@satanicjetski.bsky.social
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I get home late, dead tired, and see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - and I'm like, nope, I will deal with THIS in the morning
September 15, 2026 at 10:26 PM
I get home late, dead tired, and see my name in big, bloody letters on the bedroom wall - and I'm like, nope, I will deal with THIS in the morning
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bebé has mastered a sarcastic “wow”
September 16, 2026 at 12:41 AM
bebé has mastered a sarcastic “wow”
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idk if i have another tuesday in me
September 8, 2026 at 1:23 AM
idk if i have another tuesday in me
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You can kiss yourself in the mirror, but only on the lips.
June 25, 2026 at 5:36 PM
You can kiss yourself in the mirror, but only on the lips.
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i will not chase my dreams. last night i was a raviolo running from a cartel. they called me ravioli but I was just one. no thanks
January 26, 2025 at 1:21 PM
i will not chase my dreams. last night i was a raviolo running from a cartel. they called me ravioli but I was just one. no thanks
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Permission to read some of my poetry aloud, your honor
July 7, 2026 at 4:18 AM
Permission to read some of my poetry aloud, your honor
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Just spoke to Mitch McConnell. He said to keep roasting him
July 8, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Just spoke to Mitch McConnell. He said to keep roasting him
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Movie flashbacks were better when they showed the calendar flipping backwards
July 9, 2026 at 5:35 AM
Movie flashbacks were better when they showed the calendar flipping backwards
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Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off
February 13, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off
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You swear you’re a virgin? Ok, this is gonna sound a little crazy but we need to throw you in the volcano
July 15, 2026 at 2:57 PM
You swear you’re a virgin? Ok, this is gonna sound a little crazy but we need to throw you in the volcano
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The only “threesome” I’m interested in is The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
July 17, 2026 at 3:25 AM
The only “threesome” I’m interested in is The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
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[watching Silence of the Lambs with my gf] I would never treat you that way
July 22, 2026 at 4:25 AM
[watching Silence of the Lambs with my gf] I would never treat you that way
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So so so denke ich mir immer (
November 21, 2025 at 10:33 PM
So so so denke ich mir immer (
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Die öffnungszeiten von diesem account an Silvester
31.12: 09:15-11:30
31.12: 15:00-17:00
1.1.: 0:17-0:24
1.1.: 10:30-14:30
31.12: 09:15-11:30
31.12: 15:00-17:00
1.1.: 0:17-0:24
1.1.: 10:30-14:30
December 30, 2025 at 10:11 PM
Die öffnungszeiten von diesem account an Silvester
31.12: 09:15-11:30
31.12: 15:00-17:00
1.1.: 0:17-0:24
1.1.: 10:30-14:30
31.12: 09:15-11:30
31.12: 15:00-17:00
1.1.: 0:17-0:24
1.1.: 10:30-14:30
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Your honor my client loves crime
January 6, 2026 at 4:29 PM
Your honor my client loves crime
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The priest at my snake church said science is a myth
December 21, 2025 at 2:46 AM
The priest at my snake church said science is a myth
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[yelling over club music] I said the human experiment has been a failure
December 21, 2024 at 4:16 AM
[yelling over club music] I said the human experiment has been a failure
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(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times i have eaten) these memories are so good... might as well salivate. it's my choice.
June 13, 2023 at 9:15 AM
(a bell rings, reminding me of previous times i have eaten) these memories are so good... might as well salivate. it's my choice.
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2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
January 1, 2026 at 4:45 AM
2026 could be great. We simply don't know.
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The hairdresser holds up the mirror so I can see the back of my haircut but she accidentally uses the mirror that reveals how you die. I see my 80-year-old self tumbling down a hill after slacklining for the 1st time. I never know how to react in these situations, so I just mumble "wow I love it"
January 5, 2026 at 7:22 PM
The hairdresser holds up the mirror so I can see the back of my haircut but she accidentally uses the mirror that reveals how you die. I see my 80-year-old self tumbling down a hill after slacklining for the 1st time. I never know how to react in these situations, so I just mumble "wow I love it"
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hitting the weed pen and typing "people being nice to each other" into the youtube search bar
January 6, 2026 at 2:13 AM
hitting the weed pen and typing "people being nice to each other" into the youtube search bar
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realistic people: period products should be free for students
men in their 50s: if girls get free tampons, my 21 year old son Brandon shouldn't have to pay for nunchuck lessons
men in their 50s: if girls get free tampons, my 21 year old son Brandon shouldn't have to pay for nunchuck lessons
August 6, 2023 at 7:04 AM
realistic people: period products should be free for students
men in their 50s: if girls get free tampons, my 21 year old son Brandon shouldn't have to pay for nunchuck lessons
men in their 50s: if girls get free tampons, my 21 year old son Brandon shouldn't have to pay for nunchuck lessons
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you can't even conjure the devil anymore because of woke
December 22, 2025 at 4:09 PM
you can't even conjure the devil anymore because of woke
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Everyone at work is mad at me because I conjured The Devil
December 22, 2025 at 4:01 PM
Everyone at work is mad at me because I conjured The Devil