The 5-year-old demanded the rest of us do chores while claiming he didn’t have to because he’s the boss. So we got to give an impromptu lesson on labor for Labor Day.
September 7, 2026 at 11:39 PM
The 5-year-old demanded the rest of us do chores while claiming he didn’t have to because he’s the boss. So we got to give an impromptu lesson on labor for Labor Day.
Anne Hathaway and Natalie Portman out here reminding me I’m not in the clear yet
September 5, 2026 at 7:22 PM
Anne Hathaway and Natalie Portman out here reminding me I’m not in the clear yet
Just an average day, explaining the phrase “snitches get stitches” to my 4- and 5-year-olds
August 31, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Just an average day, explaining the phrase “snitches get stitches” to my 4- and 5-year-olds
Yesterday it was “wrong 80-year-old.” Today it’s “wrong 80-year-old” and “wrong Home Alone 2 cast member.” Maybe, just maybe we will hit the target tomorrow.
August 26, 2026 at 4:09 PM
Yesterday it was “wrong 80-year-old.” Today it’s “wrong 80-year-old” and “wrong Home Alone 2 cast member.” Maybe, just maybe we will hit the target tomorrow.
Reposted by Allie
as a big boobs and good morals haver i think i speak for all if us when i say we will miss our leader
August 25, 2026 at 7:23 PM
as a big boobs and good morals haver i think i speak for all if us when i say we will miss our leader
Some of you nerds really know The Odyssey
July 18, 2026 at 8:08 PM
Some of you nerds really know The Odyssey
The 90s sounded like “Praise You” by Fatboy Slim.
May 29, 2026 at 12:29 AM
The 90s sounded like “Praise You” by Fatboy Slim.
My great-grandmother’s brother died of the flu on the ship on the way overseas.
Is someone going to tell him that the flu killed more US troops in WWI than any battle did (and that war had chemical weapons so horrific that they were banned afterwards)?
Breaking news: The military will no longer require U.S. troops to receive the annual flu vaccine, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said, rolling back what he described as “overreaching mandates that only weaken our war-fighting capabilities.” https://wapo.st/4eAG2sx
April 21, 2026 at 6:58 PM
My great-grandmother’s brother died of the flu on the ship on the way overseas.
Wait until they find out about breakfast salad
Soup, it’s what’s for breakfast
Soup, it’s what’s for breakfast
www.denverpost.com
March 10, 2026 at 5:38 PM
Wait until they find out about breakfast salad
In my state government job, we cannot use taxpayer dollars to purchase tissues for staff to use during cold and flu season.
And the pigs keep gobbling.
Pete Hegseth Blew Billions on Fruit Basket Stands, Chairs, and Crab newrepublic.com/post/207555/... via @newrepublic.com
Pete Hegseth Blew Billions on Fruit Basket Stands, Chairs, and Crab newrepublic.com/post/207555/... via @newrepublic.com
Pete Hegseth Blew Billions on Fruit Basket Stands, Chairs, and Crab
The Defense Department went on a $93 billion spending spree in 2025.
newrepublic.com
March 10, 2026 at 1:59 PM
In my state government job, we cannot use taxpayer dollars to purchase tissues for staff to use during cold and flu season.
My mom was talking about a show she watched, and she couldn’t remember the name of the actor in it. “You know, Kyra Sedgwick’s husband.”
March 2, 2026 at 12:02 AM
My mom was talking about a show she watched, and she couldn’t remember the name of the actor in it. “You know, Kyra Sedgwick’s husband.”
Do you want to guess how much this cost?
February 28, 2026 at 1:34 PM
Do you want to guess how much this cost?
One of the podcasts I listen to has an episode today about ouija boards and murders and suicides committed because the board told the perpetrator to do them, and I guess I’m…heartened that thinking ChatGPT is sentient isn’t unprecedented?
February 24, 2026 at 2:05 AM
One of the podcasts I listen to has an episode today about ouija boards and murders and suicides committed because the board told the perpetrator to do them, and I guess I’m…heartened that thinking ChatGPT is sentient isn’t unprecedented?
The 2028 Olympics better fucking deliver at least one dog jumping in the pool during the freestyle.
February 19, 2026 at 2:24 AM
The 2028 Olympics better fucking deliver at least one dog jumping in the pool during the freestyle.
I have now seen the picture of RFK Jr. and I haven’t been so mad at you people since Shirtless Geraldo.
February 18, 2026 at 1:35 AM
I have now seen the picture of RFK Jr. and I haven’t been so mad at you people since Shirtless Geraldo.
My 5-year-old, literally last night: Can two girls get married?
Me: Yep. Two boys can too.
My 5-year-old, on Sunday: Why are the Patriots the bad guys?
Me: *short circuiting trying to figure out how to explain Robert Kraft & his many crimes to a child*
Me: Yep. Two boys can too.
My 5-year-old, on Sunday: Why are the Patriots the bad guys?
Me: *short circuiting trying to figure out how to explain Robert Kraft & his many crimes to a child*
always so funny to me when people are like “how am I supposed to explain Gay to my kids?” my kid asks me way harder shit all the time. “why did they build the road this way? why are some people bad?” I don’t know. please ask me about Gay
February 10, 2026 at 6:30 PM
My 5-year-old, literally last night: Can two girls get married?
Me: Yep. Two boys can too.
My 5-year-old, on Sunday: Why are the Patriots the bad guys?
Me: *short circuiting trying to figure out how to explain Robert Kraft & his many crimes to a child*
Me: Yep. Two boys can too.
My 5-year-old, on Sunday: Why are the Patriots the bad guys?
Me: *short circuiting trying to figure out how to explain Robert Kraft & his many crimes to a child*
So grateful Green Day wore sunglasses so I wouldn’t have to confront my own mortality via their aging faces.
February 9, 2026 at 1:40 AM
So grateful Green Day wore sunglasses so I wouldn’t have to confront my own mortality via their aging faces.
There is a crowd protesting ICE at the North Dakota Capitol. It is ten degrees below zero. 🥹❤️
January 25, 2026 at 7:22 PM
There is a crowd protesting ICE at the North Dakota Capitol. It is ten degrees below zero. 🥹❤️
I have finally figured out how to make biscuits, just try to stop me now bitchessss
January 19, 2026 at 12:51 AM
I have finally figured out how to make biscuits, just try to stop me now bitchessss
Reposted by Allie
I always thought the Gestapo was terrifying. Now that we have our own, I think they’re dork-ass losers.
January 7, 2026 at 10:37 PM
I always thought the Gestapo was terrifying. Now that we have our own, I think they’re dork-ass losers.
I always thought the Gestapo was terrifying. Now that we have our own, I think they’re dork-ass losers.
January 7, 2026 at 10:37 PM
I always thought the Gestapo was terrifying. Now that we have our own, I think they’re dork-ass losers.
Reposted by Allie
as this 1-week free trial ends I've decided to cancel 2026
January 7, 2026 at 8:48 PM
as this 1-week free trial ends I've decided to cancel 2026
When Kristi Noem goes to prison, I personally would like them to release one photo of her a month so we can watch her fillers disintegrate.
January 7, 2026 at 9:43 PM
When Kristi Noem goes to prison, I personally would like them to release one photo of her a month so we can watch her fillers disintegrate.
For the 45th year in a row!
January 1, 2026 at 9:31 PM
For the 45th year in a row!
Truly astounded at the level of mouth breathing dipshittery demonstrated by assuming you can bully your way into gaining unauthorized access to a daycare center.
December 31, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Truly astounded at the level of mouth breathing dipshittery demonstrated by assuming you can bully your way into gaining unauthorized access to a daycare center.