ChrisJT
@chrisjt86.bsky.social
Love music, guitars, animals, craft beer, sushi, BBQ, and stuff that's weird.
If a drummer ever tells an offensive joke without immediately following it up with a rim shot, he will commit that act of {every horrible thing ever} and you should call the cops.
February 16, 2025 at 11:54 PM
If a drummer ever tells an offensive joke without immediately following it up with a rim shot, he will commit that act of {every horrible thing ever} and you should call the cops.
The expression of desire for self-love is, in itself, an expression of self-love.
February 16, 2025 at 10:35 PM
The expression of desire for self-love is, in itself, an expression of self-love.
I hate your favorite soup.
February 16, 2025 at 12:30 PM
I hate your favorite soup.
Can we get an executive order allowing us to walk around naked? We already have trucks with their nuts hanging out, so why not us?
February 7, 2025 at 2:03 PM
Can we get an executive order allowing us to walk around naked? We already have trucks with their nuts hanging out, so why not us?
Making a Christian renounce their faith means you win at life, and eternity itself. God told me.
February 1, 2025 at 12:14 AM
Making a Christian renounce their faith means you win at life, and eternity itself. God told me.
Law and Order:
DA- "This woman deserved every stab her husband inflicted on her, and she also needs to be crucified, and her mother needs to be beheaded, and anyone with the same name as her should have their genitals removed."
Prosecutor-"OBJECTION!"
DA- "Withdrawn."
Me: What the ever living fuck?
DA- "This woman deserved every stab her husband inflicted on her, and she also needs to be crucified, and her mother needs to be beheaded, and anyone with the same name as her should have their genitals removed."
Prosecutor-"OBJECTION!"
DA- "Withdrawn."
Me: What the ever living fuck?
January 28, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Law and Order:
DA- "This woman deserved every stab her husband inflicted on her, and she also needs to be crucified, and her mother needs to be beheaded, and anyone with the same name as her should have their genitals removed."
Prosecutor-"OBJECTION!"
DA- "Withdrawn."
Me: What the ever living fuck?
DA- "This woman deserved every stab her husband inflicted on her, and she also needs to be crucified, and her mother needs to be beheaded, and anyone with the same name as her should have their genitals removed."
Prosecutor-"OBJECTION!"
DA- "Withdrawn."
Me: What the ever living fuck?
HR meetings do wonders for pimps. Even they will tell you, you can just ask one.
January 18, 2025 at 9:56 PM
HR meetings do wonders for pimps. Even they will tell you, you can just ask one.
Fuck TikTok. I want Vine back.
January 16, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Fuck TikTok. I want Vine back.
Using the words "my friend" can come across as condescending.
(That's when someone talks down to you, my friend.)
(That's when someone talks down to you, my friend.)
January 13, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Using the words "my friend" can come across as condescending.
(That's when someone talks down to you, my friend.)
(That's when someone talks down to you, my friend.)
I'm set for a little while. I'd buy two deep freezers; one just for food and another just for beanises.
Typo I could fix, but I ain't gonna 😁
Typo I could fix, but I ain't gonna 😁
January 10, 2025 at 11:50 PM
I'm set for a little while. I'd buy two deep freezers; one just for food and another just for beanises.
Typo I could fix, but I ain't gonna 😁
Typo I could fix, but I ain't gonna 😁
Some people only post negative shit because they are trying to deal with shit by making other people feel like shit, and trying to inject positivity is like taking heroin from a junkie. Doomposters often don't give a fuck about others, and spreading misery is a Famous Amos cookie of relief.
January 10, 2025 at 12:31 PM
Some people only post negative shit because they are trying to deal with shit by making other people feel like shit, and trying to inject positivity is like taking heroin from a junkie. Doomposters often don't give a fuck about others, and spreading misery is a Famous Amos cookie of relief.
"I'm Canadian, which means if America and Canada were to ever go to war, it would be my duty to kill as many Americans as possible.
*takes drag of cigarette*
I'd enjoy it."
-William Shatner on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on the very first "Secrets" segment. Aww no, we're fucked down here, then.
*takes drag of cigarette*
I'd enjoy it."
-William Shatner on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on the very first "Secrets" segment. Aww no, we're fucked down here, then.
January 9, 2025 at 11:13 PM
"I'm Canadian, which means if America and Canada were to ever go to war, it would be my duty to kill as many Americans as possible.
*takes drag of cigarette*
I'd enjoy it."
-William Shatner on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on the very first "Secrets" segment. Aww no, we're fucked down here, then.
*takes drag of cigarette*
I'd enjoy it."
-William Shatner on Late Night with Conan O'Brien on the very first "Secrets" segment. Aww no, we're fucked down here, then.
All I remember from school is maize = corn, and Eli Whitney liked cotton and booze together.
January 9, 2025 at 2:55 AM
All I remember from school is maize = corn, and Eli Whitney liked cotton and booze together.
If these walls could talk, that would really fuck up my sex life.
IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING, INVASIVE, AND I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE IT AT ALL.
January 8, 2025 at 6:55 PM
If these walls could talk, that would really fuck up my sex life.
Reposted by ChrisJT
IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING, INVASIVE, AND I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE IT AT ALL.
January 8, 2025 at 5:56 PM
IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK, THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING, INVASIVE, AND I DON'T THINK I'D LIKE IT AT ALL.
The MCU ended with Infinity War and Thanos winning. Everything else after that is non-canon and if even Stan Lee himself would disagree, well, he's wrong.
January 7, 2025 at 12:32 AM
The MCU ended with Infinity War and Thanos winning. Everything else after that is non-canon and if even Stan Lee himself would disagree, well, he's wrong.
I want to call an egg a new so when I make breakfast I can say im breaking news
January 6, 2025 at 2:34 PM
I want to call an egg a new so when I make breakfast I can say im breaking news
Q: Why did the brewery put frogs and rabbits in their beer?
A: They weren't a very good brewery.
A: They weren't a very good brewery.
January 4, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Q: Why did the brewery put frogs and rabbits in their beer?
A: They weren't a very good brewery.
A: They weren't a very good brewery.
I never liked Richard Dawkins anyway.
December 31, 2024 at 1:47 PM
I never liked Richard Dawkins anyway.
Anybody else whose autism has made it hard to key into what your partner needs if you're in a relationship, even when the stakes are high like with money?
December 28, 2024 at 7:54 PM
Anybody else whose autism has made it hard to key into what your partner needs if you're in a relationship, even when the stakes are high like with money?
I missed the football game with Beyonce, but I did end up watching Wolves vs. Man United. What kind of American am I?
December 27, 2024 at 2:24 PM
I missed the football game with Beyonce, but I did end up watching Wolves vs. Man United. What kind of American am I?
My favorite joke framing device ever is, "I've heard of ______, but this is ridiculous!"
December 26, 2024 at 6:19 PM
My favorite joke framing device ever is, "I've heard of ______, but this is ridiculous!"
This is legitimately my favorite website in the world. It comforts me.
theuselessweb.site/broof/
theuselessweb.site/broof/
BROOF!
theuselessweb.site
December 23, 2024 at 12:05 AM
This is legitimately my favorite website in the world. It comforts me.
theuselessweb.site/broof/
theuselessweb.site/broof/
George Carlin is probably the closest famous guy we ever had to Thanos. R/CarlinWasRight
December 21, 2024 at 12:16 AM
George Carlin is probably the closest famous guy we ever had to Thanos. R/CarlinWasRight
As an atheist, my favorite Christmas movie is "Coincidence on 34th Street."
December 15, 2024 at 12:15 AM
As an atheist, my favorite Christmas movie is "Coincidence on 34th Street."