Keith Taylor
@mrkeithtaylor.bsky.social
Bestselling author of This Is the Way the World Ends: an Oral History of the Zombie War: http://amzn.to/3O6xBWm
Anti-Brexit and pro-Free Movement. Denizen of Mongolia
Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaak2agiw6iwg
Anti-Brexit and pro-Free Movement. Denizen of Mongolia
Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaak2agiw6iwg
Pinned
Apropos of absolutely nothing at all, my novel This Is the Way the World Ends: an Oral History of the Zombie War contains lots of valuable tips to help you survive the collapse of society.
I mean... most of the tips are zombie related, but they're transferable.
www.amazon.com/This-Way-Wor...
I mean... most of the tips are zombie related, but they're transferable.
www.amazon.com/This-Way-Wor...
French people speaking English always sound like they're doing a mildly offensive impression of themselves
September 18, 2026 at 12:09 PM
French people speaking English always sound like they're doing a mildly offensive impression of themselves
Reposted by Keith Taylor
But they were all of them deceived, for another Duran was made
September 17, 2026 at 6:36 PM
But they were all of them deceived, for another Duran was made
Arrived an hour early for my FBI interview, and the selection of porn magazines in the waiting room are not to my tastes
September 17, 2026 at 6:33 AM
Arrived an hour early for my FBI interview, and the selection of porn magazines in the waiting room are not to my tastes
So, is there a miss ection? I ask, exploiting your momentary confusion to paint the jack of hearts on your chest and rebutton your shirt
September 17, 2026 at 2:07 AM
So, is there a miss ection? I ask, exploiting your momentary confusion to paint the jack of hearts on your chest and rebutton your shirt
Reposted by Keith Taylor
Look, we’re losing light and the veil between the living and the dead is becoming gossamer thin, so let me get this off my chest before it’s too late: you’re a dork
September 17, 2026 at 12:32 AM
Look, we’re losing light and the veil between the living and the dead is becoming gossamer thin, so let me get this off my chest before it’s too late: you’re a dork
Reposted by Keith Taylor
ME: yeah nah still didn't catch that
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: i'm really sorry, one more time
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: something something my son? he's not home
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible, annoyed)
ME: ok well i'll tell him you came by if we find him
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: i'm really sorry, one more time
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: something something my son? he's not home
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible, annoyed)
ME: ok well i'll tell him you came by if we find him
September 15, 2026 at 10:58 PM
ME: yeah nah still didn't catch that
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: i'm really sorry, one more time
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: something something my son? he's not home
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible, annoyed)
ME: ok well i'll tell him you came by if we find him
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: i'm really sorry, one more time
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible)
ME: something something my son? he's not home
THE WHISPER MAN: (inaudible, annoyed)
ME: ok well i'll tell him you came by if we find him
Reposted by Keith Taylor
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
September 16, 2026 at 1:47 AM
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
OK, I’m back from my no-phones Yosemite hiking trip and excited to dive in to my new role. Handling public relations for a nice, kind lad like Ed Sheeran should be a joy. Hey, did you know he was in GAME OF THRONES?
September 16, 2026 at 12:37 AM
OK, I’m back from my no-phones Yosemite hiking trip and excited to dive in to my new role. Handling public relations for a nice, kind lad like Ed Sheeran should be a joy. Hey, did you know he was in GAME OF THRONES?
We need to stop forcing Ewan McGregor to do the weird Wisconsichiganianachussetts accent he’s been flailing at for 30 years. Enough now. Your thing has dinosaurs. In the 1980s. We can suspend our disbelief just a little more for a Scottish person.
September 15, 2026 at 3:00 PM
We need to stop forcing Ewan McGregor to do the weird Wisconsichiganianachussetts accent he’s been flailing at for 30 years. Enough now. Your thing has dinosaurs. In the 1980s. We can suspend our disbelief just a little more for a Scottish person.
Reposted by Keith Taylor
with the can appearing to impose a hard limit on his physical size, we believed no threat was posed by Oscar the Grouch, until he vanished and beneath where he'd stood was found the entrance to a vast network of huge underground chambers. hours later, Paris fell. then Beijing. swallowed by the earth
September 15, 2026 at 6:02 AM
with the can appearing to impose a hard limit on his physical size, we believed no threat was posed by Oscar the Grouch, until he vanished and beneath where he'd stood was found the entrance to a vast network of huge underground chambers. hours later, Paris fell. then Beijing. swallowed by the earth
Reposted by Keith Taylor
I put my pants on just like everyone else: squirming around on my bed with my legs in the air.
September 14, 2026 at 12:18 PM
I put my pants on just like everyone else: squirming around on my bed with my legs in the air.
Reposted by Keith Taylor
now i am become Dad, the destroyer of leftovers
September 13, 2026 at 1:53 AM
now i am become Dad, the destroyer of leftovers
Deeply unfair that I'm puking my guts out at 6AM on a Saturday morning after two hours of crippling cramps. At least let me earn this with alcohol rather than a healthy salad, a workout and a 9:30PM bedtime.
September 11, 2026 at 11:07 PM
Deeply unfair that I'm puking my guts out at 6AM on a Saturday morning after two hours of crippling cramps. At least let me earn this with alcohol rather than a healthy salad, a workout and a 9:30PM bedtime.
Reposted by Keith Taylor
If I already found out, I figure I can circle back to fucking around without a bunch of hullabaloo or paperwork
September 9, 2026 at 11:38 PM
If I already found out, I figure I can circle back to fucking around without a bunch of hullabaloo or paperwork
The US Open is weird this year.
Zelenskyy is likely to come out on top here . I would not be surprised if he takes Putin off the field .
September 9, 2026 at 6:06 AM
The US Open is weird this year.
Reposted by Keith Taylor
My favorite witch on another app called Pete Hegseth a DUI hire and it was honestly the highlight of my day
September 9, 2026 at 12:25 AM
My favorite witch on another app called Pete Hegseth a DUI hire and it was honestly the highlight of my day
Reposted by Keith Taylor
I talked about fight club once and absolutely nothing happened
September 8, 2026 at 5:32 PM
I talked about fight club once and absolutely nothing happened
Reposted by Keith Taylor
as an empath, I must ask you to shut the fuck up
September 8, 2026 at 2:18 AM
as an empath, I must ask you to shut the fuck up
You mean to tell me I could be gently stroking Zendaya's inner thigh in a darkened room at a house party while she breathily whispers sweet nothings and then I have to wake up to [gesticulates wildly at the entire concept of consciousness] THIS BULLSHIT?
What a scam.
What a scam.
September 7, 2026 at 6:43 AM
You mean to tell me I could be gently stroking Zendaya's inner thigh in a darkened room at a house party while she breathily whispers sweet nothings and then I have to wake up to [gesticulates wildly at the entire concept of consciousness] THIS BULLSHIT?
What a scam.
What a scam.
They say you can't out-train a bad diet, but I just walked seven miles across a city in searing tropical heat so I could eat an entirely calorie-free 200g pointe de brie when I got home. Check. And. Mate. Motherfucker.
September 6, 2026 at 1:12 PM
They say you can't out-train a bad diet, but I just walked seven miles across a city in searing tropical heat so I could eat an entirely calorie-free 200g pointe de brie when I got home. Check. And. Mate. Motherfucker.
Reposted by Keith Taylor
My kid said his Dr. Pepper had no chafizzma and I only allowed that because he was right
September 5, 2026 at 10:17 PM
My kid said his Dr. Pepper had no chafizzma and I only allowed that because he was right
Reposted by Keith Taylor
that’s not very space cowboy of you maurice
September 4, 2026 at 7:00 PM
that’s not very space cowboy of you maurice
Reposted by Keith Taylor
we are excited to announce that today we are releasing Robot With A Gun. we believe Robot With A Gun is so powerful that its capabilities should first be carefully analyzed by specially-trained security professionals. we plan to roll out Robot With A Gun to the rest of our subscribers tomorrow
September 3, 2026 at 8:17 PM
we are excited to announce that today we are releasing Robot With A Gun. we believe Robot With A Gun is so powerful that its capabilities should first be carefully analyzed by specially-trained security professionals. we plan to roll out Robot With A Gun to the rest of our subscribers tomorrow
Just for the record, if you're mad at me and decide to smother me in an unreasonable and perhaps even hazardous number of puppies (either from ground level or attached to tiny, adorable handkerchief parachutes) I'm OK with it. You may consider this ongoing consent until informed otherwise.
Dogpiling or harassing users is unacceptable. We have taken recent action against accounts for this behavior, and we will be increasing our efforts, consistent with our Community Guidelines.
Community Guidelines - Bluesky
bsky.social
September 3, 2026 at 7:19 AM
Just for the record, if you're mad at me and decide to smother me in an unreasonable and perhaps even hazardous number of puppies (either from ground level or attached to tiny, adorable handkerchief parachutes) I'm OK with it. You may consider this ongoing consent until informed otherwise.
Every new mixed nationality relationship:
Her: Say it again
Him: Say wh--? Oh. We don't call it a grilled cheese, we say... [whispers seductively] cheese toastie
Her: [spontaneous ovulation]
Her: Say it again
Him: Say wh--? Oh. We don't call it a grilled cheese, we say... [whispers seductively] cheese toastie
Her: [spontaneous ovulation]
September 2, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Every new mixed nationality relationship:
Her: Say it again
Him: Say wh--? Oh. We don't call it a grilled cheese, we say... [whispers seductively] cheese toastie
Her: [spontaneous ovulation]
Her: Say it again
Him: Say wh--? Oh. We don't call it a grilled cheese, we say... [whispers seductively] cheese toastie
Her: [spontaneous ovulation]