Rabidmonkey
@rabidmonkey.bsky.social
Has everyone seen the new cat? You need to see the new cat. It's adorable (and tiny)!
September 18, 2026 at 5:56 AM
Has everyone seen the new cat? You need to see the new cat. It's adorable (and tiny)!
Reposted by Rabidmonkey
😢 Dolly was the best of us
August 25, 2026 at 6:46 PM
😢 Dolly was the best of us
Dear colonoscopy prep drugs,
Please stop. Your job is over. I would like to keep some of my new food for a minute.
Please stop. Your job is over. I would like to keep some of my new food for a minute.
August 25, 2026 at 2:10 AM
Dear colonoscopy prep drugs,
Please stop. Your job is over. I would like to keep some of my new food for a minute.
Please stop. Your job is over. I would like to keep some of my new food for a minute.
Why does shipt ask if it's okay to deliver your order early? You know, considering if you say "no" they still do it?
Hope my frozen food that sat on my doorstep for an hour before I woke up is okay.
Hope my frozen food that sat on my doorstep for an hour before I woke up is okay.
August 22, 2026 at 4:08 PM
Why does shipt ask if it's okay to deliver your order early? You know, considering if you say "no" they still do it?
Hope my frozen food that sat on my doorstep for an hour before I woke up is okay.
Hope my frozen food that sat on my doorstep for an hour before I woke up is okay.
Instead of actually emptying my ashtray and taking the trash to the dumpster before leaving the apartment for several hours, I just moved the ashtray to a location where she certainly couldn't get to it with her mobility issues (on the ground, under a little table at the far edge of the patio.)
August 17, 2026 at 10:24 PM
Instead of actually emptying my ashtray and taking the trash to the dumpster before leaving the apartment for several hours, I just moved the ashtray to a location where she certainly couldn't get to it with her mobility issues (on the ground, under a little table at the far edge of the patio.)
Dear telemarketers,
Please learn when to hang up. Stop leaving me short, silent voicemails.
Please learn when to hang up. Stop leaving me short, silent voicemails.
July 18, 2026 at 2:19 AM
Dear telemarketers,
Please learn when to hang up. Stop leaving me short, silent voicemails.
Please learn when to hang up. Stop leaving me short, silent voicemails.
I don't recognize the language my lyft driver's navigation system is talking in. This is a first.
July 14, 2026 at 8:00 PM
I don't recognize the language my lyft driver's navigation system is talking in. This is a first.
Ketchup. The answer is definitely ketchup.
But also broccoli, mayo, avocado, bananas, walnuts, and iceberg lettuce.
But also broccoli, mayo, avocado, bananas, walnuts, and iceberg lettuce.
What’s the most widely enjoyed food that you can’t stand, not because of allergies or anything but just because you hate it?
June 16, 2026 at 11:14 PM
Ketchup. The answer is definitely ketchup.
But also broccoli, mayo, avocado, bananas, walnuts, and iceberg lettuce.
But also broccoli, mayo, avocado, bananas, walnuts, and iceberg lettuce.
Free snacks in breakroom today and I made a discovery. If you squeeze cinnamon applesauce on apple chips, it's really good.
June 14, 2026 at 11:19 PM
Free snacks in breakroom today and I made a discovery. If you squeeze cinnamon applesauce on apple chips, it's really good.
At pride right now.
Pros:
- Seeing lots of middle-aged dyke couples wandering around.
- The amazing gyro I just ate. Getting tzatziki on my shorts was worth it.
- Knowing that the church I would have probably been taken to as a child if my mother had still been religious by then is a sponsor.
Pros:
- Seeing lots of middle-aged dyke couples wandering around.
- The amazing gyro I just ate. Getting tzatziki on my shorts was worth it.
- Knowing that the church I would have probably been taken to as a child if my mother had still been religious by then is a sponsor.
June 6, 2026 at 6:53 PM
At pride right now.
Pros:
- Seeing lots of middle-aged dyke couples wandering around.
- The amazing gyro I just ate. Getting tzatziki on my shorts was worth it.
- Knowing that the church I would have probably been taken to as a child if my mother had still been religious by then is a sponsor.
Pros:
- Seeing lots of middle-aged dyke couples wandering around.
- The amazing gyro I just ate. Getting tzatziki on my shorts was worth it.
- Knowing that the church I would have probably been taken to as a child if my mother had still been religious by then is a sponsor.
If I say these are for people with multiple 'tisms, does the joke land? Or is the wordplay too clunky?
June 3, 2026 at 11:32 PM
If I say these are for people with multiple 'tisms, does the joke land? Or is the wordplay too clunky?
The lily got excited about June. It had one bloom Saturday and 2 yesterday, but today it's a full dozen.
June 1, 2026 at 11:13 PM
The lily got excited about June. It had one bloom Saturday and 2 yesterday, but today it's a full dozen.
Mothers of the world (or at least this store),
I know you are scared of stranger danger, but at some point you need to cut the cord and let your sons use the men's restroom by themselves. When he clearly needs to shave, he's old enough.
I know you are scared of stranger danger, but at some point you need to cut the cord and let your sons use the men's restroom by themselves. When he clearly needs to shave, he's old enough.
May 23, 2026 at 11:33 PM
Mothers of the world (or at least this store),
I know you are scared of stranger danger, but at some point you need to cut the cord and let your sons use the men's restroom by themselves. When he clearly needs to shave, he's old enough.
I know you are scared of stranger danger, but at some point you need to cut the cord and let your sons use the men's restroom by themselves. When he clearly needs to shave, he's old enough.
Task Paralysis Rangoon
Rejection Sensitive French Toast
Low Libido Beef Burrito
May 5, 2026 at 9:22 AM
Task Paralysis Rangoon
We had ducks at work today.
March 23, 2026 at 5:01 AM
We had ducks at work today.
Who has 2 thumbs and seems to be getting a cold/sinus infection? *exasperated sign*
March 11, 2026 at 7:21 AM
Who has 2 thumbs and seems to be getting a cold/sinus infection? *exasperated sign*
And we've reached the point in the weird cycle where I'm allergic to my own pants again. Oh, joy.
February 27, 2026 at 5:58 AM
And we've reached the point in the weird cycle where I'm allergic to my own pants again. Oh, joy.
Thing I just said to my mother: I feel like biathalon is the one olympic sport I could do. I wouldn't win, but I wouldn't die or require medical attention, unlike bobsled, figure skating, or snowboard.
February 19, 2026 at 5:33 AM
Thing I just said to my mother: I feel like biathalon is the one olympic sport I could do. I wouldn't win, but I wouldn't die or require medical attention, unlike bobsled, figure skating, or snowboard.
Age verification?
I voted for Al Gore.
I voted for Al Gore.
Age verification?
in my freshman year of college, I was part of my campus's Harlem Shake video
in my freshman year of college, I was part of my campus's Harlem Shake video
Age verification?
During the Barbie/Gem Wars I sided with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
During the Barbie/Gem Wars I sided with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
February 11, 2026 at 6:03 AM
Age verification?
I voted for Al Gore.
I voted for Al Gore.
When they mention that an Olympic athlete is dating another Olympian who does a completely different sport (in this case a speed skater and a hockey player) I can't help but wonder if they met at a previous Olympics or if there's some training overlap that brought them together.
February 9, 2026 at 6:36 PM
When they mention that an Olympic athlete is dating another Olympian who does a completely different sport (in this case a speed skater and a hockey player) I can't help but wonder if they met at a previous Olympics or if there's some training overlap that brought them together.
Is it wrong that I'm tempted to not tip rideshare drivers who're driving a tesla? (I did tip him)
February 3, 2026 at 5:25 AM
Is it wrong that I'm tempted to not tip rideshare drivers who're driving a tesla? (I did tip him)
Last week I bought a phone case and some other stuff off amazon. Instead of next day shipping I opted for getting it Saturday in exchange for a $5 credit to buy/rent movies on prime.
Unfortunately I wasn't think about the fact that Saturday was the day the snow was going to start.
Unfortunately I wasn't think about the fact that Saturday was the day the snow was going to start.
January 31, 2026 at 5:47 PM
Last week I bought a phone case and some other stuff off amazon. Instead of next day shipping I opted for getting it Saturday in exchange for a $5 credit to buy/rent movies on prime.
Unfortunately I wasn't think about the fact that Saturday was the day the snow was going to start.
Unfortunately I wasn't think about the fact that Saturday was the day the snow was going to start.
Testing something for @lovekaelyn.bsky.social
January 22, 2026 at 5:34 AM
Testing something for @lovekaelyn.bsky.social
Stolen from Kaelyn
January 15, 2026 at 5:45 PM
Stolen from Kaelyn
Introduce yourself by what almost killed you:
Hi. I'm approximately 5 feet of motel pool (shaped like a bird) water.
Or, I'm the younger sibling impulse to follow my older (and much taller) brother without thinking.
Hi. I'm approximately 5 feet of motel pool (shaped like a bird) water.
Or, I'm the younger sibling impulse to follow my older (and much taller) brother without thinking.
introduce yourself by what almost killed you:
NSFW AND TMI/TMI-ish WARNING. Don't wanna see that? LOOK AWAY NOW.
hi! i'm giving a woman head until she 💦 and immediately going into anaphylaxis as she'd eaten something I am deathly allergic to a day or two prior, without informing me.
NSFW AND TMI/TMI-ish WARNING. Don't wanna see that? LOOK AWAY NOW.
hi! i'm giving a woman head until she 💦 and immediately going into anaphylaxis as she'd eaten something I am deathly allergic to a day or two prior, without informing me.
introduce yourself by what almost killed you:
hi! i'm a 2X4 being hurled through the air.
hi! i'm a 2X4 being hurled through the air.
January 4, 2026 at 6:26 AM
Introduce yourself by what almost killed you:
Hi. I'm approximately 5 feet of motel pool (shaped like a bird) water.
Or, I'm the younger sibling impulse to follow my older (and much taller) brother without thinking.
Hi. I'm approximately 5 feet of motel pool (shaped like a bird) water.
Or, I'm the younger sibling impulse to follow my older (and much taller) brother without thinking.