Alacrity
@alacrity17.bsky.social
Father, Gamer, DM/GM, Cyclist, Hiker, BBQ lover, #actuallyautistic (he/him)
I had a series of three nightmares last night. One I was attacked by a bear, another I was run over by a madman in a car and the last I was forced to work retail again.
I am not sure which nightmare was worst.
I am not sure which nightmare was worst.
September 15, 2026 at 10:26 PM
I had a series of three nightmares last night. One I was attacked by a bear, another I was run over by a madman in a car and the last I was forced to work retail again.
I am not sure which nightmare was worst.
I am not sure which nightmare was worst.
"We are experiencing a higher than normal volume of calls right now" - Does any company have an option that doesn't say this? "Our lines are completely dead right now and you will be answered by the next agent who survives gladiatorial combat"
September 14, 2026 at 10:42 PM
"We are experiencing a higher than normal volume of calls right now" - Does any company have an option that doesn't say this? "Our lines are completely dead right now and you will be answered by the next agent who survives gladiatorial combat"
A rolling stone will continuing rolling unless acted upon by an opposing moss.
September 5, 2026 at 10:49 PM
A rolling stone will continuing rolling unless acted upon by an opposing moss.
Today, I tried to carpe but the diem was like, "Dude, sit down".
September 1, 2026 at 10:37 PM
Today, I tried to carpe but the diem was like, "Dude, sit down".
When I get frustrated, I contemplate the sound of one hand slapping. I mean clapping. Yes. Clapping.
August 23, 2026 at 4:58 PM
When I get frustrated, I contemplate the sound of one hand slapping. I mean clapping. Yes. Clapping.
The irony of myself instructing someone on the art of conversation, is not completely lost to me.
August 22, 2026 at 7:23 PM
The irony of myself instructing someone on the art of conversation, is not completely lost to me.
I'm on the highway to hell. Or my GPS is broken. Not sure.
August 11, 2026 at 4:41 PM
I'm on the highway to hell. Or my GPS is broken. Not sure.
Reposted by Alacrity
Mo' Midweek Gooder peeps!
@southerngirlraven7.bsky.social
@franlaura.bsky.social
@eugeniat2.bsky.social
@alacrity17.bsky.social
@noreen900.bsky.social
@hopeful66.bsky.social
@turbokat42.bsky.social
@rottensisters.bsky.social
@southerngirlraven7.bsky.social
@franlaura.bsky.social
@eugeniat2.bsky.social
@alacrity17.bsky.social
@noreen900.bsky.social
@hopeful66.bsky.social
@turbokat42.bsky.social
@rottensisters.bsky.social
August 5, 2026 at 8:00 PM
Feeling a little whimsical in the brainpan today. Might do all my emails in yoda-speak or get a tattoo. Or maybe just some more coffee.
July 25, 2026 at 11:31 AM
Feeling a little whimsical in the brainpan today. Might do all my emails in yoda-speak or get a tattoo. Or maybe just some more coffee.
I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of... wait, I have one Hubba Bubba left. *puts it in mouth* You're lucky punk.
July 20, 2026 at 8:32 PM
I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I'm all out of... wait, I have one Hubba Bubba left. *puts it in mouth* You're lucky punk.
Generally speaking, athletes peak at age 26. I can still roll a die as well as I did when I was eighteen, so I win, right? :-)
July 17, 2026 at 2:01 AM
Generally speaking, athletes peak at age 26. I can still roll a die as well as I did when I was eighteen, so I win, right? :-)
I have a suggestion for a new #TTC slogan - "If you are not getting off the train, then get out of the &^%ing way of the doors, you stupid *#@!$ ."
It's catchy, but to the point.
It's catchy, but to the point.
July 14, 2026 at 12:32 PM
I have a suggestion for a new #TTC slogan - "If you are not getting off the train, then get out of the &^%ing way of the doors, you stupid *#@!$ ."
It's catchy, but to the point.
It's catchy, but to the point.
I just poured apple juice into my coffee instead of cream. I will be in bed under the covers for the rest of the day.
July 13, 2026 at 1:08 PM
I just poured apple juice into my coffee instead of cream. I will be in bed under the covers for the rest of the day.
Apparently, in the fifties, men could not afford shirts and were often attacked by wildlife.
July 11, 2026 at 5:32 PM
Apparently, in the fifties, men could not afford shirts and were often attacked by wildlife.
That moment when you find something on the floor and wonder - is this a Lego piece or a vital part of an appliance?
July 10, 2026 at 7:49 PM
That moment when you find something on the floor and wonder - is this a Lego piece or a vital part of an appliance?
Suddenly got dark here in Toronto. Either rain coming or alien invasion. If it is the latter, tell my wife I love her. Actually, I love her if it is raining too.
July 9, 2026 at 7:14 PM
Suddenly got dark here in Toronto. Either rain coming or alien invasion. If it is the latter, tell my wife I love her. Actually, I love her if it is raining too.
Cof-fee, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, Cof-fee
Cof-fee, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
I love you
You make everything groovy, Cof-fee
Cof-fee, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
I love you
July 8, 2026 at 9:55 PM
Cof-fee, you make my heart sing
You make everything groovy, Cof-fee
Cof-fee, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
I love you
You make everything groovy, Cof-fee
Cof-fee, I think I love you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on and hold me tight
I love you
Why do we even have gendered deodorant?
I'm a grown man and if I want to smell like cocoa butter kisses then I will.
I'm a grown man and if I want to smell like cocoa butter kisses then I will.
July 7, 2026 at 7:57 PM
Why do we even have gendered deodorant?
I'm a grown man and if I want to smell like cocoa butter kisses then I will.
I'm a grown man and if I want to smell like cocoa butter kisses then I will.
Cooking is love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably trying to sell you a unitasker.
July 5, 2026 at 3:50 PM
Cooking is love. Anyone who tells you otherwise is probably trying to sell you a unitasker.
Reposted by Alacrity
new metaphor just dropped
July 4, 2026 at 1:30 AM
new metaphor just dropped
Motivation ... motivation ... I had some around here somewhere. *shuffle through paperwork*
July 3, 2026 at 8:34 PM
Motivation ... motivation ... I had some around here somewhere. *shuffle through paperwork*
Help! I have "Stacy's Mom has got it going on" stuck in my head. What's the antidote?
July 2, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Help! I have "Stacy's Mom has got it going on" stuck in my head. What's the antidote?
This is just down right offensive.
June 30, 2026 at 11:16 PM
This is just down right offensive.
I've got the moves like Jabba.
June 28, 2026 at 7:50 PM
I've got the moves like Jabba.
If you can't be with the droids you're looking for, love the droids you're with 😍
June 27, 2026 at 3:48 PM
If you can't be with the droids you're looking for, love the droids you're with 😍