Heavy Plates
@heavyplates.bsky.social
Houston, TX. Formerly of Austin and the bird app. Not as many chefs and bands these days. Still trying to lift heavy shit. Go 'Stros. GenX 🌈 🦄
Reposted by Heavy Plates
Ed Sheeran would one hundred percent hide a zombie bite.
September 15, 2026 at 10:25 PM
Ed Sheeran would one hundred percent hide a zombie bite.
honestly can't think of a better metaphor for modern Austin than this
electrek.co/2026/09/14/t...
electrek.co/2026/09/14/t...
Tesla Cybercab turns 10-minute Austin trip into 70-minute detour
A Tesla Cybercab rider in Austin says a 10-minute trip to the Domain became a 70-minute detour because the robotaxi still can't use highways.
electrek.co
September 16, 2026 at 1:38 AM
honestly can't think of a better metaphor for modern Austin than this
electrek.co/2026/09/14/t...
electrek.co/2026/09/14/t...
Reposted by Heavy Plates
It is astonishing to me how much Robert Kraft & Ed Sheeran fucked this up. What would have easily been yesterday’s news has now become the top entertainment story that just keeps growing.
Good on Aaron Rowe and Finneas for standing on business and telling Kraft and Sheeran to go fuck themselves
Good on Aaron Rowe and Finneas for standing on business and telling Kraft and Sheeran to go fuck themselves
September 15, 2026 at 8:45 PM
It is astonishing to me how much Robert Kraft & Ed Sheeran fucked this up. What would have easily been yesterday’s news has now become the top entertainment story that just keeps growing.
Good on Aaron Rowe and Finneas for standing on business and telling Kraft and Sheeran to go fuck themselves
Good on Aaron Rowe and Finneas for standing on business and telling Kraft and Sheeran to go fuck themselves
Thrilled to see I'm not the only person angry about this even though I'm unlikely to ever go between midnight and 6. But I used to, after the bars closed. Like one does.
Legitimately mad every time I drive by that the House of Pies on Kirby is takeout only from midnight to 6 AM, even though there is less than zero chance I’m gonna be ever eating at the HOP between 12pm and 6 am ever again. I JUST WANT THE OPTION OKAY?
September 15, 2026 at 9:51 PM
Thrilled to see I'm not the only person angry about this even though I'm unlikely to ever go between midnight and 6. But I used to, after the bars closed. Like one does.
What I did for my birthday! This movie is insane and beautiful and glorious and messy and full of feels. Stunning performances. Surreal set design.
All I'm going to say is that if you love movies you need to see Teenage Sex and at Camp Miasma. If you didn't like it, I don't want to hear about it because your opinion is wrong.
September 15, 2026 at 5:09 PM
What I did for my birthday! This movie is insane and beautiful and glorious and messy and full of feels. Stunning performances. Surreal set design.
I just blocked an account that liked my post because it felt suspicious. Quick review found random replies, likes, and posts. No substance or connection to my network of humans. But two, separate, unrelated, one-word replies did it for me:
1️⃣ "scrumptious"
2️⃣ "yummy"
Absolutely fucking not. Nope!
1️⃣ "scrumptious"
2️⃣ "yummy"
Absolutely fucking not. Nope!
September 15, 2026 at 5:04 PM
I just blocked an account that liked my post because it felt suspicious. Quick review found random replies, likes, and posts. No substance or connection to my network of humans. But two, separate, unrelated, one-word replies did it for me:
1️⃣ "scrumptious"
2️⃣ "yummy"
Absolutely fucking not. Nope!
1️⃣ "scrumptious"
2️⃣ "yummy"
Absolutely fucking not. Nope!
Did he just mansplain what a jury trial is???
September 15, 2026 at 2:52 AM
Did he just mansplain what a jury trial is???
Look, I've always known they were cheap. Borderline inflation proof, even.
I didn't know they have a friggin' TARDIS.
I didn't know they have a friggin' TARDIS.
Steak ‘N Shake: we’re making America healthy again!
Little Caesars: people can’t afford shit! Eat these cheese sticks!
Little Caesars: people can’t afford shit! Eat these cheese sticks!
September 15, 2026 at 2:38 AM
Look, I've always known they were cheap. Borderline inflation proof, even.
I didn't know they have a friggin' TARDIS.
I didn't know they have a friggin' TARDIS.
I like BK. I even crave that whole "flame broiled" gimmick. It'll never be the perfection of fresh Filet-O-Fish, but if I happen to be stuck in airport with a BK, yeah sure. Why not? But that way too earnest ad about reinventing their nuggets? No, ma'am. Fuck off.
September 15, 2026 at 2:31 AM
I like BK. I even crave that whole "flame broiled" gimmick. It'll never be the perfection of fresh Filet-O-Fish, but if I happen to be stuck in airport with a BK, yeah sure. Why not? But that way too earnest ad about reinventing their nuggets? No, ma'am. Fuck off.
Whalefall!? Because the current timeline isn't frightening enough? No thank you.
September 15, 2026 at 2:28 AM
Whalefall!? Because the current timeline isn't frightening enough? No thank you.
Bwahahahahahaha
"your event has ended" LIKE HELL IT HAS
September 15, 2026 at 2:24 AM
Bwahahahahahaha
Live! From Missouri!
September 15, 2026 at 2:22 AM
Live! From Missouri!
Ok I wish there were an actual fitness studio/class thingy that was the Celly Studio because that looks fun as shit.
September 15, 2026 at 2:13 AM
Ok I wish there were an actual fitness studio/class thingy that was the Celly Studio because that looks fun as shit.
I'm sorry, what? That's an insane kcal/$ ratio.
September 15, 2026 at 2:03 AM
I'm sorry, what? That's an insane kcal/$ ratio.
That Little Caesars ad with Jared Goff has now made me crave their Detroit-Style Slices-N-Stix.
September 15, 2026 at 1:57 AM
That Little Caesars ad with Jared Goff has now made me crave their Detroit-Style Slices-N-Stix.
POK POK PO CHICKEN SLIDERS at Kitchen Rumors on the Happy Hour Menu are the best chicken sandwiches in Houston.
September 15, 2026 at 1:09 AM
POK POK PO CHICKEN SLIDERS at Kitchen Rumors on the Happy Hour Menu are the best chicken sandwiches in Houston.
Reposted by Heavy Plates
Yeah ask the Dixie Chicks about that unity
They made a joke about Bush and got their lives threatened and their careers ruined.
Unity. Pfffftt.
I was called an America hating terrorist sympathizer for writing articles saying torturing people was wrong and Bush was lying about Iraq’s WMDs
They made a joke about Bush and got their lives threatened and their careers ruined.
Unity. Pfffftt.
I was called an America hating terrorist sympathizer for writing articles saying torturing people was wrong and Bush was lying about Iraq’s WMDs
September 13, 2026 at 5:16 AM
Yeah ask the Dixie Chicks about that unity
They made a joke about Bush and got their lives threatened and their careers ruined.
Unity. Pfffftt.
I was called an America hating terrorist sympathizer for writing articles saying torturing people was wrong and Bush was lying about Iraq’s WMDs
They made a joke about Bush and got their lives threatened and their careers ruined.
Unity. Pfffftt.
I was called an America hating terrorist sympathizer for writing articles saying torturing people was wrong and Bush was lying about Iraq’s WMDs
Oh witaf? I was unaware (but not surprised I guess) that people didn't know we hated on him 24/7. Not so much my high school years, but certainly my early 20s.
September 13, 2026 at 4:28 AM
Oh witaf? I was unaware (but not surprised I guess) that people didn't know we hated on him 24/7. Not so much my high school years, but certainly my early 20s.
This game really makes me want some Purpleberry Crunch. I'd fuck up an entire box about now.
September 13, 2026 at 3:36 AM
This game really makes me want some Purpleberry Crunch. I'd fuck up an entire box about now.
September 12, 2026 at 12:54 AM
fuck off with these Paxton ads, please, for the love of god, stfu
September 11, 2026 at 11:56 PM
fuck off with these Paxton ads, please, for the love of god, stfu
Friends. My heart skipped all the beats as I was scrolling and saw just the tip. I might have lost it otherwise.
September 10, 2026 at 4:20 AM
Friends. My heart skipped all the beats as I was scrolling and saw just the tip. I might have lost it otherwise.
September 10, 2026 at 3:34 AM
I'm certain this point has already been made countless times, but…
None of these fuckers watched the first Terminator film!!?
None of these fuckers watched the first Terminator film!!?
September 10, 2026 at 2:52 AM
I'm certain this point has already been made countless times, but…
None of these fuckers watched the first Terminator film!!?
None of these fuckers watched the first Terminator film!!?
Reposted by Heavy Plates
GOP Event Coordinator: You get that pic of Hasan Piker to put on the Jumbotron tonight?
Employee: Sure thing boss, real sexy just like you asked.
Coordinator: what?
Employee: Sure thing boss, real sexy just like you asked.
Coordinator: what?
September 10, 2026 at 12:46 AM
GOP Event Coordinator: You get that pic of Hasan Piker to put on the Jumbotron tonight?
Employee: Sure thing boss, real sexy just like you asked.
Coordinator: what?
Employee: Sure thing boss, real sexy just like you asked.
Coordinator: what?