what happens to yoshi when mario jumps off of him and lands on a platform but yoshi falls down a hole in the level. i think virgil guides him through each circle of hell
September 17, 2026 at 5:13 AM
what happens to yoshi when mario jumps off of him and lands on a platform but yoshi falls down a hole in the level. i think virgil guides him through each circle of hell
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
*noticeably drunk Kool-Aid man turns down the music at a party*
i want everyone to piss inside me
i want everyone to piss inside me
September 20, 2023 at 4:29 PM
*noticeably drunk Kool-Aid man turns down the music at a party*
i want everyone to piss inside me
i want everyone to piss inside me
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Exercising my right, as an adult, to spoil my dinner
September 13, 2026 at 11:23 PM
Exercising my right, as an adult, to spoil my dinner
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
When the gods want to test a man's character they put him on the computer
August 1, 2026 at 8:05 PM
When the gods want to test a man's character they put him on the computer
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
My Toxicity Score is 12/100, mostly from toad licking
September 17, 2026 at 4:29 AM
My Toxicity Score is 12/100, mostly from toad licking
job interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
me: living in infamy
interviewer: can you elaborate on that?
me: absolutely not
me: living in infamy
interviewer: can you elaborate on that?
me: absolutely not
September 17, 2026 at 4:55 AM
job interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
me: living in infamy
interviewer: can you elaborate on that?
me: absolutely not
me: living in infamy
interviewer: can you elaborate on that?
me: absolutely not
virtually every day, something happens. truly remarkable
September 17, 2026 at 4:46 AM
virtually every day, something happens. truly remarkable
feels like a couple more body parts should have lobes
July 9, 2026 at 4:15 AM
feels like a couple more body parts should have lobes
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Chairs are pretty great.
You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.
You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.
March 1, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Chairs are pretty great.
You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.
You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Making you a coffee but forgetting to put it in a cup. Just sort of pushing it across the floor towards you with my hands
June 12, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Making you a coffee but forgetting to put it in a cup. Just sort of pushing it across the floor towards you with my hands
me: i think cell C12 is missing the formula for the rest of that column
ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills
ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills
June 23, 2026 at 1:18 AM
me: i think cell C12 is missing the formula for the rest of that column
ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills
ai agent: it sure is you clever bitch. have you been taking genius pills
[running into the room out of breath] square burrito
May 26, 2026 at 2:21 AM
[running into the room out of breath] square burrito
when i'm getting ready to toot my little horn and swing my little hammer
May 26, 2026 at 1:46 AM
when i'm getting ready to toot my little horn and swing my little hammer
getting transformed into a pillar of salt for checking whether the other website was still an online septic tank
May 25, 2026 at 11:17 PM
getting transformed into a pillar of salt for checking whether the other website was still an online septic tank
check out our top 20 easy-to-make sides for your memorial day cookout! number 12 will bring you to your knees, fists raised to the sky at the abject cruelty of an indifferent god
May 19, 2026 at 10:59 PM
check out our top 20 easy-to-make sides for your memorial day cookout! number 12 will bring you to your knees, fists raised to the sky at the abject cruelty of an indifferent god
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
you should come over tomorrow - we can open a bottle of pinot grigio and i’ll cook those weird eggs i found
May 12, 2026 at 2:56 AM
you should come over tomorrow - we can open a bottle of pinot grigio and i’ll cook those weird eggs i found
watching the dude in front of me at the corner market purchase a single buzzball. i wonder what the night has in store for this desperado
May 12, 2026 at 1:34 AM
watching the dude in front of me at the corner market purchase a single buzzball. i wonder what the night has in store for this desperado
my absence at the met gala does not mean i wasn't wearing something incredibly puzzling on a monday evening
May 6, 2026 at 4:22 AM
my absence at the met gala does not mean i wasn't wearing something incredibly puzzling on a monday evening
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
though frequently disqualified, clown college actually has a very good baseball team
May 12, 2024 at 3:30 PM
though frequently disqualified, clown college actually has a very good baseball team
sick of people asking me "can you see without your glasses" as though i don't use echolocation to navigate, hunt, and avoid obstacles
May 2, 2026 at 2:35 AM
sick of people asking me "can you see without your glasses" as though i don't use echolocation to navigate, hunt, and avoid obstacles
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
(eating a pill i found on the floor of the club bathroom) hope it's a placebo. i don't need any effects right now
April 14, 2026 at 10:30 PM
(eating a pill i found on the floor of the club bathroom) hope it's a placebo. i don't need any effects right now
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Oh my god. Oh my god babe. I'm on cnn․com and (checks door is closed so kids can't hear) the minions died.
April 15, 2026 at 4:48 AM
Oh my god. Oh my god babe. I'm on cnn․com and (checks door is closed so kids can't hear) the minions died.
Reposted by lil jon lovitz
Lady at the farm stand wouldn’t sell me betel nuts because she said I have a child’s soul
April 15, 2026 at 5:02 AM
Lady at the farm stand wouldn’t sell me betel nuts because she said I have a child’s soul
talking about favorite tv shows at a party and seeing how long i can get away with calling it "twin peeps" until someone loses their cool
April 15, 2026 at 6:18 AM
talking about favorite tv shows at a party and seeing how long i can get away with calling it "twin peeps" until someone loses their cool