LightNews — News, ranked by scholars

September 17, 2025 at 11:47 AM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Three prime time Falcons games? Has Celebrity Wheel of Fortune run out of clues? Is Tyler Sheridan fresh out of new ripoffs of Dynasty? Can’t someone whip up a few more country music award shows? Where’s Nebraska volleyball when you need it?

TANKWATCH IS BACK

too-deep-zone.ghost.io/tankwatch-at...

Michael Penix is back. Can he save the Falcons? More importantly: SHOULD he save the Falcons?

September 23, 2026 at 11:56 AM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

What Paul DePodesta did to the Browns was like investing money needed for food and roof repairs into cryptocurrency, then telling the family over a crackers-and-ketchup dinner that they were too stupid to understand his daring long-range vision.

TankWatch:

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Ding! Dong! DePodesta's Gone! But is Shedeur Sanders the Scarecrow, Tin Man or Cowardly Lion? Dillon Gabriel definitely represents the Loll-pop Guild.

TankWatch: Dallas Cowboys

November 19, 2025 at 12:21 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

"Jerry has run the team according to his own cantankerous whims for a generation, slowly aging into a doddering parody of the octogenarian billionaire who complains about the price of groceries."

Cowboys TankWatch. Free!

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Jerry Jones ain't going anywhere, folks. So what can the Cowboys do to regain their dignity and return to the playoffs in 2025?

November 27, 2024 at 2:09 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Matt Ryan’s official title is President of Football. It’s the kind of title preteen boys give each other in their treehouse fort: "Booger, you get to be President of Moldy 1980s Playboys."

too-deep-zone.ghost.io/tankwatch-at...

Michael Penix is back. Can he save the Falcons? More importantly: SHOULD he save the Falcons?

TankWatch: Las Vegas Raiders

September 23, 2026 at 5:52 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

"Gardner Minshew plays quarterback the way a soccer mom who just drank her first 20mg cannabis-infused cranberry lime seltzer an hour earlier shops at Costco."

Raiders TankWatch is here!

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Antonio Pierce has failed to fill the franchise's leadership void. Who will be next? Tom Brady? Deion Sanders? Or will Mark Davis finally graduate from Fredo Corleone to Godfather?

November 13, 2024 at 12:11 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

I also reverse-jinxed the Falcons early this week. Does that mean this TankWatch is totally out-of-date? Nope. There's still 2018-through-the-first-quarter-on-Thursday to talk about:

too-deep-zone.ghost.io/tankwatch-at...

Michael Penix is back. Can he save the Falcons? More importantly: SHOULD he save the Falcons?

September 27, 2026 at 12:25 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Here is that Falcons slander from Wednesday. Decide for yourself the degree to which it has been proven wrong!

too-deep-zone.ghost.io/tankwatch-at...

Michael Penix is back. Can he save the Falcons? More importantly: SHOULD he save the Falcons?

The Jets are winless. Yet they should be better. Blaming Aaron Glenn and looking for a QB in the 2026 draft would be very Jets of them.

September 25, 2026 at 1:20 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Free (!!!) at the Too Deep Zone:

"In fairness to Tanner Engstrand, his first-quarter game scripts look clever and Lions-like. Then someone fumbles at the goal line."

Jets TankWatch:

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

TankWatch: New York Jets

TankWatch: Miami Dolphins

October 8, 2025 at 7:06 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Also, ICYMI, I wrote my third "Dear Lord the Dolphins are a hilarious mess" column of the past 2 months.

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Many people want Mike McDaniel to be fired. Mike McDaniel is probably one of them.

The Jets are winless. Yet they should be better. Blaming Aaron Glenn and looking for a QB in the 2026 draft would be very Jets of them.

September 18, 2025 at 6:39 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

"Justin Fields remains breathtakingly talented. He’s a diligent worker and righteous dude. But he still searches for his second read the way my wife searches for her car keys before she’s had her coffee."

New (and FREE) at the Too Deep Zone:

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

TankWatch: New York Jets

October 8, 2025 at 12:01 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Quick note: TankWatch is FREE. No paywall! Come check it out and consider a subscription.

September 23, 2026 at 2:51 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Shedeur Sanders is not a real quarterback. He’s a caricature by an Upright Citizens Brigade improv comic who doesn’t like sports very much, about a quarterback like Shedeur Sanders.

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Ding! Dong! DePodesta's Gone! But is Shedeur Sanders the Scarecrow, Tin Man or Cowardly Lion? Dillon Gabriel definitely represents the Loll-pop Guild.

TankWatch: Miami Dolphins

November 19, 2025 at 6:30 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Chris Grier is one of the most successful executives in the NFL. It’s all a matter of how you define success. He joined the Dolphins organization in 2000. THAT WAS THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION.

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Many people want Mike McDaniel to be fired. Mike McDaniel is probably one of them.

September 17, 2025 at 4:15 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

Paul DePodesta was born too early to be a cryptobro, so he instead fooled early Millennials into thinking he invented sports statistics. DePodesta is the most unrepentant faux-analytical self-promoter this side of Malcolm Gladwell.

#Browns TankWatch!

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

A deep dive into the smoldering Deshaun Watson impact crater.

a man in military uniform is kneeling down and smiling

October 9, 2024 at 12:52 PM

OaklandAboveAll

@oaklandaboveall.bsky.social

First day of #TankWatch on BlueSky for #RaiderNation

ALT: a man in military uniform is kneeling down and smiling

media.tenor.com

November 17, 2024 at 5:07 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

"DePodesta rose to prominence as the wingman for Billy Beane at the vanguard of a cabal of geek-chic Gen X’ers who dared to pose the Forbidden Question to baseball’s tobacco-masticating philosopher-yogis: What if Math Were Real?"

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Ding! Dong! DePodesta's Gone! But is Shedeur Sanders the Scarecrow, Tin Man or Cowardly Lion? Dillon Gabriel definitely represents the Loll-pop Guild.

TankWatch: Dallas Cowboys

November 20, 2025 at 12:17 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

There was also a half-written Titans "TankWatch" that I had to scrap when the stupid Cardinals farted the game away 2 weeks ago. I hope Callahan ends up a tight ends coach in the Sun Belt Conference.

October 13, 2025 at 6:02 PM

Mike Tanier

@miketanier.bsky.social

"AT&T Stadium is Jerry Jones’ pride and joy. It’s his public projection of power, his Versailles, a towering phallic obelisk testifying to his might and virility.

If it's falling into disrepair, what chance do the Cowboys have?"

Free at Too Deep Zone:

miketanier.substack.com/p/tankwatch-...

Jerry Jones ain't going anywhere, folks. So what can the Cowboys do to regain their dignity and return to the playoffs in 2025?