#saffoc:tisander
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#saffoc:tisander
screenshot of twitter post from "emotions scrapbook / @affectingbot" that says: "i get a momentary chance to see the thing i've been trying to beat to death: the soft creature that i used to be. the better animal i used to be." b&w image of a battlefield where there are swords stuck into the ground/into shoulders and on a pike there is a tattered flag waving in the wind.
June 2, 2026 at 2:11 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
#saffoc:tisander
January 2, 2026 at 6:05 PM
saffmods.bsky.social
on a lighter note, also tisander #saffoc:tisander
June 8, 2025 at 12:30 AM
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tisander's journal entry no.1 (cont. 2/2)

#saffoc:tisander
[Written hastily and in a different pen - as if the following passage was included well-after the original entry] Yet the hunger for aether - no, for life, for the very soul itself - has made me doubt once more. Do I deserve a name, a self, when I was made to consume and destroy? Is a slaughterhouse anything but a vessel for death? And do I dare burden Revera with the truth - that no measure of aether she offers will ever suffice? That each time I take from her, I consume a piece of her soul as well? Even the idea of resistance - of riding the cravings and hoping to remain whole - offers no sense of comfort. It is another layer of pain on top of the suffering I endure each time I wake and each time I sleep. My agony needs no further sharpening. This journey has taught me little of who I was. Perhaps, in the end, I truly am nothing more than my hunger.
June 7, 2025 at 6:25 PM
saffmods.bsky.social
tisander's journal entry no.1 (cont. 1/2)

(also has alt text)

#saffoc:tisander
Tisander’s Journal Entry No. 1 (written in ancient Mhachi) Our journey continues to stray from its intended course. I am left to drag Revera off the beaten path time and again. We drift from one Garlean refugee camp to the next, scraping together what ceruleum we can - sometimes trading, more often stealing. We do not travel in a straight line, not as I had planned. I had hoped for a direct passage, something sharp, something that might change the course of my life, or at least open the door to another. One untouched by Medea’s hand. One that did not ache every time I opened my eyes. A path that might teach me life was more than a sacrifice to endure, that it might hold some measure of love. Yet even this journey, meant to cast off Medea’s curse, has not escaped her reach. Each dawn, I awaken to the violent compulsion to consume. Revera offered me her aether, and I have taken it - yet, and I cannot admit this to her, it has never been enough . I watch her as she sleeps, my mouth watering, the hunger pressing at the seams of the teeth Medea grafted into me when she first shaped this body- a patchwork of creatures she found amusing to dismember and reassemble. Now I am left to roam, her leftover beast. I know that it is not her aether I crave in truth - it is her soul. That is the sustenance I seek, the only thing that quiets the clamor of a thousand voices bound within my body and mind. It eases them, somehow, to witness another brought low by the same cruelty they once endured. In the beginning, the ceruleum sufficed to blunt the hunger. In the beginning, the ceruleum sufficed to blunt the hunger. It dulled the voices that drag me back through old memories - memories that scream and tear at my mind. It dulled the blade that I feel at my own throat each time I think too hard. It gave me a reason to keep moving - a small reprieve from the darkness waiting at every turn. The loneliness. The understanding that no matter how many times people show me kindness, I will never belong. I am not only an outsider, but a monster. A warning whispered to children in the dark. Yet the hunger grew, and with it, my tolerance. A half vial became a full one, then two, until I found myself sinking deeper into the addiction, into the numbness that felt more honest than any comfort I’d known. It was no longer just a promise that “this too shall pass.” It was a certainty - a fleeting refuge from the unending pain, the suffering. For a moment, I could pretend I was human. I could pretend I was free. Not a creature crouched in the dark, bristling at every shadow. I see how Revera looks at me, her concern growing like a sickness. Slow at first, but relentless. Every expression she attempts to keep neutral is tinged with disappointment. Perhaps even disgust. She surely finds me - my addiction - abhorrent. She speaks no word of it, but I see it clearly. The voices see it too. And while I fight to hold back the loneliness, the heavy weight of isolation, I wonder if she wouldn’t be better off without me. More stable. But I’m barely a man anymore. I’m a collection of memories and dreams, stitched together by a witch who found it amusing. There is no self beneath the shell, only a gathering of anger and injustice, enough to last a thousand years. I petitioned Banu for aid, but he refused me. He threw my own words back at me, the words I used against him when I set out to destroy Medea’s work. “If they all must die, does that not include you?” It wasn’t hatred, though it might have been. With Banu, it’s always hard to say. More likely he sought to see if I had changed. His mind reflects Medea’s, a mind I came to love and resent in equal measure. Still, I understood his challenge: was I truly more than a beast, a terror given form? Could I be mortal - capable of understanding and compassion? He wanted to hear my admission. He wanted to hear me conclude that I was different, that I deserved to live. I gave him no answer. So he vowed to hold me to the oath I made him long ago: when Medea dies, I would let myself wither. Part of me welcomes that end. In that little village by the sea, I had started to find peace in it. And then - Revera. Stubborn to the point of madness. She won’t leave, though I know she would if I pressed her. After Velvet, after Caesonia, my heart grew cold. I’ve brought nothing but misery to those who tried to love me, to those who stayed. Doesn’t that make me a monster? Or worse, an omen? But then I saw her forgive Banu, despite all his cruelties, his madness laid bare before her like a morbid theatre production. She forgave him. She did not seek revenge or punishment, only understanding. Some small part of me- whatever is left of a heart - ached then. A longing I had thought beyond the reach of a creature like myself. Would she understand me too, then? Would she not see me for the monster I clearly am? It is for her that I began this journey. To search for some remnant of myself- whoever that might be. That perhaps, buried in the depths of my soul, there remains something human. Some true fragment of me that Medea could not steal. I will monitor my hunger and hope that I can ration the ceruleum. I am determined to find a way to tolerate it, to not let it consume me, to dictate my life and make me yet another prisoner. The irony of Medea’s death is that I have escaped her prison, and with my freedom created one of my own. Iron bars built by my own hand. A refusal to leave. But I will fight, I will not let it consume me. And while I am tired, while I am weary and worn down, with not a desire but to rest eternally, Revera has given me a passion that I hadn’t had before. A hope that this journey will not be fruitless.
June 7, 2025 at 6:25 PM
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#saffoc:tisander
April 26, 2025 at 4:58 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
April 19, 2025 at 2:20 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
March 6, 2025 at 3:40 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
March 6, 2025 at 3:40 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
February 21, 2025 at 8:32 PM
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i am both the sacrificial lamb and the executioner.
the scapegoat and the swordslayer.
the one screaming and the angel of death.

#gposers | #gpose | #viera | #saffoc:tisander
edited gpose of a dark knight wearing a chain coif, jagged metal crown and a mask that has several cracks where red light bleeds through. the angle of the camera is crooked, and you can see the man reach for the sword behind him. the colour motif is black and blood red.
January 26, 2025 at 7:01 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
January 25, 2025 at 4:48 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
January 25, 2025 at 4:44 AM
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#saffoc:tisander

Finished this book and it made me so sad :’)
Quote: I was forced to acknowledge too late, much too late, that I too had loved, that I was capable of suffering, and that I was human after all. Jacqueline Harpman, I Who Have Never Known Men
January 24, 2025 at 8:27 PM
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#saffoc:tisander
saffarts.bsky.social Saffron @saffarts.bsky.social · Jan 2
Mood going into 2025
January 2, 2025 at 4:58 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
Recent rp musings #saffoc:tisander

+ silly crackpost
December 29, 2024 at 1:51 AM
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#saffoc:tisander
December 9, 2024 at 10:59 PM
saffmods.bsky.social
#saffoc:tisander
December 8, 2024 at 11:48 PM
saffmods.bsky.social
#saffoc:tisander (misspelled my original tag lmao)

bsky.app/profile/did:...
saffmods.bsky.social saffmods (they/she) @saffmods.bsky.social · Dec 8
not at home with the dead, nor with the living.

#gposers | #gpose | #viera | #saffoc:ttisander
December 8, 2024 at 3:15 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
saffron (she/they). +20. amateur mod maker and gposer 🤪

✨ oc tags: #saffoc:pasiphae ; #saffoc:tisander ; #ifritahcore
✨ mod tags: #saffmods ; #saffronmods
✨ trello: trello.com/b/pyKDByku/s...
December 7, 2024 at 12:26 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
Based on a recent rp/musing #saffoc:tisander
November 29, 2024 at 3:19 AM
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tisander musings #saffoc:tisander
November 27, 2024 at 8:55 PM
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#saffoc:tisander / the dog who bites / bsky.app/profile/saff...
saffarts.bsky.social Saffron @saffarts.bsky.social · Oct 18
the dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't.
my guilt will not purify me

#oc #art
November 26, 2024 at 1:13 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
#saffoc:tisander bsky.app/profile/saff...
saffarts.bsky.social Saffron @saffarts.bsky.social · Nov 13
end product of an art style study [ #fantasy #oc #art ]
A very dark image of a knight holding a greatsword with a orange circle behind him
November 26, 2024 at 1:11 AM
saffmods.bsky.social
the reaper #saffoc:tisander

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saffarts.bsky.social Saffron @saffarts.bsky.social · Oct 29
Does the reaper dream of darkness, darker than black?

#oc #art #originalart
A man reaches out to an orb
November 26, 2024 at 1:10 AM