what's interesting is this is exactly why i had to say what i said cause I said it and now im doing the EXACT thing im trying to unlearn.

me when im honest instead of bottling everything and just living with it all and that makes me wanna throw up a lot

i wanna be a better friend and person but i can't even be good to myself and it's making me hurt people and ignore people but it's not from lack of love but ik that sounds like a shitty excuse to them because it IS shitty but i don't know how to stop anymore. i don't know how to live anymore.

ik things can't come easy ever but i wish they'd come at all. to be met with nos is better than to be met with silence. i feel completely invisible and ignored and unwanted and i would frankly much rather feel rejected so ik which doors to not go knocking on again and again

when did life get so extremely shit all the time.

and i can't voice it because look she has it worse stop crying stop complaining stop being upset fix your face do everything for everyone else they come first you matter too but we aren't going to prioritize you and we're gonna make u feel like shit for trying to do it yourself