but why did this make me tear up a little

"These professional, adult athletes won't even agree to play against children! Checkmate, libs!"

maybe I'm confused about the intended role of a president, but why is so much of his time, energy and OUR resources being put into redesigning stuff?

i'm a little hung up on him saying that it won't last beyond the really hot months (false) and that august and September aren't hot months (also very false)

oh wait -- they meant this as a brag?

No mention of the budget cuts instituted on July 1, 2025, to FoodNet, a federal program that specifically funded tracking infectious outbreaks from food-borne illnesses like cyclospora?!? (It used to track 8 different pathogens and now only has mandatory tracking for salmonella and E. coli)

so now we're just doing the plot of "Class of 1999"?

but to be fair, the air also is poison, so maybe we need a 2026 reissue