Pinned
russell
@russbhere.bsky.social
· Nov 18
me: i know you are but what am i
police officer, now under arrest: shit
police officer, now under arrest: shit
Reposted by russell
Terrifying if literal: dream job
July 27, 2026 at 9:34 PM
Terrifying if literal: dream job
this bottle has two modes:
1- zero ketchup
2- fire hose
1- zero ketchup
2- fire hose
July 27, 2026 at 6:46 PM
this bottle has two modes:
1- zero ketchup
2- fire hose
1- zero ketchup
2- fire hose
Reposted by russell
If Lady Gaga joined the Goo Goo Dolls they’d be the Goo Goo Gaga’s
March 18, 2025 at 9:25 PM
If Lady Gaga joined the Goo Goo Dolls they’d be the Goo Goo Gaga’s
Reposted by russell
this antacid isn’t working I am still trippin balls
July 19, 2026 at 12:56 AM
this antacid isn’t working I am still trippin balls
if rock, paper and scissors teamed up they would be unstoppable
July 17, 2026 at 12:16 AM
if rock, paper and scissors teamed up they would be unstoppable
got my lab results back and turns out i’m deficient in vitamin d and will to live
July 16, 2026 at 1:25 AM
got my lab results back and turns out i’m deficient in vitamin d and will to live
Reposted by russell
Trying to teach this spiral ham to go down the stairs like a slinky
April 20, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Trying to teach this spiral ham to go down the stairs like a slinky
Reposted by russell
Prescription-strength back scratches
July 4, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Prescription-strength back scratches
Reposted by russell
Pearl Jam puns? It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than that.
June 29, 2026 at 5:28 PM
Pearl Jam puns? It doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than that.
Reposted by russell
being hunted by the beautiful genius killer
July 13, 2026 at 7:55 PM
being hunted by the beautiful genius killer
Reposted by russell
here's a couple of gnomes hiding behind a fence
July 13, 2026 at 4:52 PM
here's a couple of gnomes hiding behind a fence
pulled a hamstring during sex. i’m officially unc
July 13, 2026 at 4:58 PM
pulled a hamstring during sex. i’m officially unc
i used to ponder the thought “what if arrangements were edible” and then like a bolt of fucking lightning
July 12, 2026 at 11:26 PM
i used to ponder the thought “what if arrangements were edible” and then like a bolt of fucking lightning
Reposted by russell
More animals should be bumble, not just bees
July 11, 2026 at 11:11 PM
More animals should be bumble, not just bees
Reposted by russell
everywhere i go people my age are getting old and it’s killing the vibe
July 11, 2026 at 4:00 PM
everywhere i go people my age are getting old and it’s killing the vibe
Reposted by russell
The noise you make when you get into the bath is just demons fleeing your body
May 31, 2025 at 2:46 PM
The noise you make when you get into the bath is just demons fleeing your body
Reposted by russell
it’s like, i want the country road to take me home and i’d love to be in a place where i belong, but is that really west virginia?
February 27, 2025 at 7:04 PM
it’s like, i want the country road to take me home and i’d love to be in a place where i belong, but is that really west virginia?
Reposted by russell
please be patient with me, i wasn’t listening
July 10, 2026 at 1:14 PM
please be patient with me, i wasn’t listening
“yeah but at what cost”
—me anytime someone says something positive
—me anytime someone says something positive
July 10, 2026 at 10:09 PM
“yeah but at what cost”
—me anytime someone says something positive
—me anytime someone says something positive
Reposted by russell
Mispronouncing the number after 39 is my forte.
July 8, 2026 at 8:09 AM
Mispronouncing the number after 39 is my forte.
Reposted by russell
me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander
petting zoo employee: please put the goose down
petting zoo employee: please put the goose down
January 8, 2025 at 12:07 AM
me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander
petting zoo employee: please put the goose down
petting zoo employee: please put the goose down
Reposted by russell
Well, we may have lost but at least we look like we cheated
July 7, 2026 at 5:42 AM
Well, we may have lost but at least we look like we cheated
Reposted by russell
me waiting patiently to tell the flight attendant which little snack I want
July 7, 2026 at 1:10 AM
me waiting patiently to tell the flight attendant which little snack I want
sorry can’t. pretending to care about soccer tonight
July 7, 2026 at 12:48 AM
sorry can’t. pretending to care about soccer tonight
Reposted by russell
does anyone know how to log off
July 6, 2026 at 7:39 PM
does anyone know how to log off