#HouseholdQuotes: Me: "I disenfucked that entire document."
Wife: "Did you spray it with disenfucktant?"
Me: "I soaked it in a BUCKET of disenfucktant! And sprayed a few spots with Fuck Remover."
Housemate: "Sure, because the disenfucktant gets most of it, but if there's a REALLY fucked-up spot..."
Wife: "Did you spray it with disenfucktant?"
Me: "I soaked it in a BUCKET of disenfucktant! And sprayed a few spots with Fuck Remover."
Housemate: "Sure, because the disenfucktant gets most of it, but if there's a REALLY fucked-up spot..."
August 19, 2026 at 6:02 AM
#HouseholdQuotes: Me: "I disenfucked that entire document."
Wife: "Did you spray it with disenfucktant?"
Me: "I soaked it in a BUCKET of disenfucktant! And sprayed a few spots with Fuck Remover."
Housemate: "Sure, because the disenfucktant gets most of it, but if there's a REALLY fucked-up spot..."
Wife: "Did you spray it with disenfucktant?"
Me: "I soaked it in a BUCKET of disenfucktant! And sprayed a few spots with Fuck Remover."
Housemate: "Sure, because the disenfucktant gets most of it, but if there's a REALLY fucked-up spot..."
#householdquotes (As we try a candy recipe for the first time)
"It's... FOAMY..."
"It's... FOAMY..."
June 15, 2026 at 5:07 AM
#householdquotes (As we try a candy recipe for the first time)
"It's... FOAMY..."
"It's... FOAMY..."
#HouseholdQuotes: "Yeah... that's the smell that you heard."
June 11, 2026 at 7:52 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "Yeah... that's the smell that you heard."
#HouseholdQuotes: Wife: "Don't you know a rhetorical question when you hear one?!"
Me: "..."
Wife: "Are you trying to figure out if you should answer that?"
Me: "Honestly, yeah."
Me: "..."
Wife: "Are you trying to figure out if you should answer that?"
Me: "Honestly, yeah."
June 2, 2026 at 1:45 AM
#HouseholdQuotes: Wife: "Don't you know a rhetorical question when you hear one?!"
Me: "..."
Wife: "Are you trying to figure out if you should answer that?"
Me: "Honestly, yeah."
Me: "..."
Wife: "Are you trying to figure out if you should answer that?"
Me: "Honestly, yeah."
#HouseholdQuotes: "If I was offered that opportunity right now, I would decline. I am too tired, AND, I need to pee."
April 14, 2026 at 4:22 AM
#HouseholdQuotes: "If I was offered that opportunity right now, I would decline. I am too tired, AND, I need to pee."
#HouseholdQuotes: "Time for my commute to work!" *Opens door to office. Steps through. Closes door.* "Commute complete!"
March 31, 2026 at 5:49 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "Time for my commute to work!" *Opens door to office. Steps through. Closes door.* "Commute complete!"
#HouseholdQuotes: "Good lord this part of being a genius is tedious."
September 12, 2025 at 6:23 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "Good lord this part of being a genius is tedious."
#HouseholdQuotes: "I want to be in a vampire game! My character will be of the Danny Trejo clan!"
"I'm... you... what?"
"All PCs are of the Trejo clan, live in LA, are Noonwalkers, secretly run the B-movie business, and have machete magic."
"That... is NOT the worst idea ever for a game."
"I'm... you... what?"
"All PCs are of the Trejo clan, live in LA, are Noonwalkers, secretly run the B-movie business, and have machete magic."
"That... is NOT the worst idea ever for a game."
July 18, 2025 at 10:01 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "I want to be in a vampire game! My character will be of the Danny Trejo clan!"
"I'm... you... what?"
"All PCs are of the Trejo clan, live in LA, are Noonwalkers, secretly run the B-movie business, and have machete magic."
"That... is NOT the worst idea ever for a game."
"I'm... you... what?"
"All PCs are of the Trejo clan, live in LA, are Noonwalkers, secretly run the B-movie business, and have machete magic."
"That... is NOT the worst idea ever for a game."
#householdquotes
"WOW you are a gaming slut!"
"Sir! I am a gaming WHORE. People PAY me for game content!"
"WOW you are a gaming slut!"
"Sir! I am a gaming WHORE. People PAY me for game content!"
June 13, 2025 at 12:18 AM
#householdquotes
"WOW you are a gaming slut!"
"Sir! I am a gaming WHORE. People PAY me for game content!"
"WOW you are a gaming slut!"
"Sir! I am a gaming WHORE. People PAY me for game content!"
"I'm feeling sluggish."
"How sluggish?"
"I'm leaving a slime trail everywhere I go. Salt frightens me. Han Solo owes me money."
#HouseholdQuotes #From2018 #AlsoTrueToday
"How sluggish?"
"I'm leaving a slime trail everywhere I go. Salt frightens me. Han Solo owes me money."
#HouseholdQuotes #From2018 #AlsoTrueToday
June 9, 2025 at 2:48 AM
"I'm feeling sluggish."
"How sluggish?"
"I'm leaving a slime trail everywhere I go. Salt frightens me. Han Solo owes me money."
#HouseholdQuotes #From2018 #AlsoTrueToday
"How sluggish?"
"I'm leaving a slime trail everywhere I go. Salt frightens me. Han Solo owes me money."
#HouseholdQuotes #From2018 #AlsoTrueToday
#HouseholdQuotes:
"Wow, that'd be a job. 'Oh, yeah, I stand at the bottom of the stairs and dance with a net so I can catch severed heads in it when they come tumbling down'!"
"So, middle management."
"Yep."
"Wow, that'd be a job. 'Oh, yeah, I stand at the bottom of the stairs and dance with a net so I can catch severed heads in it when they come tumbling down'!"
"So, middle management."
"Yep."
May 20, 2025 at 5:44 AM
#HouseholdQuotes:
"Wow, that'd be a job. 'Oh, yeah, I stand at the bottom of the stairs and dance with a net so I can catch severed heads in it when they come tumbling down'!"
"So, middle management."
"Yep."
"Wow, that'd be a job. 'Oh, yeah, I stand at the bottom of the stairs and dance with a net so I can catch severed heads in it when they come tumbling down'!"
"So, middle management."
"Yep."
"I just realized that if you take a goat and give it a single sharp horn, it becomes a Capricorn."
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
March 14, 2025 at 9:28 PM
"I just realized that if you take a goat and give it a single sharp horn, it becomes a Capricorn."
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
"Whatcha doing?"
"Looking up Diabolo Ninebark."
"A... Chaotic Evil druid?"
"A copyrighted cultivar of ninebark prized for its deep maroon foliage."
"... Huh. Ninebark is a super-cool name, though."
"It REALLY is!"
#HouseholdQuotes
"Looking up Diabolo Ninebark."
"A... Chaotic Evil druid?"
"A copyrighted cultivar of ninebark prized for its deep maroon foliage."
"... Huh. Ninebark is a super-cool name, though."
"It REALLY is!"
#HouseholdQuotes
March 14, 2025 at 8:43 PM
"Whatcha doing?"
"Looking up Diabolo Ninebark."
"A... Chaotic Evil druid?"
"A copyrighted cultivar of ninebark prized for its deep maroon foliage."
"... Huh. Ninebark is a super-cool name, though."
"It REALLY is!"
#HouseholdQuotes
"Looking up Diabolo Ninebark."
"A... Chaotic Evil druid?"
"A copyrighted cultivar of ninebark prized for its deep maroon foliage."
"... Huh. Ninebark is a super-cool name, though."
"It REALLY is!"
#HouseholdQuotes
November 17, 2024 at 11:44 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "I mean, I guess Cthulhu Is a kaiju..."
September 25, 2024 at 10:53 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "I mean, I guess Cthulhu Is a kaiju..."
#HouseholdQuotes: "I just mistook a bantha saddle for a Burger King bag."
"Yeah... sometimes life do be that way."
"Yeah... sometimes life do be that way."
June 6, 2024 at 3:51 AM
#HouseholdQuotes: "I just mistook a bantha saddle for a Burger King bag."
"Yeah... sometimes life do be that way."
"Yeah... sometimes life do be that way."
"What do we have that can get mayonnaise off the celling?"
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
May 29, 2024 at 10:02 AM
"What do we have that can get mayonnaise off the celling?"
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
"Dryer sheets are the tumbleweeds of the laundry room."
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
April 7, 2024 at 10:49 PM
"Dryer sheets are the tumbleweeds of the laundry room."
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes: "Good lord this part of being a genius is tedious."
September 12, 2023 at 5:08 AM
#HouseholdQuotes: "Good lord this part of being a genius is tedious."
"How did it get to be after 3pm?!"
"Well, you see, when an hour hand and a minute hand love each other very much... "
#HouseholdQuotes
"Well, you see, when an hour hand and a minute hand love each other very much... "
#HouseholdQuotes
August 24, 2023 at 8:22 PM
"How did it get to be after 3pm?!"
"Well, you see, when an hour hand and a minute hand love each other very much... "
#HouseholdQuotes
"Well, you see, when an hour hand and a minute hand love each other very much... "
#HouseholdQuotes
#HouseholdQuotes: "How's your juice?"
"I wouldn't call it juice. It's more like someone said 'I like lemonade, but I want it to taste more like you're licking a battery."
"I wouldn't call it juice. It's more like someone said 'I like lemonade, but I want it to taste more like you're licking a battery."
July 10, 2023 at 12:57 PM
#HouseholdQuotes: "How's your juice?"
"I wouldn't call it juice. It's more like someone said 'I like lemonade, but I want it to taste more like you're licking a battery."
"I wouldn't call it juice. It's more like someone said 'I like lemonade, but I want it to taste more like you're licking a battery."