Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry https://theonion.com/grown-man-licking-ice-cream-cone-placed-on-sex-offender-registry/
September 21, 2026 at 2:00 PM
Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry https://theonion.com/grown-man-licking-ice-cream-cone-placed-on-sex-offender-registry/
The sex offender registry for ice guys already exists, it's called the sex offender registry
there needs to be a sex offender registry but for ice guys. you should have to go door to door when you move to a new area and inform your neighbors that you used to be an ice guy. they shouldn't be allowed with 500 feet of a school
January 9, 2026 at 5:10 AM
The sex offender registry for ice guys already exists, it's called the sex offender registry
Registries for pregnant women and children with autism, but no registry for guns?
April 23, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Registries for pregnant women and children with autism, but no registry for guns?
“Gun registry?
No. Can't do it.
Impossible.
Autism registry?
Yes, we need to know where you are...”
“Fuck all the way off, sir.”
Seriously! 😎✨
No. Can't do it.
Impossible.
Autism registry?
Yes, we need to know where you are...”
“Fuck all the way off, sir.”
Seriously! 😎✨
April 23, 2025 at 10:56 AM
“Gun registry?
No. Can't do it.
Impossible.
Autism registry?
Yes, we need to know where you are...”
“Fuck all the way off, sir.”
Seriously! 😎✨
No. Can't do it.
Impossible.
Autism registry?
Yes, we need to know where you are...”
“Fuck all the way off, sir.”
Seriously! 😎✨
Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry https://theonion.com/grown-man-licking-ice-cream-cone-placed-on-sex-offender-registry/
October 16, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Grown Man Licking Ice Cream Cone Placed On Sex Offender Registry https://theonion.com/grown-man-licking-ice-cream-cone-placed-on-sex-offender-registry/
Welp let’s just get ahead of things and transfer all these names right onto the National Sex Offenders Registry
“Muscular Christianity” means that when when you’re glazing the serial predator president who deports refugee children, executes fishermen, and builds idols to himself, you TYPE REALLY HARD.
September 27, 2026 at 1:16 AM
Welp let’s just get ahead of things and transfer all these names right onto the National Sex Offenders Registry
Man Groans After Only Thing Left On Bezos Wedding Registry New Rocket Booster
theonion.com/man-gro...
theonion.com/man-gro...
January 21, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Man Groans After Only Thing Left On Bezos Wedding Registry New Rocket Booster
theonion.com/man-gro...
theonion.com/man-gro...
DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users
theonion.com/dhs-beg...
theonion.com/dhs-beg...
DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users
WASHINGTON—Warning that the highly suspicious individuals constituted a threat to the country’s safety and cultural unity, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security announced plans Monday to create a national registry of Duolingo users. “For unknown reasons, there are people in this country attempting to learn foreign languages ranging from Italian to Japanese, and we need […]
theonion.com
March 16, 2025 at 4:00 PM
DHS Begins National Registry Of Duolingo Users
theonion.com/dhs-beg...
theonion.com/dhs-beg...
RFK Jr. is launching a government registry to track autistic Americans using private medical records.
RFK Jr. Set to Launch Disease Registry Tracking Autistic People
And he’s using private medical records to make it happen.
newrepublic.com
April 22, 2025 at 5:36 PM
RFK Jr. is launching a government registry to track autistic Americans using private medical records.
"A new disease registry is being launched to track Americans with autism" 😳
April 22, 2025 at 4:08 PM
"A new disease registry is being launched to track Americans with autism" 😳
there already is an ice registry, it's called the sex offender registry
January 9, 2026 at 12:24 AM
there already is an ice registry, it's called the sex offender registry
anyone who finds rfk jr. sexually appealing should be added to a publicly accessible registry
The women drawn to RFK Jr. see an intoxicating cocktail of romance and danger—whether it's getting attacked by a yak or texting about taking metaphorical bullets for each other.
But to most others, Kennedy is a reckless conspiracy theorist whose appetite for danger will result in a sicker America.
But to most others, Kennedy is a reckless conspiracy theorist whose appetite for danger will result in a sicker America.
The inexplicable sex appeal of RFK Jr.
How can such ferocious desire be attached to this man? Two memoirs by the women who love him offer some clues.
www.motherjones.com
November 25, 2025 at 6:59 PM
anyone who finds rfk jr. sexually appealing should be added to a publicly accessible registry
so uhhhh did Elon shut down the National Sex Offender Registry too? www.nsopw.gov
NSOPW Maintenance
www.nsopw.gov
February 23, 2025 at 2:51 AM
so uhhhh did Elon shut down the National Sex Offender Registry too? www.nsopw.gov
This is so alarming.
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage After Announcing 'Disease Registry' To Track Autistic Americans
Incredibly alarming.
www.comicsands.com
April 24, 2025 at 7:23 PM
This is so alarming.
miro didn’t check the sex offender registry :]
October 17, 2024 at 4:03 PM
miro didn’t check the sex offender registry :]
Thanks to everyone who came to our office to donate blood and join the bone marrow registry this Halloween!
We gave away over 100 hot dogs, 15 pounds of candy, signed up 50 people for the bone marrow registry, and collected 28 units of blood —which is more blood than in three people’s bodies!
We gave away over 100 hot dogs, 15 pounds of candy, signed up 50 people for the bone marrow registry, and collected 28 units of blood —which is more blood than in three people’s bodies!
October 31, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Thanks to everyone who came to our office to donate blood and join the bone marrow registry this Halloween!
We gave away over 100 hot dogs, 15 pounds of candy, signed up 50 people for the bone marrow registry, and collected 28 units of blood —which is more blood than in three people’s bodies!
We gave away over 100 hot dogs, 15 pounds of candy, signed up 50 people for the bone marrow registry, and collected 28 units of blood —which is more blood than in three people’s bodies!
Elon Musk belongs on the sex offenders registry.
January 8, 2026 at 7:10 PM
Elon Musk belongs on the sex offenders registry.
Gun registry? No. Autism registry? Yes?
Fuck ALL the way off.
Fuck ALL the way off.
April 21, 2025 at 11:34 PM
Gun registry? No. Autism registry? Yes?
Fuck ALL the way off.
Fuck ALL the way off.
I promised to protect our state’s seniors from fraud, neglect and abuse, and by publishing our Elder Abuse Registry, we are doing exactly that.
www.azfamily.com/2025/06/16/a...
www.azfamily.com/2025/06/16/a...
Arizona AG announces new elder abuse registry
Arizona AG Kris Mayes announced a new elder abuse registry aimed to protect seniors. This list will be updated monthly and contain civil, criminal, and administrative actions.
www.azfamily.com
June 16, 2025 at 10:25 PM
I promised to protect our state’s seniors from fraud, neglect and abuse, and by publishing our Elder Abuse Registry, we are doing exactly that.
www.azfamily.com/2025/06/16/a...
www.azfamily.com/2025/06/16/a...
‘The Incredibles’ has been added to the National Film Registry.
Films added to the registry are noted for their cultural, historic or aesthetic importance.
Films added to the registry are noted for their cultural, historic or aesthetic importance.
January 29, 2026 at 12:10 PM
‘The Incredibles’ has been added to the National Film Registry.
Films added to the registry are noted for their cultural, historic or aesthetic importance.
Films added to the registry are noted for their cultural, historic or aesthetic importance.
Taylor Swift Urges Travis Kelce To Whittle Down Trampolines On Registry To One https://theonion.com/taylor-swift-urges-travis-kelce-to-whittle-down-trampolines-on-registry-to-one/
June 11, 2026 at 4:00 PM
Taylor Swift Urges Travis Kelce To Whittle Down Trampolines On Registry To One https://theonion.com/taylor-swift-urges-travis-kelce-to-whittle-down-trampolines-on-registry-to-one/
