𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Artisan cheesemonger.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Oct 11
I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
I was a full grown adult before I learned that mint grew out of the ground and was not just some chemical created by gum and candy manufacturers.
It’s pure luck that I’ve managed to survive this long.
It’s pure luck that I’ve managed to survive this long.
September 25, 2026 at 12:54 PM
I was a full grown adult before I learned that mint grew out of the ground and was not just some chemical created by gum and candy manufacturers.
It’s pure luck that I’ve managed to survive this long.
It’s pure luck that I’ve managed to survive this long.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
think you’re in love? go eat some cheese about it and put on some fuzzy socks. now you love cheese and fuzzy socks, the end.
September 25, 2026 at 11:05 AM
think you’re in love? go eat some cheese about it and put on some fuzzy socks. now you love cheese and fuzzy socks, the end.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Wellsir, time to put on my big boy pants and sublimate how I really feel
September 25, 2026 at 12:35 PM
Wellsir, time to put on my big boy pants and sublimate how I really feel
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
i think we should determine seniority by whose jaw clicks the most
September 25, 2026 at 12:18 PM
i think we should determine seniority by whose jaw clicks the most
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I do the Mister Rogers casual-thing when I get home from work but instead of putting on a sweater and sneakers I strip naked in the driveway and set fire to my filthy and wretched clothes.
September 25, 2026 at 12:22 PM
I do the Mister Rogers casual-thing when I get home from work but instead of putting on a sweater and sneakers I strip naked in the driveway and set fire to my filthy and wretched clothes.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Call me Charles the way you give me the Dickens
September 25, 2026 at 3:12 AM
Call me Charles the way you give me the Dickens
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
trust me, I'm not a doctor
September 25, 2026 at 1:36 AM
trust me, I'm not a doctor
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
sending out a space probe to find my lost motivation
September 25, 2026 at 8:18 AM
sending out a space probe to find my lost motivation
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I'm not hitting on you I just can't shut the fuck up
September 25, 2026 at 3:50 AM
I'm not hitting on you I just can't shut the fuck up
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
But for the hysteria and the killing, tripping balls on rye fungus in 1692 Salem sounds like a lot of fun, actually
September 25, 2026 at 11:56 AM
But for the hysteria and the killing, tripping balls on rye fungus in 1692 Salem sounds like a lot of fun, actually
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
(cat porn music) bow chicka meow meow
September 25, 2026 at 2:04 AM
(cat porn music) bow chicka meow meow
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
me: I’m game for a shenanigan, but I really have to be up early
gang leader:
me: or a hijink. either, but I gotta be home by like nine
gang leader:
me: or a hijink. either, but I gotta be home by like nine
August 22, 2023 at 10:26 AM
me: I’m game for a shenanigan, but I really have to be up early
gang leader:
me: or a hijink. either, but I gotta be home by like nine
gang leader:
me: or a hijink. either, but I gotta be home by like nine
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 1976. A Paul McCartney and Wings concert raised $50,000 for restoration of historic Venice buildings and only cost the city a few million in damages to St Mark's Square caused by heavy trucks and equipment, according to my sources (the voices in my head).
September 25, 2026 at 9:34 AM
This day in history. 1976. A Paul McCartney and Wings concert raised $50,000 for restoration of historic Venice buildings and only cost the city a few million in damages to St Mark's Square caused by heavy trucks and equipment, according to my sources (the voices in my head).
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I'm going to get real high and touch myself about it
September 24, 2026 at 7:56 PM
I'm going to get real high and touch myself about it
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
that wasn’t a yawn, it was a silent scream for help
September 24, 2026 at 8:59 PM
that wasn’t a yawn, it was a silent scream for help
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
There are a dozen crows playing in the freshening breeze directly above the old nuke plant things are looking up!
September 24, 2026 at 8:58 PM
There are a dozen crows playing in the freshening breeze directly above the old nuke plant things are looking up!
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven and turned my life into a living hell?
September 24, 2026 at 8:55 PM
Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven and turned my life into a living hell?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
are you ever making a chicken pot pie and think i really want to climb inside this chicken pot pie?
September 24, 2026 at 9:46 PM
are you ever making a chicken pot pie and think i really want to climb inside this chicken pot pie?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
overthinking but not in any useful way whatsoever
September 24, 2026 at 9:24 PM
overthinking but not in any useful way whatsoever
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Ugh, I can't fight this feeling anymore. Somebody gave it a sword.
September 24, 2026 at 10:49 PM
Ugh, I can't fight this feeling anymore. Somebody gave it a sword.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Microdosing Groundhog Day by coming to Bluesky every day just to repost the same 38 shitposters.
September 24, 2026 at 11:53 PM
Microdosing Groundhog Day by coming to Bluesky every day just to repost the same 38 shitposters.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
mutually assured destruction and chill?
September 25, 2026 at 12:51 AM
mutually assured destruction and chill?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The only ring I’m ever putting on a man’s finger is my butthole.
September 24, 2026 at 11:51 PM
The only ring I’m ever putting on a man’s finger is my butthole.
I have a type and it’s women who are smarter than me but that really doesn’t narrow things down at all.
September 25, 2026 at 12:52 AM
I have a type and it’s women who are smarter than me but that really doesn’t narrow things down at all.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
love being in my late-30s bc what do you mean I’m bringing a piece of my banana bread to the bar for my friend?
September 24, 2026 at 9:46 PM
love being in my late-30s bc what do you mean I’m bringing a piece of my banana bread to the bar for my friend?