Dragonair

I don't really plan on full on returning to this website as it's nothing but bad for my mental health but might add to this every now and then. So enjoy I suppose.

There are so many people that I geniuely wonder if they hate me

I know I have vented alot on here but I am serious when I say this.. I don't know if I want to be alive or if others want me alive or if by me being here I'm just hurting people by existing.. let it be known I tried.. I tried being ok but I can't lie to myself anymore.

I have constant tears in my eyes and I don't want be like this but the world keeps pinching me down more and more and I can't keep getting back up.. I can't.. Everytime something good happens to me it's followed up by what feels like a stab to my back. And to be honest I can't take it..much longer

I don't know what to do other than try to reach out for help but I just feel like a burden to everyone..because I'm taking meds , I'm seeing a new therapist but nothing is helping me ,, and reality has made me feel like I am beyond help,, I feel like I would make everyone's life's betterby beinggone

My sleep schedule is fucked I either get so tired I pass out or I don't sleep at all. I can't draw because it gives me too much trauma , games at best are a temporary fix. I feel so fucking broken that I can't do anything right,, I'm so tired of feeling useless and like I don't matter,,

I have tried,, I have tried so badly to be better,, but it's not working it's not,, I feel like I have received so much trauma and yet I didn't do anything wrong which has only made me blame myself more and with everything happening it just seems I am right to think this way,,

It's too much,, it's way too much for my brain to take it's too much I can't do it ,, I can't stop crying.. I'm trying find happiness but I keep realizing there isnt any left for me.. I feel hopeless and unwanted..ignored,, I hate this so much,, I feel like I am gonna explode and no one would care,,

I keep hoping one day I will just wake up and be happy but legitimately how? How am I meant to be happy when all I can do is take into the void. Take meds that barley work and talk to a therapist which I feel so traumatized from the last one it's hard to open back up..

No one will care about me anymore? That the people I cared about most in the world are just gone... Like what do I even do .. I can't stop breaking down and feeling utterly useless. Nothing is getting better if anything it's getting worse. And I feel like I am out of options on what to do.

Even happen. What else does the world wanna take from me.legitmately,, why in the matter of a year did my life go from hopeful to utter shit. What did I even do wrong.. to deserve any of this. I keep waking up and wondering what was the point. So I could go to work and be miserable? So I can realize

Nothing I do will ever leave an impact,, my drawings eh who cares others can do it better, I certainly didn't save anyone's life either,, feels like if anything I just make everyone's life's worst by just existing.. now I am fucking basically immobilize because of my foot.. geniuely what else could

I feel like I have given it everything I have and all that happens is I get more burned more hurt . Physically and mentally I'm suffering. I'm suffering so badly I want to scream. I keep asking myself who cares if I suddenly just stop messaging everyone.. probably no one,I'm sorry to burden everyone

I don't even know if my friends take me seriously anymore,, I just want to be happy,, I wanna know that I matter in someone's life,, I don't wanna be left alone in my thoughts,, but I don't know what else to do and I'm scared.. because the question in my head constantly is doesanything matteranymore

Everything. I can't focus on anything. I can't draw without crying, I can't play video games without having a breakdown . I can barely talk to my friends the few who actually try talking to me. I don't know how much more I can take legitimately. Meds aren't helping,, therapy I have no idea,,

Did I do deserve what my life is now. What the actual fuck did I do wrong to deserve any of this ,, I don't get it,, hasn't my life taken enough away from me already. Does the world want me dead. I don't understand any of this,, and it hurts everything hurts so much. It's not just one thing it's