My new Saturday afternoon detention initiative has been created to target those who are repeatedly caught breaking our la- rules. Attending this afternoon’s session are Kendall (of course), Trevor Cleaver, Terrence Ratcliffe and Veronica Birtles. Waste my time and I’ll waste yours! #grangehill

Today I forced the Boy Kendall to have an hour’s silence in class in memory of Esther Rantzen. For the amount of times he has claimed to have rung Childline about me, it’s the least she deserves. #tribute #grangehill #80s

Urgh! Nearly the end of the day. Mother has her knitting circle round tonight so I need to find a few saps lurking the corridors who I can put in after-school detention to avoid making teas for those old crones at home. Kennnnnndaaaalllllllllll!

A post it note was left on my classroom desk from a ‘Pete Zhaut’ with a number enquiring about my car for sale. After calling it several times I ended up in a row with the manager of our local branch of the American takeaway giant. I know who is responsible and they will be punished! Young Kendall!

Those requiring fruit for tomorrow’s sexual education lesson can get a discount at Bulmore’s Greengrocer by quoting the word ‘flaccid’ when paying for your items. The school would like to thank Mr Bulmore for his support. #grangehill #flaccid

A full class for detention tonight. All for calling me Charlie. You may think you can’t be heard, but I hear EVERYTHING! #discipline #teaching #grangehill