Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
@hormonella.bsky.social
My body is not my temple
It’s more like my bar and grill
It’s more like my bar and grill
Pinned
This football season, consider cryogenically freezing your spouse.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Good morning, people who haven't muted me.
September 17, 2026 at 12:29 PM
Good morning, people who haven't muted me.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
that guy wrote Enjoy the Silence to trick his girlfriend into thinking shutting the hell up is a spiritual experience
September 17, 2026 at 4:16 PM
that guy wrote Enjoy the Silence to trick his girlfriend into thinking shutting the hell up is a spiritual experience
as a child I dreamt that one day I would spend all of my time sitting on the toilet seeking the validation of strangers
September 18, 2026 at 12:32 PM
as a child I dreamt that one day I would spend all of my time sitting on the toilet seeking the validation of strangers
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
-At Olive Garden, you’re family.
-No thank you.
-No thank you.
September 17, 2026 at 10:54 PM
-At Olive Garden, you’re family.
-No thank you.
-No thank you.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Sorry I wore cargo jorts and knee-high socks when you're ovulating
June 16, 2026 at 12:08 PM
Sorry I wore cargo jorts and knee-high socks when you're ovulating
I lose followers the old fashioned way.
I skeet.
I skeet.
September 17, 2026 at 12:18 PM
I lose followers the old fashioned way.
I skeet.
I skeet.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I stay in shape by always doing things the hard way.
September 15, 2026 at 7:56 PM
I stay in shape by always doing things the hard way.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Would you like a mocktail? A drink that jeers at you?
September 16, 2026 at 5:44 PM
Would you like a mocktail? A drink that jeers at you?
not to brag but I am the best dressed person in this Denny’s
September 16, 2026 at 5:32 PM
not to brag but I am the best dressed person in this Denny’s
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
take the scenic route to nowhere and find something you weren't looking for
September 16, 2026 at 11:38 AM
take the scenic route to nowhere and find something you weren't looking for
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Alexa, wrestle Siri in jello.
November 4, 2024 at 10:23 AM
Alexa, wrestle Siri in jello.
good morning to everyone who didn’t turn the lights on because they didn’t want to wake the dog and then barked their shin on the coffee table
September 16, 2026 at 10:58 AM
good morning to everyone who didn’t turn the lights on because they didn’t want to wake the dog and then barked their shin on the coffee table
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
"Walk away. You do not want any part of him when he's like this. Just apologize and walk away."
April 23, 2024 at 8:57 PM
"Walk away. You do not want any part of him when he's like this. Just apologize and walk away."
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
It seems to me the real problem these days is that people have an overwhelming dread of sense.
September 15, 2026 at 11:31 PM
It seems to me the real problem these days is that people have an overwhelming dread of sense.
they don’t tell you but one of the leading causes of arthritis is having to scroll down to select the year of your birth
September 16, 2026 at 1:08 AM
they don’t tell you but one of the leading causes of arthritis is having to scroll down to select the year of your birth
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Me: I triple-dog dare you!
Cerberus: Wow, you really went there? Ok.
Cerberus: Wow, you really went there? Ok.
September 14, 2026 at 2:01 PM
Me: I triple-dog dare you!
Cerberus: Wow, you really went there? Ok.
Cerberus: Wow, you really went there? Ok.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I should probably keep more of these to myself for the foreseeable future.
September 14, 2026 at 2:07 PM
I should probably keep more of these to myself for the foreseeable future.
Who amongst us hasn’t tried to dial someone’s number from the calculator in their phone?
September 14, 2026 at 9:12 PM
Who amongst us hasn’t tried to dial someone’s number from the calculator in their phone?
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
sentience in the time of stupidity
September 14, 2026 at 12:28 PM
sentience in the time of stupidity
he was a 10 but sported a laughable codpiece
September 14, 2026 at 1:12 PM
he was a 10 but sported a laughable codpiece
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
There are people out there who don't kiss the tops of their dogs’ heads at every available opportunity, and we call those people monsters.
September 13, 2026 at 8:35 AM
There are people out there who don't kiss the tops of their dogs’ heads at every available opportunity, and we call those people monsters.
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
I open the door to the basement where the guest will stay, pausing briefly to inquire how they feel about dolls.
September 11, 2026 at 6:15 PM
I open the door to the basement where the guest will stay, pausing briefly to inquire how they feel about dolls.
that creepy sensation you just felt was my tongue dragging across your timeline as I licked the yogurt off my phone screen
September 13, 2026 at 2:34 PM
that creepy sensation you just felt was my tongue dragging across your timeline as I licked the yogurt off my phone screen
Reposted by Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺
Freddy Krueger, but he comes to your dreams to rearrange your dishwasher
September 12, 2026 at 9:52 PM
Freddy Krueger, but he comes to your dreams to rearrange your dishwasher