@brutal-salad.bsky.social
It's like your pizza falling upside down in your oven on your wedding day. It's considering whether or not to still eat it when you're already late. Isn't it ironic?
September 28, 2026 at 2:56 AM
It's like your pizza falling upside down in your oven on your wedding day. It's considering whether or not to still eat it when you're already late. Isn't it ironic?
Goes to a funeral, immediately leaves to get coffee. Never change, me, never change
September 25, 2026 at 2:14 PM
Goes to a funeral, immediately leaves to get coffee. Never change, me, never change
Nothing like unloading a Uhaul to drive home just how out of shape you've gotten.
September 6, 2026 at 8:41 PM
Nothing like unloading a Uhaul to drive home just how out of shape you've gotten.
"The affordability crisis" is a real sanitized way of saying no one can afford anything. Convenient how it drops off the part about how many people are affected, how it happened, who benefits from it, or the fact that it doesn't have to happen.
September 6, 2026 at 6:54 AM
"The affordability crisis" is a real sanitized way of saying no one can afford anything. Convenient how it drops off the part about how many people are affected, how it happened, who benefits from it, or the fact that it doesn't have to happen.
Wild cherry Pepsi, just not what you want.
August 19, 2026 at 4:07 AM
Wild cherry Pepsi, just not what you want.
Becoming the new CFO of my company. Chief Fortnite Officer Ty will be increasing v buck spending over the next 200 quarters.
August 7, 2026 at 1:57 AM
Becoming the new CFO of my company. Chief Fortnite Officer Ty will be increasing v buck spending over the next 200 quarters.
Another incredible Eevee added to the collection thanks to @itsaustyn.bsky.social ♥️♥️
July 27, 2026 at 5:40 PM
Another incredible Eevee added to the collection thanks to @itsaustyn.bsky.social ♥️♥️
I need my car app to tell me if my doors are locked already. I want to know if I am unnecessarily anxious or justified in check because I really did forget.
July 27, 2026 at 4:28 AM
I need my car app to tell me if my doors are locked already. I want to know if I am unnecessarily anxious or justified in check because I really did forget.
Trying to watch The Last Airbender but I can't get over how mad everyone is at this kid for being gone. Everyone's acting like he said fuck this and hid away and not that he got trapped in the ice?
July 27, 2026 at 12:12 AM
Trying to watch The Last Airbender but I can't get over how mad everyone is at this kid for being gone. Everyone's acting like he said fuck this and hid away and not that he got trapped in the ice?
Got to see Hilary Duff last night and it was truly what dreams are made of.
Also, a concert venue with 85% women is just better. Cleaner, nicer, smells like fairy dust. Get your shit together, men.
Also, a concert venue with 85% women is just better. Cleaner, nicer, smells like fairy dust. Get your shit together, men.
July 26, 2026 at 2:58 PM
Got to see Hilary Duff last night and it was truly what dreams are made of.
Also, a concert venue with 85% women is just better. Cleaner, nicer, smells like fairy dust. Get your shit together, men.
Also, a concert venue with 85% women is just better. Cleaner, nicer, smells like fairy dust. Get your shit together, men.
I'm so excited for Eaux Claires. Feels like coming home again.
July 24, 2026 at 4:30 AM
I'm so excited for Eaux Claires. Feels like coming home again.
Reposted
I hope we live in the timeline where Taco Bell sues the US Government.
July 22, 2026 at 11:16 PM
I hope we live in the timeline where Taco Bell sues the US Government.
I will never understand gendering single occupancy bathrooms. I'm the only one in here, who gives a shit what's between my legs? There's not when a urinal someone might not use.
July 22, 2026 at 3:27 PM
I will never understand gendering single occupancy bathrooms. I'm the only one in here, who gives a shit what's between my legs? There's not when a urinal someone might not use.
"His flabbers are fully gasted"
July 19, 2026 at 3:50 AM
"His flabbers are fully gasted"
Reposted
I don’t think AI is the future and I’m 100% basing this on how nobody likes those kitchen trash cans with the powered lids.
July 19, 2026 at 12:10 AM
I don’t think AI is the future and I’m 100% basing this on how nobody likes those kitchen trash cans with the powered lids.
Reposted
once the air quality index goes above 500 you start to see entire bricks floating suspended in the air. it’s pretty cool actually, you can climb on them and stuff
July 16, 2026 at 2:09 AM
once the air quality index goes above 500 you start to see entire bricks floating suspended in the air. it’s pretty cool actually, you can climb on them and stuff
My city is getting smoked like an overpriced bourbon and outside it looks just like it did on the fourth. Why do we voluntarily create a small natural disaster several times a year again?
July 16, 2026 at 4:14 AM
My city is getting smoked like an overpriced bourbon and outside it looks just like it did on the fourth. Why do we voluntarily create a small natural disaster several times a year again?
I'm going to become a millionaire by selling a nutrient snack diet plan.
Breakfast: Protein Pop Tarts
Lunch: Fiber Sun Chips
Dinner: Iron Cookies
Breakfast: Protein Pop Tarts
Lunch: Fiber Sun Chips
Dinner: Iron Cookies
July 15, 2026 at 5:41 AM
I'm going to become a millionaire by selling a nutrient snack diet plan.
Breakfast: Protein Pop Tarts
Lunch: Fiber Sun Chips
Dinner: Iron Cookies
Breakfast: Protein Pop Tarts
Lunch: Fiber Sun Chips
Dinner: Iron Cookies
I admit, I am a tech-hoarder. Will I ever need this old printer cable? Absolutely not, but I'll keep it just in case.
So tell me why I'm struggling to find a USB A wall wart. The thing that came with every mobile device for decades, something I've surely had dozens of, and I can't find one.
So tell me why I'm struggling to find a USB A wall wart. The thing that came with every mobile device for decades, something I've surely had dozens of, and I can't find one.
July 14, 2026 at 2:32 PM
I admit, I am a tech-hoarder. Will I ever need this old printer cable? Absolutely not, but I'll keep it just in case.
So tell me why I'm struggling to find a USB A wall wart. The thing that came with every mobile device for decades, something I've surely had dozens of, and I can't find one.
So tell me why I'm struggling to find a USB A wall wart. The thing that came with every mobile device for decades, something I've surely had dozens of, and I can't find one.
Reposted
Man, fuck summer. All my homies hate summer.
July 11, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Man, fuck summer. All my homies hate summer.
Spent the night digging through old Pokemon cards and playing smash bros. There's nothing better.
July 11, 2026 at 6:36 AM
Spent the night digging through old Pokemon cards and playing smash bros. There's nothing better.
I love getting new hires at my regular coffee shop. I've been here far longer than you, but please tell me all the tips on how things work, I had no idea you'd call my name when my drink was ready at the end of the counter.
June 29, 2026 at 5:49 PM
I love getting new hires at my regular coffee shop. I've been here far longer than you, but please tell me all the tips on how things work, I had no idea you'd call my name when my drink was ready at the end of the counter.
Almost got into a comically slow fender bender with a teenager tonight.
When I gave up on right-away chicken because I didn't want to fill out an insurance form with a 17 year old's parents, I gave him a "what are you doing" look and he gave me a genuine shrug.
Begrudging respect kid.
When I gave up on right-away chicken because I didn't want to fill out an insurance form with a 17 year old's parents, I gave him a "what are you doing" look and he gave me a genuine shrug.
Begrudging respect kid.
June 28, 2026 at 6:32 AM
Almost got into a comically slow fender bender with a teenager tonight.
When I gave up on right-away chicken because I didn't want to fill out an insurance form with a 17 year old's parents, I gave him a "what are you doing" look and he gave me a genuine shrug.
Begrudging respect kid.
When I gave up on right-away chicken because I didn't want to fill out an insurance form with a 17 year old's parents, I gave him a "what are you doing" look and he gave me a genuine shrug.
Begrudging respect kid.
You ever look around and realize your anxiety is completely justified in modern times?
June 28, 2026 at 6:27 AM
You ever look around and realize your anxiety is completely justified in modern times?
How does best buy off all places have one of the worst website and app experiences?
June 27, 2026 at 3:36 AM
How does best buy off all places have one of the worst website and app experiences?