chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs.
she/they
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she/they
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
· May 23
The thrum of anticipation reverberates until I open the barn doors and release the swarm of young Girl Guides, free at last to enact their scourge upon the land.
Reposted by chris.
this is just to say
I have eaten
the paperclips
that were on
your desk
I have eaten
the paperclips
that were on
your desk
October 27, 2026 at 8:28 PM
this is just to say
I have eaten
the paperclips
that were on
your desk
I have eaten
the paperclips
that were on
your desk
Reposted by chris.
no you misunderstood. I said *deviant septum* in that my nose continues to have problems with authority.
October 27, 2026 at 7:07 PM
no you misunderstood. I said *deviant septum* in that my nose continues to have problems with authority.
There are so many types of fungus in the mulch where I work, I will probably die before I can taste test them all.
October 27, 2026 at 7:48 PM
There are so many types of fungus in the mulch where I work, I will probably die before I can taste test them all.
Reposted by chris.
Hot take:
“Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.
“Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.
October 27, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Hot take:
“Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.
“Glizzy” is an awful word that should not be permitted anywhere near our food.
Reposted by chris.
Did you know you can just buy a cattle prod at the feed store and use it on crowds at your leisure?
October 27, 2026 at 7:02 PM
Did you know you can just buy a cattle prod at the feed store and use it on crowds at your leisure?
Reposted by chris.
Your gut microBio-Dome results are in, and your microPaulie Shore levels are THROUGH THE ROOF, Kevin
October 27, 2026 at 12:29 PM
Your gut microBio-Dome results are in, and your microPaulie Shore levels are THROUGH THE ROOF, Kevin
Reposted by chris.
voted and got my covid and flu shots today and now have entirely too many stickers
October 26, 2026 at 6:09 PM
voted and got my covid and flu shots today and now have entirely too many stickers
Reposted by chris.
Lately, and for reasons unknown, I’ve been passing out compliments like Halloween candy. The other day I told every member of the Geek Squad at Best Buy that they all had nice hair
October 27, 2026 at 11:54 AM
Lately, and for reasons unknown, I’ve been passing out compliments like Halloween candy. The other day I told every member of the Geek Squad at Best Buy that they all had nice hair
Reposted by chris.
Stop jacking off and transmute that sexual energy into the second coming of Christ
October 25, 2026 at 7:41 PM
Stop jacking off and transmute that sexual energy into the second coming of Christ
Reposted by chris.
I don’t feel well, but mostly because I’ve completely ruined my life.
October 26, 2026 at 10:39 PM
I don’t feel well, but mostly because I’ve completely ruined my life.
Reposted by chris.
Two weeks in a row of feeling normal would be a fucking dream at this point.
October 27, 2026 at 3:01 AM
Two weeks in a row of feeling normal would be a fucking dream at this point.
Reposted by chris.
Fate has always been listening in on our devices to make funny coincidences, so we choose destiny instead of chance. It fed our words back funny from sundials even. I just said even, now it's evening
October 27, 2026 at 4:38 AM
Fate has always been listening in on our devices to make funny coincidences, so we choose destiny instead of chance. It fed our words back funny from sundials even. I just said even, now it's evening
Reposted by chris.
saw the sun disappear behind the mountains like a fucking coward
October 27, 2026 at 1:24 AM
saw the sun disappear behind the mountains like a fucking coward
Reposted by chris.
Sometimes I worry that laying down in my free time isn’t a hobby
October 27, 2026 at 1:35 AM
Sometimes I worry that laying down in my free time isn’t a hobby
Reposted by chris.
I'm actually pretty healthy if you count mayo as a protein
October 26, 2026 at 11:33 PM
I'm actually pretty healthy if you count mayo as a protein
Reposted by chris.
Your noises aren't my noises and yours are annoying so you're going to have to leave.
October 26, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Your noises aren't my noises and yours are annoying so you're going to have to leave.
Reposted by chris.
Them: MAN OVERBOARD!!!
Me: *in the water
No, no, just keep going.
Me: *in the water
No, no, just keep going.
October 27, 2026 at 2:22 AM
Them: MAN OVERBOARD!!!
Me: *in the water
No, no, just keep going.
Me: *in the water
No, no, just keep going.
Reposted by chris.
I walked into this insult and i can’t for the life of me, remember why.
October 27, 2026 at 1:06 AM
I walked into this insult and i can’t for the life of me, remember why.
Reposted by chris.
But babe what’s a para-dig-uhm shift?
October 26, 2026 at 11:36 AM
But babe what’s a para-dig-uhm shift?
Reposted by chris.
Jesus returns but he falls in love with juice and he forces everyone to call him Juiceus Christ and nobody can pay attention to his sermons because of how purple his teeth are.
October 25, 2026 at 4:16 PM
Jesus returns but he falls in love with juice and he forces everyone to call him Juiceus Christ and nobody can pay attention to his sermons because of how purple his teeth are.
Reposted by chris.
in the early days of bluesky our posts used to echo
October 26, 2026 at 7:27 AM
in the early days of bluesky our posts used to echo
Most arrangements are edible, including the ones made of eels.
October 26, 2026 at 10:05 PM
Most arrangements are edible, including the ones made of eels.
Reposted by chris.
my face could sink a thousand ships but they’d have to launch for some other reason
October 26, 2026 at 4:01 PM
my face could sink a thousand ships but they’d have to launch for some other reason
Which of your friends is most likely to drop an anvil on your head? Were you looking for the helper? Because that's the helper.
October 26, 2026 at 12:54 PM
Which of your friends is most likely to drop an anvil on your head? Were you looking for the helper? Because that's the helper.
Reposted by chris.
You can have it all
My empire of dirt
And I’ll lend you my
Tide pen for your shirt
My empire of dirt
And I’ll lend you my
Tide pen for your shirt
October 25, 2026 at 7:11 PM
You can have it all
My empire of dirt
And I’ll lend you my
Tide pen for your shirt
My empire of dirt
And I’ll lend you my
Tide pen for your shirt