Pinned
Sam Handwich
@samhandwitch.bsky.social
· Jan 18
I’m going to use this thread to store the tweet phrases that keep banging around in my head
girl are u a donkey cuz that ass is BRAYING
September 16, 2026 at 5:57 PM
girl are u a donkey cuz that ass is BRAYING
my autistic dog’s special interest is ball
September 14, 2026 at 8:06 PM
my autistic dog’s special interest is ball
*decemberists sea shanty*
we were sub mariners 🎶
there were no survivors 🎶
we were sub mariners 🎶
there were no survivors 🎶
14 Sept 1914 // Submarine HMAS AE.1 disappeared while operating in support of the Australian occupation of German New Guinea. She was sighted at about 2:30pm on 14 September in her patrol area off the Duke of York Islands, and was not seen again. A search took place but no trace of her was found.
September 14, 2026 at 12:46 PM
*decemberists sea shanty*
we were sub mariners 🎶
there were no survivors 🎶
we were sub mariners 🎶
there were no survivors 🎶
Reposted by Sam Handwich
The Houthi-aligned Bani Hashish tribes are massing in preparation to “liberate” the remaining Yemeni territory outside Houthi control. It’s a sea of Toyotas with mounted machine guns. I think this is what we should mean when we say Toyotathon from now on.
September 13, 2026 at 8:28 PM
The Houthi-aligned Bani Hashish tribes are massing in preparation to “liberate” the remaining Yemeni territory outside Houthi control. It’s a sea of Toyotas with mounted machine guns. I think this is what we should mean when we say Toyotathon from now on.
mountain dew Baháʼí blast
September 13, 2026 at 5:35 PM
mountain dew Baháʼí blast
Reposted by Sam Handwich
Me and the homies trading "hell yeah"s back and forth
November 16, 2024 at 8:36 PM
Me and the homies trading "hell yeah"s back and forth
the first color baby predators can see is infrared
September 12, 2026 at 4:50 PM
the first color baby predators can see is infrared
Reposted by Sam Handwich
dreamt about a soup called "cream of comfort"
September 11, 2026 at 2:07 PM
dreamt about a soup called "cream of comfort"
when 9/11 happened i was eating toast at home before school. one of my parents called and told me “they’re attacking us with planes”
September 11, 2026 at 2:01 PM
when 9/11 happened i was eating toast at home before school. one of my parents called and told me “they’re attacking us with planes”
they made a website just for you
Clownopedia
Welcome to Clownopedia, where everything's all about clowns. As a community we at Clownopedia value our contributors and have managed to build a sizable following, however as with all communities ther...
clownopedia.fandom.com
September 10, 2026 at 6:56 PM
they made a website just for you
Reposted by Sam Handwich
the girl from the ring would go so hard
September 8, 2026 at 10:34 PM
the girl from the ring would go so hard
oh so it’s illegal to dress up like ninjas with friends now
September 8, 2026 at 11:31 AM
oh so it’s illegal to dress up like ninjas with friends now
Reposted by Sam Handwich
snapping the neck of the one disturbingly-large sperm that wriggles wetly from my penis after orgasm
September 7, 2026 at 2:50 AM
snapping the neck of the one disturbingly-large sperm that wriggles wetly from my penis after orgasm
renaming the entire US of A, and every geographic feature therein, to New America. Welcome to the New America in New America, New America, New America.
September 7, 2026 at 4:58 PM
renaming the entire US of A, and every geographic feature therein, to New America. Welcome to the New America in New America, New America, New America.
TREE! LAW! TREE! LAW! TREE! LAW!
OMG did yall know that man in the White House is changing East Potomac Park (including Hains Point) into a “championship golf course”?! They’ve already started cutting down the trees. And some of the cherry blossom trees that are only found one place on earth, DC.
September 7, 2026 at 4:52 PM
TREE! LAW! TREE! LAW! TREE! LAW!
Reposted by Sam Handwich
Ear doctor: Don’t use Q-Tips
Me already imagining putting a screw driver I found in the driveway in my ear when I get home: I womt
Me already imagining putting a screw driver I found in the driveway in my ear when I get home: I womt
March 6, 2026 at 12:50 AM
Ear doctor: Don’t use Q-Tips
Me already imagining putting a screw driver I found in the driveway in my ear when I get home: I womt
Me already imagining putting a screw driver I found in the driveway in my ear when I get home: I womt
Reposted by Sam Handwich
found this in the top posts and it succeeds in being very funny while also inducing a borderline homicidal rage
September 4, 2026 at 4:53 AM
found this in the top posts and it succeeds in being very funny while also inducing a borderline homicidal rage
Reposted by Sam Handwich
It's the i of the tiger
It's the t of the fight
It's the ls in the challenge of our rival
It's the u in survivor and the n of the night
And the c in the watching us all
T in tiger
It's the t of the fight
It's the ls in the challenge of our rival
It's the u in survivor and the n of the night
And the c in the watching us all
T in tiger
September 4, 2026 at 6:41 AM
It's the i of the tiger
It's the t of the fight
It's the ls in the challenge of our rival
It's the u in survivor and the n of the night
And the c in the watching us all
T in tiger
It's the t of the fight
It's the ls in the challenge of our rival
It's the u in survivor and the n of the night
And the c in the watching us all
T in tiger
the C PreProcessor did 9/11, too
John Fetterman claims backlash to data centers is "driven by the CPP" and says Trump is right about them
September 3, 2026 at 10:36 PM
the C PreProcessor did 9/11, too
Reposted by Sam Handwich
anyway if we're sharing 9/11 kitsch in advance of the anniversary, here's my favorite
September 3, 2026 at 6:04 PM
anyway if we're sharing 9/11 kitsch in advance of the anniversary, here's my favorite
one of the worst dogpilers, completely immune to learning or nuance: oh so i’m being targeted for my annoying behavior
September 2, 2026 at 10:50 PM
one of the worst dogpilers, completely immune to learning or nuance: oh so i’m being targeted for my annoying behavior
chapelle roan frantically ordering takeout from 50 restaurants looking for new hooks
September 2, 2026 at 11:52 AM
chapelle roan frantically ordering takeout from 50 restaurants looking for new hooks
Reposted by Sam Handwich
(AI New Yorker): Hello—I'm not just here, I'm walking
August 18, 2026 at 3:52 AM
(AI New Yorker): Hello—I'm not just here, I'm walking
usps gon give it to ya, they gon deliver to ya
September 1, 2026 at 12:00 PM
usps gon give it to ya, they gon deliver to ya