM
They roll back that rock, you're going to want some Febreze. #SponsorablePost
I feel like my life has been one big wasted branding opportunity.
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June 29, 2025 at 11:54 PM
I feel like my life has been one big wasted branding opportunity.
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August 19, 2026 at 6:18 PM
Cool Ranch Doritos are too hard-core for me. I'm eating Dude Ranch Doritos.
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June 23, 2026 at 9:36 PM
Cool Ranch Doritos are too hard-core for me. I'm eating Dude Ranch Doritos.
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Milk Duds look like something that might come out of a midsized rodent. #SponsorablePost
September 18, 2025 at 9:18 PM
Milk Duds look like something that might come out of a midsized rodent. #SponsorablePost
Dear, if your father wants to spend his retirement wandering through IKEA dressed up as Batman, that's his business.
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November 21, 2025 at 4:49 AM
Dear, if your father wants to spend his retirement wandering through IKEA dressed up as Batman, that's his business.
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We don't need fat Oreos. We don't need skinny Oreos. We don't need mint Oreos. Like Jesus, the Oreo was born perfect.
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June 24, 2025 at 1:31 AM
We don't need fat Oreos. We don't need skinny Oreos. We don't need mint Oreos. Like Jesus, the Oreo was born perfect.
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Let's see. Where on our man can we hide a medical device so that no one will ever notice it. I've got it! ON HIS BUTT! Oh my God, yes! Nobody will notice a medical device as big as a Tivoli Music System BT All-in-one AM/FM, Bluetooth, CD stereo system STRAPPED TO TRUMP'S BUTT!
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August 19, 2026 at 6:02 PM
Let's see. Where on our man can we hide a medical device so that no one will ever notice it. I've got it! ON HIS BUTT! Oh my God, yes! Nobody will notice a medical device as big as a Tivoli Music System BT All-in-one AM/FM, Bluetooth, CD stereo system STRAPPED TO TRUMP'S BUTT!
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Nobody wants your Toll House cookies, you dirty old witch.
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August 27, 2026 at 6:07 PM
Nobody wants your Toll House cookies, you dirty old witch.
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My words? Incendiary. My diarrhea? Explosive.
- Che Guevara after eating at Taco Bell
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- Che Guevara after eating at Taco Bell
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August 4, 2026 at 5:15 PM
My words? Incendiary. My diarrhea? Explosive.
- Che Guevara after eating at Taco Bell
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- Che Guevara after eating at Taco Bell
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What a tragedy it would be if Mitch McConnell returns from being a corpse, celebrates by going to Taco Bell, and immediately dies of explosive diarrhea.
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July 24, 2026 at 3:29 PM
What a tragedy it would be if Mitch McConnell returns from being a corpse, celebrates by going to Taco Bell, and immediately dies of explosive diarrhea.
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Little Caesars pizza sucks. #SponsorablePost
July 9, 2026 at 5:47 PM
Little Caesars pizza sucks. #SponsorablePost
Fig Newtons are the perfect diet food--edible but not delicious.
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July 9, 2026 at 2:35 AM
Fig Newtons are the perfect diet food--edible but not delicious.
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A stretched-out Slinky can be repurposed as a garrote.
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June 14, 2026 at 3:36 PM
A stretched-out Slinky can be repurposed as a garrote.
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Vans. Sneakers for slackers.
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June 6, 2026 at 7:36 PM
Vans. Sneakers for slackers.
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What's the deal with Jollibee?
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May 29, 2026 at 10:09 PM
What's the deal with Jollibee?
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Do I need a Rolex? Of course not. I don't "need" a Rolex. I need a Breitling.
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May 27, 2026 at 11:41 PM
Do I need a Rolex? Of course not. I don't "need" a Rolex. I need a Breitling.
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