[This being the players handout for an adventure I have been cooking for my weekly Hill Cantons home game.] Oiorpata, Isle of the Western Am...

[This being the players handout for an adventure I have been cooking for my weekly Hill Cantons home game.] Oiorpata, Isle of the Western Amazons Dedicated to Michael Shea “Beyond the steamy wetland glades, where moss-stained helots harvest blood-pearls from the polyps of the Mire-Dells, there rises the amber spire of the Palace of Many Lashes. There reigns Her Supreme Rubenesqueness, Hisfytla, Vy-Queen of the Oiorpatans, whose every morning begins with a piercing contest and ends in song, wine, and selective laceration.” —Drimkin Polvault, Court-Certified Fool of the Overkingdom The Hook Hisfytla the newly-crowned queen of the Amazons (western branch) is holding a lavish contest in which outlanders are invited to captain large combat barges “long-term leased” from the Eld in a battle of wits and valor. Qualified contestants will be supplied with a barge and crew of male-helots. The winners are promised a 2,500 silver “balsaccs” (extremely-large Amazonian coins worth five of your masculine tainted gold pieces ) and magical accouterments worthy of your ranked status. Male-presenting losers will be granted special lifetime entry-level positions in the Regal Torture-Harem. ** **Long live the Vy-Queen! **_ _**On Amazons Zem, the turtle-borne world of the Hill Cantons, bears not one but two great nations of what are ham-fistedly called “Amazons” by the weak of imagination. ** **Both tribes claim a common founding (and likely apocryphal) figure the great Queen Dwar Kin and a similar martial and matriarchal bent to their cultural ethos, and despite their differences in psycho-geography and language, they exhibit a rather remarkably consistent culture.** **Those that concern us,   the Western branch, dwell in Oiorpata, that distant and exotic isle near the resting point of the Sun Lord's daily ride. They are a fine, strong-boned, if verbally assertive race noted for their love of high-crested, baroque helmets, polished armor, and knitting circles. World famous is their biennial Ebon Festival of the Pearls, a soiree that marks both the climax of the black pearl harvest from the swamp-polyps and the victory of that muscle-bounded race of maidens against the invading forces of the Overkingdom in the Twicefold Battle of Vague Suggestiveness, now some 112 years ago. It is said that the high-point of the festivities is the public bathing and drinking by their much-feared, rubenesque queen of the blood of 12 male lovers. ** **Geography Location: Western rim of the World-Turtle Zem, near the Sun Lord’s nightly plunge. Biome: Temperate rainforests, massive fern-glades, sulfurous wetlands, mist-wrapped escarpments. Mainland Access: Rare trade barges and magical leasing contracts with the Eld. Notable Locales** **Population Amazons (Oiorpatan): roughly 4,000 population Strong-boned, loud-voiced, and fond of layered, plumed armor. Matrilineal society with complex caste-rankings based on athletic victories, poetic output, and prisoner-lashing statistics. Helots (Male Slaves): roughly 6,000 population Used for manual and service labor, rowed combat barges, and involuntary participation in interpretive theatre. Culture and Society Martial Customs: All Oiorpatan females are trained from youth in hurled and thrown weapons. The pilum, atlatl, and razor-boomerang are national obsessions. +1 to hit and +30 ft range with hurled weapons. +1 melee damage with spears. Courtship Rituals: Often involve ritualized games of capture-the-helot, followed by hot baths and a recitation of one’s martial pedigree. The Ebon Festival of the Pearls: Held every two years during black pearl harvest season. **Main Locales** Name| Description ---|--- The Sweltering Mire-Dells| Swampy lowlands where muscular, short-lived helots harvest black pearls from semi-sentient polyps. The Spire of Many Lashes| Central palace of Queen Hisfytla. Equal parts throne hall, dueling ground, and musical amphitheater. The Erolus Helm-Spires| Towering basalt cliffs with warrior monasteries carved into their faces. Pilum-throwing is practiced here by launching spears at passing birds. Port Cryzalune| Half-sunken, obsidian-docked port where Eld-crafted barges are docked and loitering mercenaries eye their fate nervously. The Moistwood| Temperate rainforest thick with ghost-ferns, carnivorous orchids, and shrieking fungal motes. Avoid the pink-tongued cypresses. * * Knitting Circles: Despite their aggressive militarism, Amazons are fond of communal knitting. Current Events: The Contest of the Barges Queen Hisfytla, newly-crowned after a 37-hour ritual wrestling match in a mud pit shaped like a unicorn, has declared an open challenge to all outlanders: “Let it be known that the Contest of the Barges shall begin when the Blood-Moon rises above the Braided Swamp! Any brave enough to test their brawn, brains, and helot-management skills may win silver balsaccs and enchanted prizes! Losers will receive consolation accommodations in the Regal Torture-Harem (entry-level tier). Long live the Vy-Queen!” Rules of the Contest All contest entrants are granted: 1. A fully crewed barge, leased from the mysterious Eld Shipwrights (who are oddly hands-off about returns). 2. 60 Helot Crewmen, armed with atlatls, paddles, and deeply demoralized attitudes. 3. Two strange animals of uncertain use (e.g., a gliding spider-lamb, a prophetic frog with a stutter, etc). The contest involves navigating a course through: * The Barbed Canal, full of snapping lilies and spikey traps. * The Fog-Crypts of Tuyzzl, a haunted lagoon where the water whispers back. * The Feathered Arena, an open water coliseum where barge-to-barge combat is performed before a panel of Amazonian judges and sycophantic foreign poets. Fabulous prizes to be awarded to the winners: * 1st Place: 2,500 balsaccs (five times the value of gp, a nominal total of 10,000), enchanted accoutrements, and an honorary sash in the Queen’s own hue (Pantone: Blooded Rose 119). * Other Finishers: Potential for courtship, minor court roles, or rigorous flogging internships.

[This being the players handout for an adventure I have been cooking for my weekly Hill Cantons home game.] Oiorpata, Isle of the Western Amazons Dedicated to Michael Shea “Beyond the steamy wetland glades, where moss-stained helots harvest blood-pearls from the polyps of the Mire-Dells, there rises the amber spire of the Palace of Many Lashes. There reigns Her Supreme Rubenesqueness, Hisfytla, Vy-Queen of the Oiorpatans, whose every morning begins with a piercing contest and ends in song, wine, and selective laceration.” —Drimkin Polvault, Court-Certified Fool of the Overkingdom The Hook Hisfytla the newly-crowned queen of the Amazons (western branch) is holding a lavish contest in which outlanders are invited to captain large combat barges “long-term leased” from the Eld in a battle of wits and valor. Qualified contestants will be supplied with a barge and crew of male-helots. The winners are promised a 2,500 silver “balsaccs” (extremely-large Amazonian coins worth five of your masculine tainted gold pieces ) and magical accouterments worthy of your ranked status. Male-presenting losers will be granted special lifetime entry-level positions in the Regal Torture-Harem. ** **Long live the Vy-Queen! **_ _**On Amazons Zem, the turtle-borne world of the Hill Cantons, bears not one but two great nations of what are ham-fistedly called “Amazons” by the weak of imagination. ** **Both tribes claim a common founding (and likely apocryphal) figure the great Queen Dwar Kin and a similar martial and matriarchal bent to their cultural ethos, and despite their differences in psycho-geography and language, they exhibit a rather remarkably consistent culture.** **Those that concern us,   the Western branch, dwell in Oiorpata, that distant and exotic isle near the resting point of the Sun Lord's daily ride. They are a fine, strong-boned, if verbally assertive race noted for their love of high-crested, baroque helmets, polished armor, and knitting circles. World famous is their biennial Ebon Festival of the Pearls, a soiree that marks both the climax of the black pearl harvest from the swamp-polyps and the victory of that muscle-bounded race of maidens against the invading forces of the Overkingdom in the Twicefold Battle of Vague Suggestiveness, now some 112 years ago. It is said that the high-point of the festivities is the public bathing and drinking by their much-feared, rubenesque queen of the blood of 12 male lovers. ** **Geography Location: Western rim of the World-Turtle Zem, near the Sun Lord’s nightly plunge. Biome: Temperate rainforests, massive fern-glades, sulfurous wetlands, mist-wrapped escarpments. Mainland Access: Rare trade barges and magical leasing contracts with the Eld. Notable Locales** **Population Amazons (Oiorpatan): roughly 4,000 population Strong-boned, loud-voiced, and fond of layered, plumed armor. Matrilineal society with complex caste-rankings based on athletic victories, poetic output, and prisoner-lashing statistics. Helots (Male Slaves): roughly 6,000 population Used for manual and service labor, rowed combat barges, and involuntary participation in interpretive theatre. Culture and Society Martial Customs: All Oiorpatan females are trained from youth in hurled and thrown weapons. The pilum, atlatl, and razor-boomerang are national obsessions. +1 to hit and +30 ft range with hurled weapons. +1 melee damage with spears. Courtship Rituals: Often involve ritualized games of capture-the-helot, followed by hot baths and a recitation of one’s martial pedigree. The Ebon Festival of the Pearls: Held every two years during black pearl harvest season. **Main Locales** Name| Description ---|--- The Sweltering Mire-Dells| Swampy lowlands where muscular, short-lived helots harvest black pearls from semi-sentient polyps. The Spire of Many Lashes| Central palace of Queen Hisfytla. Equal parts throne hall, dueling ground, and musical amphitheater. The Erolus Helm-Spires| Towering basalt cliffs with warrior monasteries carved into their faces. Pilum-throwing is practiced here by launching spears at passing birds. Port Cryzalune| Half-sunken, obsidian-docked port where Eld-crafted barges are docked and loitering mercenaries eye their fate nervously. The Moistwood| Temperate rainforest thick with ghost-ferns, carnivorous orchids, and shrieking fungal motes. Avoid the pink-tongued cypresses. * * Knitting Circles: Despite their aggressive militarism, Amazons are fond of communal knitting. Current Events: The Contest of the Barges Queen Hisfytla, newly-crowned after a 37-hour ritual wrestling match in a mud pit shaped like a unicorn, has declared an open challenge to all outlanders: “Let it be known that the Contest of the Barges shall begin when the Blood-Moon rises above the Braided Swamp! Any brave enough to test their brawn, brains, and helot-management skills may win silver balsaccs and enchanted prizes! Losers will receive consolation accommodations in the Regal Torture-Harem (entry-level tier). Long live the Vy-Queen!” Rules of the Contest All contest entrants are granted: 1. A fully crewed barge, leased from the mysterious Eld Shipwrights (who are oddly hands-off about returns). 2. 60 Helot Crewmen, armed with atlatls, paddles, and deeply demoralized attitudes. 3. Two strange animals of uncertain use (e.g., a gliding spider-lamb, a prophetic frog with a stutter, etc). The contest involves navigating a course through: * The Barbed Canal, full of snapping lilies and spikey traps. * The Fog-Crypts of Tuyzzl, a haunted lagoon where the water whispers back. * The Feathered Arena, an open water coliseum where barge-to-barge combat is performed before a panel of Amazonian judges and sycophantic foreign poets. Fabulous prizes to be awarded to the winners: * 1st Place: 2,500 balsaccs (five times the value of gp, a nominal total of 10,000), enchanted accoutrements, and an honorary sash in the Queen’s own hue (Pantone: Blooded Rose 119). * Other Finishers: Potential for courtship, minor court roles, or rigorous flogging internships.

[This being the players handout for an adventure I have been cooking for my weekly Hill Cantons home game.] Oiorpata, Isle of the Western Amazons Dedicated to Michael Shea “Beyond the steamy wetland glades, where moss-stained helots harvest blood-pearls from the polyps of the Mire-Dells, there rises the amber spire of the Palace of Many Lashes. There reigns Her Supreme Rubenesqueness, Hisfytla, Vy-Queen of the Oiorpatans, whose every morning begins with a piercing contest and ends in song, wine, and selective laceration.” —Drimkin Polvault, Court-Certified Fool of the Overkingdom The Hook Hisfytla the newly-crowned queen of the Amazons (western branch) is holding a lavish contest in which outlanders are invited to captain large combat barges “long-term leased” from the Eld in a battle of wits and valor. Qualified contestants will be supplied with a barge and crew of male-helots. The winners are promised a 2,500 silver “balsaccs” (extremely-large Amazonian coins worth five of your masculine tainted gold pieces ) and magical accouterments worthy of your ranked status. Male-presenting losers will be granted special lifetime entry-level positions in the Regal Torture-Harem. ** **Long live the Vy-Queen! **_ _**On Amazons Zem, the turtle-borne world of the Hill Cantons, bears not one but two great nations of what are ham-fistedly called “Amazons” by the weak of imagination. ** **Both tribes claim a common founding (and likely apocryphal) figure the great Queen Dwar Kin and a similar martial and matriarchal bent to their cultural ethos, and despite their differences in psycho-geography and language, they exhibit a rather remarkably consistent culture.** **Those that concern us,   the Western branch, dwell in Oiorpata, that distant and exotic isle near the resting point of the Sun Lord's daily ride. They are a fine, strong-boned, if verbally assertive race noted for their love of high-crested, baroque helmets, polished armor, and knitting circles. World famous is their biennial Ebon Festival of the Pearls, a soiree that marks both the climax of the black pearl harvest from the swamp-polyps and the victory of that muscle-bounded race of maidens against the invading forces of the Overkingdom in the Twicefold Battle of Vague Suggestiveness, now some 112 years ago. It is said that the high-point of the festivities is the public bathing and drinking by their much-feared, rubenesque queen of the blood of 12 male lovers. ** **Geography Location: Western rim of the World-Turtle Zem, near the Sun Lord’s nightly plunge. Biome: Temperate rainforests, massive fern-glades, sulfurous wetlands, mist-wrapped escarpments. Mainland Access: Rare trade barges and magical leasing contracts with the Eld. Notable Locales** **Population Amazons (Oiorpatan): roughly 4,000 population Strong-boned, loud-voiced, and fond of layered, plumed armor. Matrilineal society with complex caste-rankings based on athletic victories, poetic output, and prisoner-lashing statistics. Helots (Male Slaves): roughly 6,000 population Used for manual and service labor, rowed combat barges, and involuntary participation in interpretive theatre. Culture and Society Martial Customs: All Oiorpatan females are trained from youth in hurled and thrown weapons. The pilum, atlatl, and razor-boomerang are national obsessions. +1 to hit and +30 ft range with hurled weapons. +1 melee damage with spears. Courtship Rituals: Often involve ritualized games of capture-the-helot, followed by hot baths and a recitation of one’s martial pedigree. The Ebon Festival of the Pearls: Held every two years during black pearl harvest season. **Main Locales** Name| Description ---|--- The Sweltering Mire-Dells| Swampy lowlands where muscular, short-lived helots harvest black pearls from semi-sentient polyps. The Spire of Many Lashes| Central palace of Queen Hisfytla. Equal parts throne hall, dueling ground, and musical amphitheater. The Erolus Helm-Spires| Towering basalt cliffs with warrior monasteries carved into their faces. Pilum-throwing is practiced here by launching spears at passing birds. Port Cryzalune| Half-sunken, obsidian-docked port where Eld-crafted barges are docked and loitering mercenaries eye their fate nervously. The Moistwood| Temperate rainforest thick with ghost-ferns, carnivorous orchids, and shrieking fungal motes. Avoid the pink-tongued cypresses. * * Knitting Circles: Despite their aggressive militarism, Amazons are fond of communal knitting. Current Events: The Contest of the Barges Queen Hisfytla, newly-crowned after a 37-hour ritual wrestling match in a mud pit shaped like a unicorn, has declared an open challenge to all outlanders: “Let it be known that the Contest of the Barges shall begin when the Blood-Moon rises above the Braided Swamp! Any brave enough to test their brawn, brains, and helot-management skills may win silver balsaccs and enchanted prizes! Losers will receive consolation accommodations in the Regal Torture-Harem (entry-level tier). Long live the Vy-Queen!” Rules of the Contest All contest entrants are granted: 1. A fully crewed barge, leased from the mysterious Eld Shipwrights (who are oddly hands-off about returns). 2. 60 Helot Crewmen, armed with atlatls, paddles, and deeply demoralized attitudes. 3. Two strange animals of uncertain use (e.g., a gliding spider-lamb, a prophetic frog with a stutter, etc). The contest involves navigating a course through: * The Barbed Canal, full of snapping lilies and spikey traps. * The Fog-Crypts of Tuyzzl, a haunted lagoon where the water whispers back. * The Feathered Arena, an open water coliseum where barge-to-barge combat is performed before a panel of Amazonian judges and sycophantic foreign poets. Fabulous prizes to be awarded to the winners: * 1st Place: 2,500 balsaccs (five times the value of gp, a nominal total of 10,000), enchanted accoutrements, and an honorary sash in the Queen’s own hue (Pantone: Blooded Rose 119). * Other Finishers: Potential for courtship, minor court roles, or rigorous flogging internships.