#TotofuMainCourse
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grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking!)

A great celebration has come to Eorzea, and the Culinary Guild has been called to handle the catering! Totofu has survived trials and tribulations in the culinary world, but today she faces her greatest challenge yet...!

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
August 9, 2026 at 5:52 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking!)

Over her time at the Bismarck, Totofu has become quite the seasoned chef! However... there are still some dishes she's yet to cook... 😨

To be continued in #TotofuMainCourse 🍽... Things are heating up! 🔥
1. Totofu looking up at the Culinarian banner outside the Bismarck (Well, I've been at the Bismarck for almost a year now, and I've managed to stay out of the oven!) 2. Totofu walking through the kitchen (Lyngsath told me that he'd rather have me as a top chef than as a menu item. I love working here!) 3. Totofu basting a steak in a pan (He's had me work with plenty of lalafell dishes, though. He says I'm better at cooking them than he is!) 4. Totofu leaving work, pointedly avoiding looking at another lalafell being waved into the back room by Jossy (They've never made me help "restock." Which is fine by me! I don't think I have the stomach for it...) Totofu with an anxious, surprised expression on her face as she looks at a slightly embarrassed, naked Eoie on a plate at her prep station. Totofu: (So it came as quite a surprise when one day, I had to...) Totofu: "ROAST SOMEBODY WHOLE?!"
August 7, 2026 at 10:38 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking!)

The Bismarck underwent a small renovation recently, and Totofu couldn't be more pleased with it!

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Lyngsath: Mornin', Totofu! Oh, ye won't be needin' that stool anymore... Come over here! We got ye yer own cookin' station! Figured we ought to, with a lalafell as qualified as you around! Totofu: Oh my gosh?! it's perfect! It's sized just for me! I can reach everything! It's all right in front of me, oh gosh! Thank you so much!! Jossy: Now, don' you think we should start it off with a nice, juicy lalafell steak? Totofu: T-that would be a waste, right? You just got me this stovetop, after all... Lyngsath: Not made out of ye, she's just messin' with ye. We do need ye to get this one cookin', though.
July 14, 2026 at 2:50 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Implied Cooking!)

Totofu searches for answers, and her head chef Lyngsath offers her a rigorous way to prove exactly how tasty she is!

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Totofu nervously approaches Lyngsath and asks if she's really worth 50 million gil. Lyngsath offers to do a meat grading, and Totofu cautiously accepts... Lyngsath picks Totofu up with one hand, and begins to prod, poke, and grope every inch of her body to assess the quality of her meat! Lyngsath marvels at Totofu's meat quality. He asks her subtly if she's been doing these things to deliberately condition herself for quality, but it turns out her diet and exercise plans are just habits she picked up from her home. Lyngsath is concerned at just how high Totofu has scored, and speculates that even straight A+'s would not be a sufficient grading. Worried about being accused of showing favoritism to his student, he bumps her grade down from A+ to A in two of the categories, and hands Totofu the finished sheet. Totofu asks Lyngsath about how much she's actually worth. Lyngsath tells her not to settle for less than 75 million gil, but also that she's still his employee and so she should not be selling herself off yet. Totofu agrees with him.
June 7, 2026 at 8:12 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Implied Cooking!)

Totofu notices that her coworkers are perfectly capable of normal relationships with other lalafells, and it has her wondering about her own circumstances.

What is it about Totofu that makes her so unique...?

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Totofu noticing Jossy making a deal with a lalafellin merchant, and Charlys training a new lalafellin chef. She raises her hand to ask why Charlys isn't trying to cook her like he did to Totofu on her own first day, but the question dies on her lips. She asks herself, "Is it really only me they want to cook...?"
June 7, 2026 at 6:48 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Implied Cooking!)

With some distance, some intentions made more clear, some apologies levied, and some hugs given, it seems that the Bismarck's kitchen returns to harmony! 😊

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Lyngsath and Jossy chatting in the kitchen. Lyngsath: So... You and Totofu aren't on speakin' terms? Jossy: I did something stupid... I tried to cook her earlier, even though she didn't want it. I thought maybe that she wanted it, and that all she needed was a push... Lyngsath: It's not hard for me to tell yer mixin' up Totofu's desires with yer own. Despite the quality meat on that girl, she's got no plans to cook it yet. Ye gotta be patient! Lyngsath: Keep bein' a friend, and let 'er do 'er own thing! She's a good chef, she'll realize one day. Jossy: Right! And when she does, I'll help her! Jossy staring wistfully out of the kitchen, Totofu pondering to herself as she walks back. The two lock eyes, and Totofu steps back into the orange light... (Sorry the order of dialogue on this one was not telegraphed great! 😅) Totofu and Jossy tearfully hug and reconcile! Jossy: Totofu, I'm so sorry! I was worried you were going to give up cooking forever! Totofu: Jossy, it's okay! Cooking is my passion, and I love the Bismarck. I could never give it up...! Jossy: But still, I never should have tried to cook you like that! You deserve a royal banquet! Only the finest side dishes, each of them prepared with care... Far more than what I tried to give you... Totofu: Thank you! It made me feel better knowing you were just trying to help me, but... For now, I want to focus on being a culinarian, so please stop trying to cook me... Jossy: I will! I won't cook you until you ask me to! Totofu: Until I ask you to, yeah... (Good enough...)
May 21, 2026 at 8:30 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
...Can these two chefs reconcile...?

Find out next time!

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Jossy calling out as Totofu walks out of the Bismarck into the rain...
May 19, 2026 at 4:06 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking, Spitting)

What begins as another one of Jossy and Totofu's food play cooking lessons takes a turn, and leaves neither of them happy...

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Totofu is working with a mortar and pestle early on a rainy morning. Jossy watches, and then proposes a cooking lesson. Jossy: Gods, she would be perfect, but she's still in denial about it... Is she just shy? Maybe she just needs a push! Jossy: Hey, Totofu! How about another lesson before we open up? Totofu: Oh, sure! Jossy reads off the recipe while Totofu fetches ingredients. Jossy: Can you fetch ingredients? First, a bottle of cooking wine! Totofu: I'm on it! Jossy: A jar of herb butter! Totofu: Got that, too! Jossy: One lalafell, whole! Totofu, now naked: Coming right up! Jossy holds up a long metal spit, and tries to coerce Totofu to lie down. Totofu struggles and yells at her to stop. Jossy: Perfect! Now, today's lesson is a spit roast! This is a classic way to cook lalafells. There are lots of different ways to prepare it. We'll be making you a Limsa-style rotisserie! Totofu: Spit-roasting?! This seems more dangerous than our other lessons... Will we be able to stop...? Jossy: Just relax! I'll handle the hard part here. Just hold- Totofu: JOSSY, STOP! Jossy and Totofu argue. Jossy: But you're so close! If you just hold still, I could get you turning in the oven and have you done for lunch! Totofu, you would be absolutely beautiful! What can I do to show you how wonderful you'll taste? Totofu: I don't want to BE cooked, I want to BE A cook! We play around in these lessons, but it's not real! Jossy: I... I'm sorry, I thought... Totofu: I'm sorry too... If I could do both then I would, but I just can't... This is my decision. I need to go wash myself off. I'll see you later, Jossy...
May 19, 2026 at 4:06 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking!)

The First Feast

The legend recounting the origins of one of Eorzea's oldest culinary traditions!

Or so the story is told...

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Long ago, there were two clans. One were tall and strong, and gifted with martial prowess. The other were small, and were preyed upon by all manner of beasts. The princess of the small clan prayed to the Traders, "This world is cruel! monsters eat us in droves, as if we were merely food!" A voice replied, The reason monsters seek you as prey is the key to your salvation. Your kind is blessed with deliciousness, that you might win friends in others, and give them something to aspire to." The princess went to the leader of the tall clan, and offered herself. The leader was confused, but at the princess' instruction, made a stew of her. The moment the princess' meat graced the leader's lips, she knew it was a taste she could no longer do without. The tall clan swore loyalty to the small, vowing to protect them, and the two in tandem raised a great city. The eaten princess became known as the first Sultana of the line of Ul, and the fighter who ate her the first Brass Blade. And from that day forward, the two clans were inseparable, bound in the knowledge that the meat of a lalafell is the greatest gift they may give.
March 8, 2026 at 7:38 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
(CW: Cooking!)

Dodofumi comes to pick up Totofu after work, but Jossy approaches him with a proposal! Will the two of them strike a delicious bargain?

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Jossy waves to Dodofumi, chasing him down outside the Bismarck. Dodofumi cautiously returns the wave. Jossy: Dodofumi, good evening! Gods am I glad to see you! Dodofumi: Ah, Jossy, Totofu's fellow... Chef. I was just coming to meet her after work- Jossy: Totofu's fellow chef! That's me. And she's actually what I wanted to talk to you about... Dodofumi: What about her, specifically? Is she doing okay? Jossy: I was hoping you might come to an agreement with the Bismarck for her! Dodofumi, more cautiously asks what Jossy is talking about. Jossy starts waxing poetic about Totofu, before kneeling down to propose a deal to Dodofumi. Dodofumi: What kind of agreement? She already works there, so— Jossy: An agreement for her meat, of course! Jossy, cont'd: Totofu is a culinary masterpiece waiting to happen! We can't let this chance pass us by! For the past couple moons, she's been in Limsa on her own. I've wanted to cook her so badly, but it's hard to buy someone's meat when there's no one to buy her from... Jossy, cont'd: But now you're here! What do you think? Dodofumi yells in protest. Jossy explains her fascination with his sister, as Totofu dashes in to stop her. Dodofumi: Why are you so fixated on eating my sister?! Jossy: I'm not fixated on eating her personally—It's her potential as a fine dish that I just can't let go! Firstly! She's the ideal weight for her height! She's a bit small, but with lalafells we always take quality over quantity, and she has the former in spades! Next, she's just the right shape! Her thighs are plump, her biceps are exquisite, and her breasts are the perfect size for enjoyment of both eyes and palette! And her muscle tone is fine-tuned! I have no other explanation for it; she exercises just the right amount for the oven! Totofu takes better care of her meat than some lalafells I've seen that have been preparing for a year— Totofu: JOSSY! Totofu and Dodofumi reprimand Jossy. Totofu says something odd though, Dodofumi questions her, and she awkwardly makes her escape while blushing profusely. Dodofumi: Totofu isn't mine to sell! And I'd never sell her to a restaurant anyway! Totofu: Stop telling my brother about how good I'll taste! Dodofumi: About how good she *would* taste, since nobody is going to be eating her! Totofu: Yeah! Our cooking lessons where we use me as the meat are just pretend! Dodofumi: ...Your what? Totofu: I actually just remembered I have a whole bunch of dishes to wash... Better get to it! Dodofumi: Totofu wait, what was it you said about cooking lessons?!
March 3, 2026 at 4:23 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
"I know it's a bit scary, but I've finally found something I'm good at! I love cooking, and working as a chef is so much fun!"
"Okay, Totofu, just... Please be careful! Don't end up on a plate!"
"I won't! And everyone tells me that if I did, I'd be the best-"
"PLEASE, Totofu!"
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Dodofumi and Totofu sitting on a rock wall in Limsa, having a heart-to-heart.
February 15, 2026 at 1:56 AM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
It seems like everybody wants Totofu on a plate... Except her dear older brother, who has some pointed concerns about her choice of career!

#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
Jossy walking with Totofu in Hawker's alley. They meet a red-haired lalafell man, who points at her in exclamation. Jossy: Say, Totofu... Do you have any family back home? Anyone who'd appreciate a windfall of gil? It's not fifty million or anything, but... Totofu: I haven't seen him a while, but I have a brother named- Totofu: Dodofumi?! Dodofumi: Totofu?! Dodofumi and Totofu share a hug, before Dodofumi warns Totofu as Jossy lurks menacingly in the background. Dodofumi: Oh gods, I'm so glad you're alright! I looked everywhere for you! When we came to the city and I lost you in that crowd, I... Totofu: I'm happy to see you too! I tried to follow you as well, but I must have gotten lost... Dodofumi: Enough about that though—We have to get out of here! Totofu, people EAT us out here! Dodofumi frets over various totally imaginary scenarios, thankful that none of them have happened to Totofu in real life. Dodofumi: I couldn't stop worrying about you ending up in a stew pot... Dodofumi: Or tied up in an oven- Roasted whole! Dodofumi: Or gods forbid, taken back to the kitchen, and... No, I can't even speak it aloud! Totofu: Hah... That would be awful! Dodofumi initially seems done with his freakout, but once he hears of Totofu's actual workplace, he shouts to the heavens. Dodofumi: But it's okay now! We can get out of here and go somewhere it's illegal to eat us, together! Totofu: Dodofumi... I would, but I do have to get back to my job at the Bismarck... Dodofumi: Did you say "the Bismarck?" Dodofumi: MY SISTER IS WORKING AT A RESTAURANT THAT SERVES LALAFELL?! Totofu: Dodofumi, calm down!
February 14, 2026 at 9:08 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
grade5cookpot.bsky.social 🍽 Seasoned Culinarian Totofu! 🍖 @grade5cookpot.bsky.social · Feb 1
(CW: Cooking!)

Totofu finally musters up the courage to ask Jossy exactly where lalafell meat comes from, and also learns a thing or two about herself!
February 14, 2026 at 9:02 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
grade5cookpot.bsky.social 🍽 Seasoned Culinarian Totofu! 🍖 @grade5cookpot.bsky.social · Nov 9
(CW: Cooking!)

The Bismarck isn't the only restaurant that has an eye for Totofu's gifts! Life isn't easy when you're this tasty...
Charlys and Jossy chatting over dinner at the Drowning Wench. Jossy spies Totofu over at the counter, and the two look on in rapt attention. Charlys: So, what do you think of her? Jossy: Oh, Totofu? Jossy: She's an amazing student, but... I just wish things were different, you know? It's like she can't see what's right in front of her. Charlys: Haha, I get it! it's obvious to anyone with eyes how good she would taste. She's a one-of-a-kind lalafell, but she's making dishes instead of being in one! Jossy: Charlys, look! Charlys: Oh, there she is! Looks like she may be getting dinner herself. Charlys and Jossy look on as Totofu waves to the proprietor, is beckoned by the chef, and then is led towards a back room. Jossy: Gods, she's cute... Charlys: Oh, she's chatting with the chef! Exchanging culinary knowledge, no doubt. She's always so industrious! Jossy: Is she giving Totofu a tour of the kitchen? Gosh, this is too adorable, I can't- Charlys and Jossy realize that the chef's intentions may not be entirely saccharine. Jossy is sprinting away, carrying a lasagna tray with Totofu tied up inside it, while Charlys is whacking the chef upside the head with a frying pan. Charlys: Stay back! Totofu's not getting cooked in YOUR kitchen! Jossy: We'll meet you back at the Bismarck! Totofu: (She just offered to show me a lasagna recipe! Why does this always happen?!) Totofu, Jossy, and Charlys have made it safely back to the Bismarck. Totofu is wrapped up in a blanket. Totofu: Why does everybody want to EAT ME?! Charlys: Totofu... Has anyone ever actually explained to you how delicious you look? You specifically, far more than the average lalafell. Totofu: Well, you and Jossy are always joking about it- Jossy and Charlys: We're not joking. Totofu: Oh! Um. Oh gods.
February 14, 2026 at 9:02 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
grade5cookpot.bsky.social 🍽 Seasoned Culinarian Totofu! 🍖 @grade5cookpot.bsky.social · Oct 24
(CW: Cooking!)

It's not an order she'd tried before, but Totofu is always up to the challenge of learning to cook a new dish!
Totofu is hard at work, Lyngsath walks by and gives her an order. Lyngsath: "Rich bloke outside just ordered a lalafell steak. Totofu, could ye get that cookin' fer us?" Totofu: "LALAFELL STEAK?!" Lyngsath: "Not made out of ye, nitwit! We've got some in the back." Totofu walking through the storeroom, looking at the hanging meat. She fetches a chunk of lalafell meat, and is suddenly transfixed by it. Totofu: (They have lalafell meat in the storeroom, they have LALAFELL MEAT in the storeroom...) Totofu: (I'M lalafell meat! Totofu: (Lyngsath never has to cook roegadyn, Jossy never has to cook hyur, so why do I have to cook lalafell?! What is it about what I'M made of that's so-) Totofu: (-delicious... Gods, this marbling. Hm...) A montage of Totofu cooking a steak. She is very apprehensive at first, but is smiling at the end. Lyngsath chatting with Totofu. At first he is holding her in his arm, but he then pushes her pants down to illustrate the cut of lalafell he's talking about as Totofu struggles and protests. Lyngsath: Ye did a standout job! I knew I was right to trust ye with lalafell meat, considerin' yer made of it! Totofu: Haha, I guess I am... But, um... where did it come from? Lyngsath: Ah! That cut was a bit o' thigh, from right here! There's plenty o' fat, an' pan searin' it renders it and puts it to good use. Totofu: No, I mean like WHO did it come from?! Lyngsath!!
February 14, 2026 at 9:01 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
grade5cookpot.bsky.social 🍽 Seasoned Culinarian Totofu! 🍖 @grade5cookpot.bsky.social · Oct 13
Totofu is fitting right in at the Culinary Guild! Her new friends and fellow chefs have been showing her their favorite recipes and tricks of the trade. Today's lesson was how to prepare a dodo roast, with the guild's supplier Jossy!

#LalafellNSFW
Jossy, a female hyur and the supplier at the Bismarck, is running her hands down Totofu's sides. They're both in chef outfits, and Totofu is sitting on a counter. Jossy: "Gods, you're perfect... I've never seen such an appetizing pear shape. I have half a mind to eat you up right now!" Totofu: "Um, thank you... but aren't you supposed to be teaching me to cook a roast dodo right now?" Jossy: "Right! Oh, I have an idea, if you're game! I've always been a hands-on teacher..." Jossy eases Totofu back into a roasting pan, ties her feet behind her head, produces a jar of spices, and then begins to rub them over Totofu. Totofu is looking increasingly concerned. Jossy: "Now first, we have to tie you up. I like to tie up live lalafells like this. It's important that it's tight!" Totofu: "You tie up live lalafells...?" Jossy: "Not too often. Next is seasoning! For a dodo roast I'd just use salt, pepper and garlic, but for lalafells... Totofu: "You season lalafells?!" Totofu spread out, tied, and seasoned. Cutaway in the corner of her mouth being stuffed with an apple. Jossy: "Then we brush you with a nice slathering of herb butter. You're going to come out so well, I just know it!" Totofu: "Jossy, wait-" Jossy slowly slides Totofu's roasting pan into the oven, but Lyngsath catchs and stops her. Lyngsath whisks her out of the oven, much to Totofu's relief, but then starts describing a far more detailed way he would prepare her, which freaks her out again. Jossy: "There we go! Now we just roast at temperature. A dodo we would cook longer, but for lalafells-" Lyngsath: "JOSSY! What the 'ELLS are you doing, whole-roastin' the new chef?!" Totofu: (Thank the Twelve!!) Lyngsath: "Some of the greatest potential we've ever seen 'ere in all the time I've been a chef, wasted on a bleedin' whole roast... Lyngsath: "Poor thing 'ardly weighs thirty ponze. If you want to make of 'er a meal to remember, you've got to treasure every bit. Lyngsath: "Now, I'd start by-" and the rest of this exceedingly long text box is messily censored.
February 14, 2026 at 9:01 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
#TotofuMainCourse 🍽
grade5cookpot.bsky.social 🍽 Seasoned Culinarian Totofu! 🍖 @grade5cookpot.bsky.social · Oct 12
"I'm Totofu Tofu, and I want to learn to cook!"

A simple choice of words leads to an immediate misunderstanding!

#LalafellNSFW
Charlys, the recruiter for the Culinary Guild, leads Totofu to a kitchen table with a huge stew pot. Charlys: "One may liken our guild to a great pot of stew, and each member to an ingredient imparting a unique flavor." In a small cutaway panel, he is suddenly grasping Totofu and picking her up. Totofu is sitting on the table in the first panel, arms out wide. Charlys whisks her shirt away, leaving her naked in the second panel. Charlys: "As with every dish, however, adding ingredients willy-nilly is certain to spoil the taste. You, however, are probably the most delectable ingredient I have ever laid eyes on!" Totofu: "Is this how they normally initiate people?" Charlys is lowering an apprehensive Totofu into the stew pot. In the second panel, Totofu assures him that she can take it. In the third panel, he gleefully drops her in, causing a splash. Charlys: "Before we start, you would be well-advised to ask yourself: can I stand the heat?" Totofu: "I can stand it!" Charlys: "Wonderful!" Totofu is now settled into the stew pot, but grows apprehensive as Charlys leaves. She stands up from the pot, demanding he come and explain himself, and then in the final panel she has been removed from the pot and given her clothes back. Charlys: "There! Now just relax for a while, and we'll have you ready for the lunch rush." Totofu: "Have me ready for the lunch rush...? What does he mean?" Totofu: "Hey! What does any of this have to do with teaching me to cook?" Totofu: "You were going to COOK ME!? I wanted to learn how to be a culinarian!" Charlys: "It was a simple misunderstanding... A thousand apologies!"
February 14, 2026 at 9:01 PM
grade5cookpot.bsky.social
About to post a new comic, and I'm going to start tagging the "canon" Totofu stuff with #TotofuMainCourse! Apologies for the RP spam!
February 14, 2026 at 9:00 PM