@justmea.bsky.social
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It’s that time of year when I have to consider chapstick and suicide.
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A family can be three pieces of toast
October 5, 2026 at 7:03 PM
A family can be three pieces of toast
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All good things are a little out of tune
October 5, 2026 at 8:26 PM
All good things are a little out of tune
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Somehow managed to fall down 6 flights of stairs without spilling any of my fondue
October 5, 2026 at 1:31 PM
Somehow managed to fall down 6 flights of stairs without spilling any of my fondue
Come over. You can put all your weight on me for a while, and then we’ll switch.
October 6, 2026 at 12:09 AM
Come over. You can put all your weight on me for a while, and then we’ll switch.
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neglected to pack a heating pad so just using the travel iron on my neck
October 4, 2026 at 10:16 PM
neglected to pack a heating pad so just using the travel iron on my neck
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In 2009 you could tweet "Waiter, their's a typo in my tweet" and literally be given seven millions dollars and a chance to smell Ellen DeGeneres
March 30, 2026 at 5:55 AM
In 2009 you could tweet "Waiter, their's a typo in my tweet" and literally be given seven millions dollars and a chance to smell Ellen DeGeneres
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[first glass of wine]
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
July 14, 2023 at 6:29 AM
[first glass of wine]
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
I don’t even like when an actual teabag touches my mouth.
October 5, 2026 at 12:49 AM
I don’t even like when an actual teabag touches my mouth.
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sort of gave up on this project emotionally but damn if these fuckers didn’t pop right up. sautéed them for some massive mushroom and swiss smashburgers tonight
October 4, 2026 at 11:49 PM
sort of gave up on this project emotionally but damn if these fuckers didn’t pop right up. sautéed them for some massive mushroom and swiss smashburgers tonight
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My best way of learning is by error and error
October 4, 2026 at 10:57 PM
My best way of learning is by error and error
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Old people love answering the phone
October 3, 2026 at 3:15 PM
Old people love answering the phone
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if you don't like The Offspring then maybe you should have hired a different funeral stripper
July 30, 2023 at 9:56 AM
if you don't like The Offspring then maybe you should have hired a different funeral stripper
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Typical Sunday. Read the Bible to my cat and spilled nachos on my sex cape
October 4, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Typical Sunday. Read the Bible to my cat and spilled nachos on my sex cape
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Telling a child that they were adopted is the hardest thing about being a party clown
October 4, 2026 at 9:47 PM
Telling a child that they were adopted is the hardest thing about being a party clown
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My blood type is Cheddar
September 22, 2026 at 11:31 PM
My blood type is Cheddar
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Fake it until you can break down in private.
September 24, 2026 at 6:03 PM
Fake it until you can break down in private.
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Are you causing chaos or is chaos causing you?
September 26, 2026 at 6:27 PM
Are you causing chaos or is chaos causing you?
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I’m tired of carrying myself with me wherever I go.
September 7, 2026 at 4:21 PM
I’m tired of carrying myself with me wherever I go.
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I began by searching for happiness, later settled for peace.
September 16, 2026 at 6:52 PM
I began by searching for happiness, later settled for peace.
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Ever fiction, never real, home in a person, place or thing is everlasting only in the neverworld.
September 27, 2026 at 1:55 PM
Ever fiction, never real, home in a person, place or thing is everlasting only in the neverworld.
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Putting the finishing touches on my fall wardrobe by running through the bushes and coming away with a coat of orb weavers.
October 3, 2026 at 10:22 PM
Putting the finishing touches on my fall wardrobe by running through the bushes and coming away with a coat of orb weavers.
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When I say that I don't understand what the fuck is going on, that is not a request for you to explain it to me.
March 15, 2025 at 1:54 AM
When I say that I don't understand what the fuck is going on, that is not a request for you to explain it to me.
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The best way to say hello is with a firm booty shake.
October 1, 2026 at 1:26 PM
The best way to say hello is with a firm booty shake.