God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There https://theonion.com/god-could-have-sworn-he-put-more-gorillas-down-there/
September 30, 2026 at 4:15 PM
God Could Have Sworn He Put More Gorillas Down There https://theonion.com/god-could-have-sworn-he-put-more-gorillas-down-there/
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
NEW YORK—Stressing that the memory seemed so fresh and vivid in their minds, the confused nation announced Monday that they could have sworn British entertainer Russell Brand was already a convicted s...
theonion.com
April 4, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
Adelita Grijalva sworn in
November 12, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Adelita Grijalva sworn in
It's official: The House has sworn in Democratic Rep. Analilia Mejia.
April 20, 2026 at 11:41 PM
It's official: The House has sworn in Democratic Rep. Analilia Mejia.
Justice Allison Riggs sworn in following a six month election battle against her GOP opponent
May 13, 2025 at 3:39 PM
Justice Allison Riggs sworn in following a six month election battle against her GOP opponent
A few new Senators being sworn in
December 9, 2024 at 10:23 PM
A few new Senators being sworn in
Serial Killer Could Have Sworn He Killed That Guy Already https://theonion.com/serial-killer-could-have-sworn-he-killed-that-guy-already/
April 5, 2026 at 7:00 PM
Serial Killer Could Have Sworn He Killed That Guy Already https://theonion.com/serial-killer-could-have-sworn-he-killed-that-guy-already/
Yay! Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva to be sworn in tomorrow!
November 12, 2025 at 1:04 AM
Yay! Rep.-elect Adelita Grijalva to be sworn in tomorrow!
NYC Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani sworn into office
January 1, 2026 at 5:41 AM
NYC Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani sworn into office
Vice President Harris has just sworn-in Democratic Sens. Andy Kim and Adam Schiff.
December 9, 2024 at 11:35 PM
Vice President Harris has just sworn-in Democratic Sens. Andy Kim and Adam Schiff.
Serial Killer Could Have Sworn He Killed That Guy Already
theonion.com/serial-...
theonion.com/serial-...
April 22, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Serial Killer Could Have Sworn He Killed That Guy Already
theonion.com/serial-...
theonion.com/serial-...
I beg to differ. We hit the dumbest part when he was sworn in again as president
August 28, 2026 at 12:07 PM
I beg to differ. We hit the dumbest part when he was sworn in again as president
Mary Sheffield was sworn in as Detroit’s 76th mayor, becoming the first woman to hold the office in the city's 324-year history
January 1, 2026 at 5:40 PM
Mary Sheffield was sworn in as Detroit’s 76th mayor, becoming the first woman to hold the office in the city's 324-year history
Adelita Grijalva is FINALLY sworn in and is now officially a member of Congress
November 12, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Adelita Grijalva is FINALLY sworn in and is now officially a member of Congress
One pig, freshly sworn
April 30, 2026 at 1:52 AM
One pig, freshly sworn
JD Vance Sworn In On Stack Of Printed 4chan Greentexts
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
January 20, 2025 at 4:30 PM
JD Vance Sworn In On Stack Of Printed 4chan Greentexts
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
theonion.com/jd-vanc...
Adelita Grijalva to be sworn in tomorrow at 4 p.m.
November 11, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Adelita Grijalva to be sworn in tomorrow at 4 p.m.
I'm sorry that your sworn testimony is causing you reputational damage.
March 14, 2026 at 12:23 AM
I'm sorry that your sworn testimony is causing you reputational damage.
The Florida Bar has filed misconduct charges against Attorney General Pam Bondi.
She has been in violation of multiple ethics rules since being sworn in.
She has been in violation of multiple ethics rules since being sworn in.
June 5, 2025 at 10:55 PM
The Florida Bar has filed misconduct charges against Attorney General Pam Bondi.
She has been in violation of multiple ethics rules since being sworn in.
She has been in violation of multiple ethics rules since being sworn in.
Jack Smith: "History teaches that the rule of law is rarely destroyed all at once. It's often weakened by attacks on the institutions and the public servants sworn to uphold it. Since January 2025, we have witnessed precisely such an effort."
September 29, 2026 at 1:47 PM
Jack Smith: "History teaches that the rule of law is rarely destroyed all at once. It's often weakened by attacks on the institutions and the public servants sworn to uphold it. Since January 2025, we have witnessed precisely such an effort."
Péter Magyar has been sworn in as prime minister of Hungary.
Hungary's Viktor Orbán era is officially over.
Hungary's Viktor Orbán era is officially over.
May 9, 2026 at 12:55 PM
Péter Magyar has been sworn in as prime minister of Hungary.
Hungary's Viktor Orbán era is officially over.
Hungary's Viktor Orbán era is officially over.
NEW: Adelita Grijalva has been sworn in after 7 weeks of delay.
November 12, 2025 at 9:16 PM
NEW: Adelita Grijalva has been sworn in after 7 weeks of delay.
Pam Bondi being sworn in as head of the DOJ by Clarence Thomas is a peak mockery of justice.
February 5, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Pam Bondi being sworn in as head of the DOJ by Clarence Thomas is a peak mockery of justice.